This episode is all about understanding the emotions of fear and love.
Koya Webb is a wellness visionary, author of Let Your Fears Make You Fierce, and founder of Get Loved Up, a conscious community that practices daily self-care and makes healthy living a priority to promote healing, social justice, and spiritual connection.
Koya shares her passion for dramatically decreasing the number of people who suffer from chronic diseases associated with a stressful lifestyle, unhealthy diet, and self-defeating habits through self-care, plant-based nutrition, and community education.
In this podcast, Let Your Fears Make You Fierce, we cover:
How the brain gets trapped in fear
Tools we can use to pull ourselves out of fear
How to love yourself more: habits for self-love
Strategies to bring yourself out of fear and put yourself in a state of love
Dealing with fear: four steps to take when you’re afraid
The Importance of Acknowledging Fear
We must acknowledge fear because fear is feedback. Fear is feedback to places that we need to be nurtured. We shouldn’t fight fear; instead, we should embrace fear. Everything in the world is for us to figure out. Once we figure it out, then we can expand. Think about your fears. Then, ask yourself why you have that fear. Most of the time, it will take you back to what needs to be nurtured. The more you start doing the thing that counterbalances the fear, the more you’re living in alignment with love. Remember, we are not our fears.
Pulling Yourself Out of Fear
When you catch yourself holding onto your fears, then acknowledge that it’s happening. Once you recognize it, you can start to go in the other direction. Ask yourself why the fear is so sexy. Are you infatuated with fear? You can either be afraid, or you can have love. When we watch the news and the media, we are feeding our fears. Instead, we should feed our love. Love isn’t perfect; it’s messy and sloppy. Once we release the stronghold of perfection and judgment, we can learn to love ourselves unconditionally.
The Four Steps To Navigating Fear
There are some easy steps you can take to get out of fear:
Acknowledge the fear.
Go through forgiveness. If someone hurt you, or if you hurt yourself, then it’s time to think about forgiving.
Set an intention.
You are beautifully serving the world; your greatness does not depend on having kids at a certain age or being married at a certain age. Think about what you want, not what society wants. For instance, Koya wants all of her relationships to be positive and healthy. Go through these steps with yourself, with your kids, and with your partner. In summary, to overcome fear, you need to do these four things: acknowledge, forgive, set an intention, and take action.
Is Social Media Making Us More Fearful?
Social media is nuanced; it can be both positive and negative. However, ads and companies are using our fears and perpetuating them. Media and the news are manipulating us to think however they want us to think. Most of the time media will use fear to control our thought processes. As more information is available to us, we can learn and grow. However, we aren’t more caring to other fellow human beings.
Leaning Into What Scares You
We have to remember that if we get caught up in fear, we are no longer living in alignment with our purpose. Remember to acknowledge the fear; then ask yourself: how can I bless the world? During the pandemic, Koya poured into her community in order to bless the people around her. Fear is an opportunity for us to nurture those places that haven’t quite healed yet. Sometimes there are more profound trauma and scars that will take more than one therapy session or more than one meditation. When it comes to fear, therapy and meditation can help bring yourself out of fear by doing deeper and richer work.
Community Is Key When It Comes To Happiness
You have to choose love every single moment you can. If your community is in fear, choose love instead. You have to choose to vibrate higher. You can only do that if you are getting loved up and if you feel love in yourself. Think about what you can do today to give your community hope. Ask yourself how you can uplift the people around you. Sometimes it’s as simple as asking: how can I support you?
Koya Webb 0:00 You have to realize that you are beyond how your face looks how your nose look how your lips look like. You are who you are on a soul level, like, are you vibrating love and no matter what you look like can you realize you are beyond your physical appearance.
Dr. Mindy 0:14 I am a woman on a mission that is dedicated to teaching you just how powerful your body was built to be. I like to do that by bringing you the latest science, the greatest thought leaders and applicable steps that help you tap into your own internal healing power. The purpose of this podcast is to give you the power back and help you believe in yourself. Again, my name is Dr. Mindy pals, and I want to thank you for spending part of your day with me.
On this episode of the resetter podcast, we are going to dive into understanding the emotions of fear and love. My next guest quia Webb is quite an impressive human. She is the founder of a company called get loved up, which is what a great name is that. And she has a podcast called get loved up and She’s the author of a new book called let your fears make you fierce. And what I love about the discussion that we have in this episode, is we start off talking about fear and how does the brain get trapped in fear? And how do we keep perpetuating fearful thoughts. And then we flip it and talk about tools we can use to pull ourselves out of fear. So the front half of this episode is made specifically for those of you who really get spun up around fear. And you need some new strategies to pull yourself to a higher place. So I’m so excited at what she shares there. And then we go into love. And we talk about not only loving each other, but most importantly, we talk about self love, and how do we start to look within and love ourselves, despite all our imperfections. And she has some profound strategies, she has a really good techniques that you can use to not only bring yourself out of fear, but put yourself into a state of love. And then how to take that love and spread it with around to the people around you. So this is definitely I’ve had lots of conversations that have been more head based. This is a conversation that really goes to the heart. And you know, if we look at 2020, and what it did to the human race, and how many of us got triggered by the events of 2020. There has never been a more important time for a conversation like this, now is the time to reset our neurology Now is the time to reset the way that our brain has been programmed over the last year. And discussions like what Koi and I have in this next episode is going to give you not only a new paradigm and a new way to look at the way we approach life, but it’s going to give you tools, you guys hopefully know that I am all about bringing you information but then giving you action steps so that you can start to make some definitive changes in your life that ultimately make you happier and healthier. So quite a web enjoy you guys. This one as I always say is mind bending and mind expanding. And I hope you love it as much as I loved having the conversation. Okay, resellers let’s talk about hormones, collagen and your skin. So maybe you’ve heard me say this before, but one of the troubling parts of getting older, especially for women as they move through menopause, is that we start to lose collagen. For women we will lose 30% of our collagen within the first five years of menopause. This means we’re going to end up with more wrinkly skin, our joints are going to be stiffer, our skin’s gonna be drier so I’m always looking for new collagen products to add into my daily routine. And Organa phi has once again done an amazing job putting together all the right nutrients with spectacular taste to give us the collagen that we need. So it’s a new product called glow. I have been using it for the last several weeks. I absolutely love what it’s doing to my skin and I love how it tastes. What they did with this product that’s so cool is not only does it have collagen powder in there, but they combined it with 13 superfoods that make that collagen more accessible to your cells. Remember it’s not enough just to eat a food or drink a food you’ve got to have it in right combination so the cells know how to use it. So the product is called glow. And if you guys want to check it out, remember they always give you 20% off and it’s glow they where are you going to go to is Organa phi.com forward slash pals. And I’ll repeat that for you it is Organa phi o r g a n i f phi.com. forward slash Pels PLC, and you can get your 20% off, try glow. Now I know you’re gonna ask me should you do it in a fasted state or not? That you’re going to have to test with your blood sugar, I’ve been putting it in a big container of water and drinking it all day long. It’s not pulling me out of a fasted state. And again, I love the taste, and I love what it’s doing for my skin. So give it a try. And as always, let me know how it works for you. I think what’s the most interesting about your message is this is this and your passion is this idea around fear. I am strangely enamored with what happens to the brain when it goes to a fearful place. And I feel like after 2020, we were so spun up, people got so spun up so quickly, please help us understand why we can grab fear and go down what I call a rabbit hole so fast. It’s almost like we can grab that quicker than we can grab anything positive. Why does Why do our brains do that?
Koya Webb 6:15 Well, you know what, I have a very unique concept about fear. Love it. And I love that we can acknowledge fear. And it’s important that we can acknowledge fear, because I believe fear is feedback. And I believe fear is feedback to places that we need to be nurtured. So if we stop trying to fight fear, and have no fear, and be scared of fear, and actually embrace fear, because everything in this world is for us, and I know everyone might not believe that. But even the things that we’ve been created, that are negative, it is for us to figure it out, so that it’s more in alignment with our growth and evolution and expansion, versus tearing us down. So when you think about fear, and I want everyone listening, think about what do you fear right now, and where and take a journey with that fear. So if fear is your friend, and let’s say, give me something that you’re afraid of, we’ll go down the journey with you.
Dr. Mindy 7:12 Okay, um, oh, I have so much fear around my children.
Koya Webb 7:17 I fear, you know, their lives will unravel in some way. Awesome. So you have this fear about your children. And you ask yourself, why do I fear something bad will happen to my children or things will unravel. And most of the times, it’ll take you back to what needs to be nurtured. So one thing might be, I’m afraid that they’re going to get caught up in social media, that they’re not going to have a real conversation. So the solution to that would be having conversations with them and teaching them have a conversation. And the more you start doing the thing that counterbalance the fear, the more you’re living in alignment with love. And that’s what I teach about in my book, let your fears make you fears. It’s all about leaning into the fear, not surrendering, because we are not our fears, and our repeat that we are not our fears, we are not our emotions, our emotions are just tools to help us align with love. Now, it’s just like, if you put your hand on a hot stove, the stove is not hot to burn you this stone happens to be hot it at the wrong time, then it could burn you. And our fear is not meant to take us out. But sometimes if we’re so afraid, it causes anxiety, and it causes ulcer and it causes other things. It can hurt us, but it’s not meant to. And so I encourage people to journal writing breathwork and meditation to help process their fear where they’re trying to figure out, Okay, what is this fear trying to tell me? And how should I move in my life so that I can align myself with love?
Dr. Mindy 8:49 I love that in theory, Mm hmm. And then I say to myself, how would I practice that? I don’t know if our listeners do this, but I will do if this happens, and this is going to happen. And then if that happens, then that will happen. I call it the rabbit hole like, and before I know it, maybe 10 minutes have gone by and I’m like, Whoa, Mindy, stop. Like, where’d you go back? Come back to me. So is there is part of this also acknowledging when the brain is just gone down a path. That is I think it’s almost like it. Yeah, it’s like gets a hold of you. And you can’t pull it back.
Koya Webb 9:27 Right. Exactly. And when you catch yourself, like you’re just acknowledge it, you know what, I can go the other direction, just like I went this direction. And we have to ask yourself, why is fear so sexy? Right, right. Are we so infatuated with fear? And I feel like one number one is perpetuated in the media, and whatever, whatever. And so there’s this story and I know we’ve all heard the story about you know, there there are these two situations where You have
Unknown Speaker 10:02 fear,
Koya Webb 10:04 and you have love. And if these were animals, which one is going to stay with you? The one you feed the most. So we are feeding and nurturing our fears, because we were watching the news or watching the media and we, we keep going, Okay, if this happened in this atmosphere, but what if we fell in love? What if we’re like, Okay, if I take care of my kids, and I nurture them, and I give them this, and when they make mistakes, they’re not going to be perfect. I sit with them and talk to them. And even when things happen, which things are gonna happen, because things happen to all of us, at least they know they can come to me and they’re not going to be judged, they’re not going to be shamed, they’re going to be held, they’re going to be, you know, we’re going to cry together, we’re gonna laugh together, we’re gonna be angry together. And if you choose to be that safe haven, then you have this amazing nurturing relationship, what a lot a lot of us don’t have with our parents, because we want our parents to be perfect, and the parents want their children to be perfect. And that is just not realistic. Perfection is not realistic. So we get those realistic tendencies for ourselves. First of all, then we can get with those realistic, those professional profession mystic, that profession is the reality for our children. And then we can actually start to love because love isn’t perfect. Love is messy, is sloppy. There’s a lot of things that happen. And once we release that stronghold of perfection, once released the stronghold of judgment. And just learn to love ourselves unconditionally first, because you can’t love your children or your partner unconditionally, if you don’t love yourself, and a lot of people like I love myself, okay, you love yourself. But did you look in the mirror and frown? What What part of yourself? Did you look at? What part of you made you roll your eyes and we are women? So we know we do this? I
Dr. Mindy 11:49 was I, I’ll be the first to admit, oh, yeah,
Koya Webb 11:52 I am beautiful. And I love myself. But sometimes I beat myself up. Sometimes I have a hard time and I try to catch myself. It’s like girl, stop. Yep. Hey, and we have to do this. And we have to understand if we’re doing it to ourselves, we are doing it to our partner, whether we say it or not, they can feel when we’re like, ooh, like, I’m like, you know, and our children can feel it too, you know. So we first have to be careful about self judgment, and how much we judge ourselves and how much we shame ourselves and get ourselves. And once we do that, we can have more compassion for others. And when we can, like I said, I can use my own my own personal story of, you know, this month is my 40th, you know, thank you. And I’m not married, I don’t have kids. And there’s a lot of pressure, you know, there’s a lot of pressure to like, Oh, well, you know, are you a woman, if you don’t get married? Are you a woman if you don’t have kids, like, You know why? And what’s wrong with you, and all these things? Because it’s like, all this pressure to live like the status quo, or like, what what it means to be normal. And if you don’t do what’s normal, or what everyone else is doing this Something must be wrong, right? So Well said, we put so much pressure on it. Or even if you do get married, if you don’t do it in a certain way, or if you have different practices, or if you do have kids, if you don’t parent like everyone else has been so much pressure. Yep. And if you’re listening to me right now, you’re like, yes, I’m so sick of the pressure. And the first thing we have to do is just take it off ourselves, and just say, you know what, I’m not going to be like everybody else. I am here to live life uniquely, because none of us can live life like someone else. I am here to live life, uniquely, as myself, and be living as myself in my fullest expression is what’s really going to bless the world. And I feel like if we knew that as young women, we would be more empowered. If we knew that, hey, you are not here to be like Tiffany or Susan or Stephanie, you are here to be you. But when we go up, it’s like, well, you need to look more like her, you need to sit more like this, you need to. So we were always trying to be something that we weren’t. We’re always trying to live up to it to an ideal. But now we have this beautiful opportunity to reparent ourselves and our children to say, I want you to be the best version of you. Yeah, what makes you feel good. Love that. Good. Yeah.
Dr. Mindy 14:21 I love that. And one thing I’ve noticed about fear and negativity is that we tend especially as women, we tend to sort of gravitate to each other and bitch about all the horrible things that can happen and it’s a unifier and we don’t even realize that we’re creating community in expressing all the negative things that are going on in our in our life, that that cycle has to change, at least in women for sure. Because we do that naturally and it does not serve us. How do we change that?
Koya Webb 14:54 I am glad you brought that up because it is trauma bonding and there’s some yes yeah. You have to go through the journey the journey is not. It’s like if you go mud wrestling great, but you don’t need want to stay in the mud, right. And so we’re staying in the boat with this trauma bond. So one is acknowledging this happened to me, like this happened to me when I didn’t get married, this happened to me when I got married, this happened to me, when I started my cycle, this happened to me. And that’s good. We’re acknowledging our pain, we acknowledge and our anger, good. And so we did a good thing. But then we got stuck there. And it whenever you engage in a conversation with whether it be online or in person is going through the journey, and I have a process that I share with my community. And his process starts with acknowledging, like the acknowledging the fear, and then going through forgiveness if someone hurt you, or if you hurt yourself, and you know what, this is not in alignment with how I want it. And then once you acknowledge and then once you forgive, then you set an intention. And this I’m telling you, if you’re not writing this down, get a pan, put it in your notes, write it down, because this process has helped me in my life so much. So you acknowledge it, you forgive either the other person I just posted today on my Instagram of forgiveness, meditation, you just literally start with, you know, some breath, work, and then say how this person hurts you or how you hurt yourself. And then give yourself the apology that you need, like, I’m sorry, choir for just putting so much pressure on you to like, get married before a certain age or have kids before a certain age, your perfect color, really, you’ve created a community, you are serving the world in a beautiful way. And your greatness does not depend on you being married, or having kids your greatness does not depend on any of those things. And you know, and that feels good. Oh, it’s awesome, right? It just feels after you do the forgiveness, then you set an intention. So what do you want? What do you want that does what society wants the answer for me, every relationship I have, I want it to be a healthy relationship, a positive relationship, that is my intention. And if anything is meant to flourish from there, whether it be a business or a friendship, or a life partnership, or I decide that I want to adopt kids or hackers in any kind of way, it’s going to be because I fully fully is healthy for me. And it’s in a time when that aligns with what I feel is nourishing for me. And then you take action. So those four steps, acknowledge, forgive, set an intention, and then take action. I love that. You do that in your group. So you go through that with your partner even go through that with your kids. You don’t stay in the muck of it.
Dr. Mindy 17:44 Yeah. Ah, I love that. Do you think what do you think social media is doing for our fear brain? And is it and is there a way to use social media in a positive way? That’s something I’ve been really thinking about, because there is something lovely about social media. But you know, and I think at different ages, you know, I have a 21 year old daughter, and I watch how she’s used social media over the years. And I think I’m so happy when I was 21, that social media wasn’t around.
Koya Webb 18:13 Right? I mean, I’m just gonna be honest with you. Social media is so nuanced. I mean, we can you can seriously say like, it’s positive, it’s negative, it’s life. It’s like, life is positive, life is negative. And life is messy. Life is all of that. And so that’s what we saw on social media. That’s one thing. Now the social dilemma, the fact that like, ads and companies are actually
Unknown Speaker 18:33 losing our,
Koya Webb 18:34 our fears and perpetuated that, that needs to stop. I don’t know how we can stop it. You know, that’s horrible. It’s horrific. I hate that. It’s like that. Well, let’s go back to the life of it. Because when we talk about the life of we realize that we choose, and, and even media before social media, media, the news, all of those things are still manipulating us to think, like however, we they want us to think and most of the time they use fear, fear that you’re not going to be pretty if you don’t use this, you’re not going to be healthy. If you don’t drink this, you’re not going to be well, if you don’t do what it is we’re telling you to do. Right? So we like have to do our own homework and find out what do I need to be eating? What do I need to be? What do I need to be saying? How can I be healthy mentally, spiritually and physically? And for me, as you know, plant based vegan for 16 years. It’s like, how and and also, you know, eco friendly advocate sustainability advocate, it’s like, How can I be well, and cause the least amount of harm to others and the least amount of harm to my planet? Because that’s the question that we’re not asking. And if you’re just on it, by all means, necessary, make it bigger, faster, you know, then that’s, that’s really what’s hurting us in our industry as we’re learning and as we’re improving and expanding and growing. We’re not caring about our fellow human Being, we’re not caring about the environment. And if we don’t care about other people as we’re going and expanding, well, the circus just gives us the opportunity to love more. And if we don’t, there’s an imbalance. So we’re experiencing the imbalance. So to answer your question, yes, I would hope that my page and my company get loved up, I would hope that people will see how to use social media and the positive, I post daily on my page, we post daily on the community page, and it’s get loaded up love yourself, love others love the world. So we’re doing positive affirmations, meditation, journal prompts, and you know how to stress less, you know, yoga poses to release your so we’re just really trying to pour into the world because there’s so much that’s doing the opposite. So, and I would say, just notice, I mean, we could spend all day talking about the negative, but like, we only have so much hours in a day and so much minutes in a day. And so yes, while I will acknowledge that there’s a lot of toxicity, there’s a lot of control and manipulation, I’m not going to spend 10 minutes on it, because it doesn’t deserve my 10 minutes. What dessert, what I’m going to feed is love consciousness. What I’m going to feed is doing right by people, what I’m going to feed is talking about how we can grow, expand and evolve.
Dr. Mindy 21:16 I love that. So how did you navigate? 2020? I’m so curious, I wish I’d had this conversation with you a year ago. That was the year of fear. I don’t know where you went, where you could go to back away from the fear?
Koya Webb 21:32 That’s that’s a real question. And I want to be honest, I’m going to be honest. In the first three months, I consumed way too much news and way too much social media, I actually have PTSD when when first of all the news, I was just going down the rabbit hole consuming, consuming, consuming every pose big conspiracy theory. And I was in fear. I was insanely paranoid because of the amount of social media I consume, because I’m trying to figure it out. Because I need to share with my community and my family. And I’m all about keeping people safe. So yes, that happened to me. And then I was like, so first thing you’re going to do is stop. You’re going to stop consuming media, and you’re going to go in your department and you’re going to talk to God, and you’re going to have a conversation and you’re going to ask at this time, what would you have me to do. And that’s literally what I did. I was like, I am not trusting this. I’m not trusting social media, I’m not trusting the media, I’m going to trust spirit. Because at the end of the day, I believe that we’re spiritual beings having a human experience. And sometimes we get so caught up in the human experience, that we forget our purpose. So if the world’s gonna end tomorrow, next month, or next year, I still have a purpose. And my hope is that while I’m here, as many days as I have left to breathe a breath of life that I am living in alignment with love, that I’m expressing from love, and that my life is somehow a blessing to the world. And if I stay in purpose, and don’t get caught up in fear, I am living out that purpose every single minute of the day, even on this podcast, you know, and so we have to remember that if we get caught up in the fear, then are we living in alignment with our purpose, but if we acknowledge the fear and say, Okay, this is happening now, what am I because we’re all here to uniquely do be a different blessing to the world. So I asked myself, How am I supposed to bless the world? Immediately, I started doing sound healings on Instagram, I started doing meditations for my community. I just poured and poured and poured into my community. And that was really my ticket. And then the Joyce Floyd incident happened. And I have PTSD because that my brother had gotten jumped similarly, he was flashes on my brother’s face and him not making it. And for three days hearing, I’m pouring into my community, I took my yoga teacher training, and I videoed everything and did it over zoom. So things are going great. And I see this and I am traumatized. I’m in a dark place for three days. I’m doing breath work, I’m doing transformational letter writing. I’m doing everything I know. But it took me three days after seeing that video to be okay. And I was telling me I’m like, y’all, I’m not okay, but I’m gonna do the best that I could put, I was crying, I was angry. I was full of fear. When I go outside, I was scared, like a cop was gonna pull me over and I wasn’t gonna be you know, I was just fine. And so, you know, those are real, real emotions. And you just have to work with a woman. I say use the tools that I share. And you know, we all at some point are going to experience fear and frustration. And then sometimes there’s going to be trauma, sometimes it’s going to be depression. And for me, that’s compounded fear. I had never dealt with this incident that happened in my childhood when I was 14. So what I said in the beginning, fear is an opportunity for us to nurture those places, then, actually, so I needed to talk to my brother about that. And we never told the parents because my brother was ashamed of it. And I talked to my parents about it. And so once I was able to process all of that. And, you know, got a therapist to talk about it and the pain, you know, and my my big frustration with police brutality and things like that, it did help me. So sometimes there’s some deeper trauma and scars that it’s gonna take more than just one meditation, right and positive thinking, sometimes, you know, I don’t want to, like I said, it’s so nuanced. When it comes to fear, sometimes things do take a deeper and richer work. So I’m, I’m very much a proponent of therapy. I’m a proponent of EMDR. of working in groups, but not to stay in the problem Yes, with not as a problem and bring yourself out.
Dr. Mindy 25:40 So has beautiful and I feel like what I heard, and everything you said, is, instead of leaning away from that uncomfortable moment, you’re, you lean into it, you go fully into it, and then you have a tool set, once you’re in it to when you’re ready to pull yourself out.
Koya Webb 25:58 100% 100%. And you gotta have, you gotta have this toolkit. And for me, I work a lot with our spiritual energy centers, or our chakras, you know, we have seven main ones. And I start with the root, and the root, you have to ask yourself and secure if you’re not safe and secure, you can’t express you can’t live in your power, you can’t do all the things you need to do. If you don’t feel safe and secure. Some people were were are houseless, some people got displaced from their home, they couldn’t pay their rent. And so that shaken up. And so until they find a place of safety, it’s going to be hard for them to then find a job and to do their work in the world. So I actually teach people about our spiritual energy centers, and how to check in with each one each day to see is anything blocked and how I’m showing up. And if anything is blocked, I help them do the meditation, the journaling the breath work to bring energy to that center, and exercises to make sure that they are not blocked in any area. And you know, and a lot of people like what were the Shockers, I don’t understand the spiritual energy. When you feel like gut feeling in your body, you feel that lump in your throat, that’s all energetic that is your body signaling to you. Hey, I’m not okay. You know, so our bodies are telling us are signaling to us, when we need to move and shift and change. And when something’s not right, we just have to learn how to listen to it. And we’re not taught that in grade school.
Dr. Mindy 27:27 No, no, we’re not. And I think what I learned last year was that so many people aren’t even thinking for themselves. They’re just letting their their social media, media itself, their friends, like, they’re not stopping and really thinking about what they care about, and what’s important for themselves. They’re just, it’s almost like we’re zombies. To your point about social dilemma. It’s, you know, it’s like we have we have lost control of this. And, and we’re not, we’re not acknowledging that we can control the way that our brain operates. And we’re just letting everybody else control us like that. That was my total clarity for me of 2020. So it’s, yeah, incredible. What so on the flip side of fear, we have love. Now, what I think is interesting about love, and I especially want to dive into self love, is that in these two emotions, it’s, I don’t know if the human brain I’m very fascinated by neuroscience. So it’s like, I don’t know if the brain is just more programmed for fear or if we trained it to be more programmed for fear. But it seems like many humans are more likely to go down a fear path than a love path. They it’s like they they haven’t trained themselves, to love themselves to love other people like love at the core is who we are as humans yet. It seems like we’re not doing it enough. Right?
Koya Webb 28:55 And you said it right there. We’re not doing it enough. Because everything is programmed by fear. And if we look at the major our major religions, a lot of them are really about their fear base versus love base, social media fear base versus what a media fear base, everything is fear base boasted. So that one’s just getting fed the most. No, it’s not the fact that one is stronger than the other at the end of the day, love is stronger, but we’re not feeding it at all. You know, we’re praying to we’re starting to try to so the more that we’re sharing with each other is like you know, positive messages and positive podcasts and like saying, you know, and again, fear is in and of itself for me of operation of love. It’s lower, it’s a lower vibration, it’s a vibration that is at Wake up. It’s like it’s a screaming vibration that you are not in alignment with love your way here at this and we want to get right here because the more that you feel safe and secure and fully expressed and in your power, compassionate, the more you feel that the more most of us feel that the healthier we’re going to be and the healthier our world will be. The more we’re at the opposite end and fear, the more we’re going to be against each other, we’re going to be bad for each other, we’re going to try to control each other, and all control, manipulation, jealousy, all of that is based out of fear. Not going to be loved, if I don’t have the most of it. And all of that is keeping you again, further and further away from the love. So it’s all on the same. If you look at it all on the same spectrum, then you realize, the more that you can get rid of that separation by realizing, okay, we’re all in this together, we are all one and we have to figure out and especially when it comes to social justice, and you know, the the racial pandemic, a lot of people were just clueless to the fact that racism is alive and rampant today. And it blew my mom because of course, as a black woman, I’ve been experiencing this all my life. And people were so green to the fact that it is so insidious, that it’s hard not to call these categories that are microaggressions against people of color, that I was happy that people had that awakening.
Dr. Mindy 31:14 I was gonna say, yeah, I’m sorry to interrupt you. But that was the benefit of last summer, people woke up,
Koya Webb 31:22 people woke up because, again, they weren’t being fed, like, Hey, you are being this way. And being this way unconsciously, because of how you were trained. And being this way is detrimental to the other people who breathed the same breath and bleed the same blood as you. And I feel like once you hear it, you can acknowledge it, then you can ask yourself for forgiveness, you can ask other people for forgiveness, you can set an intention to do better and then you can take action. But there’s so nuanced again that some people have so much shame and guilt it’s like we can’t get to the forgiveness and the intention and things like that. And so I think we still have of course a long way to go but at least more people are acknowledging there is a problem. Yeah, yeah.
Dr. Mindy 32:14 Okay, let’s talk about literally my new favorite sleeping hack. And it’s put out by chili pad. So I got to tell you that when I first heard about chili pad, I was a little dubious. I didn’t quite understand how making my mattress cold was going to help me sleep better at night. But what I have since learned after trying chili pad out for several months I’ve been consistently using it for the past six months is that two things are happening. One when you lower your body temperature you need to get it down five degrees from when you’re what it is when you’re standing in your room. When you get into the your sheets and it you bring your body temperature down by five degrees. It actually helps you go to sleep, it will stimulate your parasympathetic nervous system. So when I get into bed with my chilli pad, I can control the temperature of my mattress and I’ll put it down to like 67 get in bed for a little cold but the sheets are warm on top and it is enhances my body’s and my mind’s ability to go to sleep. The second thing that I’ve noticed with the chilli pad is getting up in the morning is easier. So check this out. When you raise the temperature of the bed in the morning. It actually encourages you to get out of bed. So half hour before my alarm. I will set the chilipad temperature to go up so that everything in the bed is warming up and as it heats up it naturally wakes me up in a not in a true Civ way like an alarm would. It just gently wakes me up and it propels me out of bed. So on my whoop which I monitor my sleep all the time on I am seeing better recovery deeper sleep and I’m getting to bed quicker and when I wake up in the morning I’m more rested. So chili pad you guys just nailed it. I love this product. I gotta tell you my husband was very dubious when I first said we were going to put this on our bed and the cool thing about chilli pad is that both sides are different have different controls so your partner can control their side you can control your side everybody gets the temperature that they want. So check out chili pad you can go to their website or you can go to Dr. Mindy Pels, comm and find a link there. And if you use resetter code 20 so that’s resetter 20 r e s e t t e r 20. They will give you a discount on the toy pod amazing product. I is It has literally been a game changer for me for men to pause, so much so that I actually was starting to sleep in a different room from my husband to keep the temperature cold, and the chilli pad brought me back into our bed. It’s been not only a game changer for my sleep, but of course for my marriage as well. I hope you enjoy it. Do you do you know David Hawkins stuff power versus force, you’ve talked a little bit about vibration. And and he talks about whatever vibration you are resonating at is what you’re going to get back. So if you resonate at fear and anger, this is actually that he’s a PhD neuroscientists that you will start attracting more fearful people you will attract more fearful places. What do you believe about like the power of the people around us? If everybody around us is stuck in fear? Are we going to operate more from fear? And if everybody around us is stuck in love? Are we going to get pulled up to a higher vibration? And how important is our community and our surrounding to moving us from fear to love?
Koya Webb 36:07 Well, 100% community is key. Because yes, like you said, if you’re around people that are that are talking like and they’re, they’re scared, they’re in a state of fear, you know, more than likely you’re going to acknowledge with them and you’re going to stay there because it’s you feel like, Okay, I’m making this as comfortable. And we have to be the same, I have to be the same as this is the lie, I have to be the same as people around me to be loved. Right? I can’t be different, even though I know we shouldn’t be in this much fear in order for them to love me. I gotta say, yeah, to crap with that, and to crap with the world’s a crap with China, let’s just do whatever we want to do. And like, who cares about this and that, you know, because
Unknown Speaker 36:50 it’s like, if
Koya Webb 36:50 I don’t say that, and I feel like I’m gonna be loved. So it takes all of us taking that higher road. You know, like Michelle Obama says, when they go low, you go high. And that high is love, you got to choose love every single moment you can, you have to choose not to vibrate at that frequency of fear. Even if you acknowledge that you have to choose to vibrate higher, you have to choose. And I truly believe you can only do that if you are getting loved up if you feel love in itself. But if you feel fear, you’re going to resonate it that vibration of fear, you’re going to be like, yeah, I’m scared too. And yeah, what are we going to do? But as soon as you realize that, okay, fear is not the end love is you ask yourself, How can I go? Just one step up. I’m not saying you got to go to fear and doom and gloom to like, over exceeding joy. Like, that’s not realistic. But how, what can I do today to give me hope, you know, and for me, it was just first cutting off the news. And then it was like, Okay, what can I do is like, okay, I can do Instagram Live sound here. So I think if we ask ourselves, and even when we’re in those groups of negativity, what can I do to uplift this group? What can I do to uplift my family? What can I do to uplift my my partner is like, oh, they’re not feeling well, you know, sometimes this is just ask them, How can I support you?
Unknown Speaker 38:14 You know, what, sometimes
Koya Webb 38:14 if we go into it with them, then we get muddy, we’re going into the mud with them, instead of bringing them out saying, like, Can I give you a stick and pull you out? Instead of doing that we go in there, and then we are all muddy. And then sometimes you get so heavy in the mud, that you’re stuck and you can’t get out? Now someone has to come pull you out, right? So the point is not to get so coated in the mud of life that we can’t come out. And when we see someone else in the mud, help them by shining a light on like, Hey, you know, what can I do to support you’re not alone. And that’s where where community comes in and saying like, Look, we’re not alone in this, we’re all experiencing this. And I truly believe is if one person is feeling, anguish, sadness, anywhere we’re all experiencing, I really believe in oneness and that we’re all connected. And when we start to care more about our fellow fellow human being, especially, we’re the ones that don’t look like us think like a sound like us, the more that we’re going to start to heal humanity. But it’s it’s going to take all of us making that choice every single day.
Dr. Mindy 39:19 I feel like every every time you talk, I feel like I need a mic drop. I’m like, that’s it. So there’s a there’s a law in physics called the law of entropy. And I’ve used it a lot in my office with my staff. Because the law says that you will always go down to the you will always vibrate down to the lowest frequency. So whatever the lowest frequency is, you are going to naturally bring your frequency down to that and it’s going to take a lot of effort to pull that lowest person up. So do you do you think there’s ever a time where you could look around your friend group you could look around at the people you You’re surrounding yourself with and just say, this is not bringing me to my highest place. And I need to maybe pause this relationship, even if it’s a friend or a roommate or people around you and say, I can’t move to a higher vibration, as long as I’m around this energy of people is are there is there a time and place to make that shift?
Koya Webb 40:24 100% there is. And I feel like it needs to be done with a lot of compassion. The first most important thing when you feel that way is communication. Because a lot of people they don’t know, like, we all have problems. And we all want to share those problems with our friends and our family and our partner. So if you feel like someone is dumping on you, you know, or just like negative all the time, you know, the first number one thing I say is just have compassion, know that like, this person is not trying to like bring you down on purpose, they’re just going through something. But if you had enough, because you don’t want to vibrate at that frequency, the first thing you should do is communicate. So I had a instance when it’s like, you know, I’m an entrepreneur, and I mean, all these groups, entrepreneur, women, and so we’re always talking about business and collaboration. But I was at a point after a year of pouring so much, I just needed sisterhood. I just want up together and play together and talk together. And I was like, I’m so exhausted, we’re talking about business. I mean, at the end of the day business is gonna, it’s gonna be good, because we’re serving our community, right? Yeah. So I was just so exhausted with with collaboration and business talk. And I was just at my limit. And I knew that I want it to have these friends. But I also knew that my tolerance for business topless, zero, like, maybe one, maybe one out of 10, right, I get to have a conversation then because, but, but I communicate with them, like y’all, I am in such a tender place right now. And I really need sisterhood, I really need to know that I’m cared about beyond my business savvy. And beyond my my thoughts about expansion and growth in money. Like, I want to know that you love me as a as a sister, and I want to know that we can make food together and that we can go out and just have a fun time. Because at the end of the day, you know, that’s what really matter. Those are the moments that really matters. It’s like, you know, like, how are you hurting?
Unknown Speaker 42:17 And what are you going through,
Koya Webb 42:19 you know, and I think sometimes, and, you know, we can get so caught up in growth, and we can get so caught up in like, you know, finances or we can get so caught up that we forget that like, you know, we’re just human beings and we just want to be be nurtured. We just want to be loved. And so I think the first step is just communicate. So I communicate with these women, they’re like, oh, my goodness, thank you so much. And, you know, we get it and we totally understand. But understand, just communicating. It might have happened at first, because I said it, I literally had to set it about three more interesting. Yeah, I’m just gonna be honest, right? I had to say about three more times when really to length, and I had to stand in my power with it too. Because if you’re in a group, and it’s like, but y’all we always do this. We do. This is who we are, this is how we identify, right really have to stand in your power. And at the end of the day, you have to personally decide like, Okay, if this if I’m in this group, and they’re just just, they just want to do something else, then that’s when you have to decide, okay, when should I just say, Okay, this is not in alignment with me right now. So I’m going to step to the left. So it’s your personal decision. But I think I think most of all, it’s just not to assume that people are trying to hurt you, or they’re not listening, just know that you really have to communicate. And if you’re asking people to do something that is really a lot out of line with who they truly are, and how they normally function with you. like Oprah said, like, people, you teach people how to treat you. And so up until now you’ve taught them, we can talk about this all the time. And I’m always about business and expansion. And now you’re talking about, like, I just want a hug, like that’s different, and you’ve taught them something different. So if they value you, you know, like I said, it might not happen right away, because now you have to teach them like, I want to engage with you in a different way. And this goes with relationships, too. If y’all always argue and makeup and argue and makeup and all your makeup, and you’re like I don’t want to argue them or they like what and even though it sounds like realistic to you. That’s not how y’all been training. So it might take some therapy to say, okay, instead of arguing, we’re going to when we’re calm, when we start to argue we’re going to pause, then we’re going to write down how we feel. And then we’re going to come out and we’re going to share how we feel, and then we’re going to decide together how we’re going to that’s a whole different way of communication. Absolutely. You’re in a partnership, even though you say that and it makes sense to me and you if y’all haven’t been doing that for months or years. No, you have to have patience in order for new things. And you know, we always talk about it takes 21 days to start a new habit. So you really have to give people time and have a level of compassion. And especially if you care about the relationship, there has to be at least 21 days of like teaching someone to treat you differently. Or even if you’re within a group, like, Okay, let’s try this new thing. And let’s see how we like it. Because it does take time. And I think if we have, we’re in Council culture, and people are really quick, like, they didn’t say what I wanted to say they didn’t do what Oh, God, yeah. You know, people are human, like, expect everyone to say or do or think like perfectly like you think you unique human being, then that’s just not that. So I think we have to communicate more, we have to have more compassion. And then we have to give people time to make those changes if we do value the relationship.
Dr. Mindy 45:41 So just so I love that, and I want to make sure everybody hears that because I really am a big fan or a proponent of what you complain about your bring about. And when we’re in groups where the complaining continues, you continue to bring more things to complain about. So when you are around people that are just in a negative spiral it to use your business example, it would be a good communication step to say, you know what, I got it, I got to think about something joyful right now. Like, let’s change the conversation. Let’s let’s think on something else. I just can’t keep complaining about this. It’s not making me feel good. With would that be a next level of communication, as opposed to, you know, going home and being like, Suzy was, you know, I went out to lunch with Suzy and all she does bitch about blah, blah, blah, I’m gonna unfriend her on Facebook now, like, a more compassionate way would be like Suzy, like, I got to go to joy. Now, I can’t do I can’t keep complaining. Would that be a more mature form of communication?
Koya Webb 46:49 I would say that would be a start, I would go about it in a different way. Because I feel like, you know, she just turned into Suzy, when she went home again. She was complaining. Yeah, right. Well, but that’s what happens is we are complaining about what we didn’t like, exactly. So that’s what happened. So but when we don’t perpetuate the fear, the fear that if I don’t tell Susie, how I feel, then I’m not going to be happy. Right? And so I believe that if you so in my book, I talk about changing limiting beliefs to liberating affirmations. And so I would ask myself, like, how can I change this? Like, if if she doesn’t do this, then we can’t be friends? How can I change it to something more liberating, like, if I introduce her into a new way to talk about our problems? Maybe we can build our friendship, you know, and for me, instead of saying, I can’t hear complaining, because we you say something negative about something that normally is going to, they’re going to respond in a very defensive way. Because you’re
Unknown Speaker 47:50 like, wait, like,
Koya Webb 47:51 we all complain. We all have a point where we are wanting to share, especially with our friends exactly how we feel we want to be real, right? Yep. So I feel like you have to, you know, be very compassionate, if you feel like you want to make this shift. And I do feel like the shift is needed. So I would say, just introducing, like, Hey, you know, there’s so much going on right now. And I’m finding myself in anxiety like an every time we talk, I get even more excited. So I feel like bringing it back to telling someone how you feel, who I love that being in judgment with how they’re showing up, will help them have more compassion to you. Because again, your state, we can’t put it on people outside of us. We have to own our feelings and so on are feeling to say okay, and share how we feel like I feel anxiety. And I want to see if we can communicate differently so I can lower my levels of anxiety, then Susie can have compassion for her friend and say, You know what, I feel you I have anxiety when I talk about it too. So what do you love that I love that yeah, it because it that way, it’s it’s not in judgment on Susie. And it’s also giving you what you need and want, which is just like just slowing the arguments down or slowing the that slowing down the anger and just coming from a place of compassion, like,
Unknown Speaker 49:13 okay,
Koya Webb 49:13 let’s talk about like, our three biggest things that frustrate us right now. And then maybe you just do a writing exercise together. And then Okay, now, how are we gonna like I was that in my book, I changed the liberal, limiting beliefs to liberating affirmation. So how long are they more liberal? Like, okay, this job is pissing you off. So what can you do to shift it? Should
Unknown Speaker 49:31 you leave?
Koya Webb 49:32 Should you tell your boss how you feel, you know, and you can go through it in a way where it’s not just 30 minutes of like chewing someone out at 30 minutes or talking about the government and 30 minutes of talking about your partner. It’s actually a productive time of like, okay, we’re going to spend one minute talking about the problem and then one minute talking about the solution.
Dr. Mindy 49:52 Yeah, I love that. That was definitely a better approach. Let’s let’s talk about self love. I, you know, we deal with a lot of people in my clinic and in my online world, that are really unhealthy we deal a lot with people that are physically struggling. And what I find is that at the root of that is a lack of self love. Is is self love, something that we are born with and gets, like we we unlearn or it gets beaten out of us somehow, like I would you know, you look at a baby, they just have self love. But then by the time you compare that to a teenager, and there’s there can often be a lack of self love. how can how can we look at the younger generation and like, raise a more loving human and really help people tap back into loving themselves?
Koya Webb 50:43 Hmm, that’s such a good question. And we let’s go back to your your example of a baby. And you ask yourself, is a baby experiencing self love as a baby being cared for and nurtured? Because I haven’t had any kids. But from what I see from my 11 nieces and nephews, like in those first years, the mom and dad or you know what a parent is nurturing that baby, they’re waking up when they sleep, they’re given a breast or bottle when they’re hungry, like they are fully supported and taken care of. Yeah. And so to that, I would say, we go back to our spiritual energy centers, that sense of safety and security. Once that leaves, it’s hard to, it’s hard to have half self love, because we’re not knowing how to take care of ourselves. And so what happens at a young age is that there comes a point when it’s just like, Okay, I’m not caring for you anymore, you need to figure this out for yourself. And if the right tools aren’t put into place, which is specially in communities where it’s hard, it’s like, you don’t even have the tools to take care of yourself, that’s when the fear starts setting it, right. Like, oh, my goodness, like, I’m not going to be okay, because I don’t know how to do this, and I don’t have the resources that I need, I don’t have the money that I need, I don’t have the support that I need. And like everything’s gone. And so from a young age, and you know, I just read Oprah’s book, what happened to you, and it talks about how trauma can start from a young age. And if a person experiences a certain amount of trauma, when you know, before the age of six, then throughout their life, they’re going to have to be working on nurturing that and realize and finding a sense of safety and security. And if you don’t have a sense of safety and security, you’re not going to feel fully expressed, you’re not going to feel like you can stand in your power, you’re not going to feel like you can give and receive love, there’s always going to be a fear of I’m not safe. And so what happened in this last year is like our sense of safety was sliced out from underneath us. And so together,
Dr. Mindy 52:48 we all had to figure it out.
Koya Webb 52:51 So we can understand that everyone is always trying to feel safe. Mm hmm. Then we can start to understand like, that’s the biggest fear. And so how can we feel safe in ourselves? And how can we make others feel safe? And usually that’s with communication? I think communication, like how we’re talking about now, you know, sharing ideas, sharing different ways of thinking, ways of being is that well, how does it feel in my heart, right? And so the more that we do that, the more we start to create safety, create understanding, and then we come back to that, that space when we felt loved. And that’s when we’re supported. And we’re nurtured. And that comes through community and come in conversation.
Dr. Mindy 53:34 And so when I look at myself in the mirror, and I judged myself, and I and I and I, you know, think thoughts that are not kind to myself, is that comes from feeling less safe, less secure. And is there a way we can in that moment, like, catch ourselves and go, Okay, stop. I don’t want to treat myself like this anymore. I don’t want to talk to myself like this anymore. And do you have a tool when you’re when you’re aware of that self talk that’s so damaging to our own souls? Is there a tool for us to repattern that?
Koya Webb 54:11 Yes, that is a great question. When, especially when we’re looking at our body, like, we have to believe that and we have to know that we are not our human shell like we are the soul that lives within because if you get caught up on the outside, I mean, we’re all going to age we’re all going to eventually leave this body. And you know, it’s one thing to not have like a defects like a physical defect to wear that’s even harder to work with. But you have to realize that you are beyond how your face looks how your nose look how your lips look like. You have to beyond like, you are who you are on a soul level. Like are you vibrating love and no matter what you look like, can you realize you are beyond your physical appearance, and I feel like that’s really Where you gotta go, because we all are going to look in the mirror sometime and be like, my face this my booty that you know, I’m not looking as young as I used to my boobs are sagging a little bit more my booty fell on my thigh, you know, we’re going to have that as we start to age and we got to realize that that does not, that does not have anything to do with how much we resonate in love, and that it has nothing to do with our worth. And so first, we have to understand that because we see all the magazines and all the media, whether it’s been tucked in and cut and things like that, we still look at that as valuable. You have to realize our value is not in our appearance. Our value is how much we can share, give and receive love. That is our value. And so when you look at yourself in the mirror, and you tell yourself you’d like know what, no one’s gonna love harder than me today. No one is you know, in small at every person you meet, like, and I tell people you get down on yourself. Just I like to pour into others when I’m that about myself when I plan somebody else that really makes me realize a girl. It’s not about how sad you feel. And you know, I’m you got a pimple today, your face broke out, you know, but guess what, even with that broke out face, you can go spend time and talk to the homeless look and talk to someone who literally can’t even hear you know, and I feel like you once you start to realize it’s not about this superficial external, it gives you more hope and willingness to realize I am not my physical appearance. So that’s what I think about when I started to get down. I was like, Girl, you are way more value beyond the physical. Yeah,
Dr. Mindy 56:39 you know, I do this very similar thing. When I go into stress and anxiety, I remind myself, Oh, you’re thinking about yourself, again, you’re analyzing yourself again. And the quickest way out, is to serve others to do something nice for others. And the minute you do that, all the suffering in your brain like goes away in an instant. I I’ve taught my kids I have a 21 year old and a almost 19 year old. And I really have pounded into them that life is not about what you get. It’s about what you give it with what you’re how you’re showing up and contributing to the world. And the minute you go into get mode, the minute you go into me mode, that’s where the suffering begins. would you would you agree?
Koya Webb 57:21 Yeah. I think that when you are too overly concerned with your outward appearance, it’s only going to bring you down. Yeah. Because at the end of the day, our outward appearance, it is fleeting, it won’t be forever. But when you focus on what impacts Am I making, you know, so focusing on the internal versus the external, that’s where the love is lasting? That’s where you’re leaving your legacy. Like, what is your legacy? Think about your legacy, though, you know, because like I said, it’s so easy to get caught up on the external and I know what matters. And I know, we can acknowledge it like, you know, I’m not feeling so good today, I’m not looking so good today. But whether you’re feeling or looking good, you can still be a blessing. And sometimes that blessing might be I just need to rest so I could show up better tomorrow, sometime that blessing might be that I need to go out and just do something to get to someone else. So whatever you decide that is just know that one, you don’t got to be on every single day. And then to where you’re not feeling your best, you can still be a blessing to the world. And I think that really does help me when I’m not feeling my best just change it around.
Dr. Mindy 58:27 Yeah. I love that. I love that. Well, I gotta tell you, I couldn’t talk to you for hours this is so I just, I love the depth of a conversation like this. And I really hope you probably move through the world in these kinds of conversations, because that’s who you are. I can I can tell. But I want the world to go deeper in the way we we care for each other. I want the world to go deeper in the way we talk to each other. And so I just thank you for allowing me to pick your brain and bringing this to a more heart based communication that I hope everybody glean something from. I have five questions for you like rapid fire questions. And before I go through them, how can people find you where you have a great book that’s out talk a little bit about your book and where people can tap into you. Thank you so
Koya Webb 59:15 much was just been an honor to be on your podcast and you can find me at Koi web calm and you can find my company I get loved up, calm and our love our mantra is love yourself, love others and love the world in that order. Because when you focus on self love and you feel whole and complete, complete, you’re going to love others better, you’re going to be a better human, you know, to the planet. And then my book is let your fears make you fears how to turn common obstacles and to see her grow. So it’s not like about not having problems but when you do have the problems, go through the steps that I share in the book and use the tools that I share in the book to help get you plant that fear plant that anger foot plant that worry that doubt that compare And then grow something beautiful that’s grown in love and compassion. So yeah, I’d love that you answer your questions and you know, share more with people.
Dr. Mindy 1:00:10 Yeah. And I’ll leave all your links in the notes and everything. Okay, here are my five questions, we are creating a book club for all of all the guests we’ve had on here. So what is your what is that one or two books that you picked up in your life, and it transformed you and changed you and you just want everybody to read it?
Koya Webb 1:00:29 Oh, my goodness, I just picked up Oprah Murphy’s book, what happened to you, I got halfway through and I bought six copies. So that was just my most recent purchase that I think everyone should pick up. And read is about trauma. And I feel like it can be very impactful right now. And I also love the book, the body keeps score, Oh, I love that book, why it’s just really good. And it really helps you understand how we want to process our pain, we don’t want to just stop it and pretend like it’s not there. Or we don’t have to be positive all the time and pretend like, you know, nothing negative has happened. We want to acknowledge it. And we want to process it. So that doesn’t live in our body. And it also will help you as you’re going through my book, let your fears make you fears, understand that and go and unpack those areas that you might have stuck in like, I don’t want to deal with that. I’m going to close my eyes and pretend like that’s not happening. So that can help you with that. And then the last book, it’s a kind of thick one. But it really helped me get down to like these two blanket emotions of fear and love. And that is the Course of Miracles. Oh, yeah, yeah, it’s a really good one. You can get a study group with it. But it really does help you take responsibility for your emotions and realize, okay, am I vibrating closer to fear or closer to love. And when you find yourself in a sphere, look at that fear, as feedback is what I learned. It’s like get to get me closer and closer to LA. So those are the three books that I recommend. Love
Dr. Mindy 1:01:52 it, that was her GED. Okay, if you could go back and talk to your 20 year old self and give her some advice. What would you say to her? Don’t be afraid to live? Well. I love that. Okay, and if there was one thing we could get the human race to do right now, so that we could move from fear to love. If there was like one thought one activity that we could get every human on this planet doing? What What do you think that would be?
Koya Webb 1:02:23 I mean, I was gonna say unconditional love. You know, because love a lot of times you base it on condition. And I feel like compassion. Hmm. Yeah. Like, if we have compassion, then we will have unconditional love if we realize that everyone’s doing the best that they can. And if they’re not, then something is wrong with them. They’re experiencing some kind of trauma that has them in this fear state. So that compassion if everyone had compassion, that I think we would have the conversation so we can start to heal ourselves. Yeah,
Dr. Mindy 1:02:55 I love that. I think that is so missing, especially in a kancil culture, right? Is that Yeah, I don’t like you, you’re out. But if we understood that we can all be different and still love each other. That’s, that’s incredible. What’s the one daily habit You talk a lot about yoga, meditation and sound healing. What is like one daily habit that you’re like, do every day to ground yourself and make yourself feel whole that you will never give up?
Koya Webb 1:03:22 I will never give up breathwork you know how awesome it is spirit, we have it when we enter this human experience. And we don’t need it anymore when we leave. So learning how to use the breath, whether you want to need to have be energized, you breathe faster, you do the Breath of Fire. And that will get you into your sympathetic and, you know, get you ready to take on and seize the day. Or if you need to de stress and calm down, you can use a breath to pull you into your parasympathetic nervous system. So you can rest and digest and be calm, which is what most of us need, because most of us are amped us 80 of the day. So you can use a breath. And the breath is our free tool that we get to help us get through this human experience. And I think a lot of people don’t realize how, how powerful it is and helping keep us at a more balanced state.
Dr. Mindy 1:04:11 Do you have a type of breathwork that you follow?
Koya Webb 1:04:14 So I specifically I’m certified. I’m a certified breathwork facilitator. So I use a holotropic breath and the breath is really good for trauma. But you know, when I first learned yoga, my favorite breath was a three part breath and that’s the simpler breath. And so you just inhale for five, hold for five seconds, and then exhale for five seconds. So and then whole and then and that really does get you into that parasympathetic state.
Dr. Mindy 1:04:41 I love that. I interviewed a guy who developed the soma breathing. Have you heard of Soma breathing? know, it’s a little bit like Wim Hof where you inhale and exhale, and then you hold and it I start, he got me doing breath work with my meditation in the morning. And I would agree it’s really profound and there’s, it’s like, there’s a whole bunch of different styles. So that’s why I was curious.
Koya Webb 1:05:03 There’s so many different styles of breathwork. And people always have, what’s the best out of this style is the one you do every day. So we’ll go through three or four of them, pick your favorite one, do it every day, you know. But yeah, I do the holotropic breath every day. And I do the three part breath. Those are the ones I do every single day. And I do Breath of Fire, which is, you know, I do a very deep one, a couple times a week. And so, but if you if you find, like, even the simplest one is going to regulate your nervous system, so I think every single person should be practicing breathwork daily.
Dr. Mindy 1:05:36 That’s the excellent answer. Okay, last question. If you had one message you could get into everybody’s brain on the planet. Just one key message about life, what would it be? You are love, always vibrate at that frequency. Hey, resellers, I just want to start off by saying thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews. And those of you that have left me comments on iTunes. I just greatly appreciate your thoughtfulness and how much you guys are enjoying these episodes. And it seems like you’re enjoying them as much as I am enjoying doing them. One of the things that I’ve learned in just interacting with so many people is that we’ve really lost the art of deep conversations. And for me, as the reseller podcast stands for having meaningful conversations with people who are thinking about health, about life, about mindset in a way that we may not be getting on social media or in mainstream media. And so I just want to say give you guys a shout out and just say thank you for participating in this process with me. Because as much as I absolutely love delivering the information to you, I love even more knowing that it’s impacting your life. So please let us know if there’s anything we can do to make this podcast more customized to you to make it better. We are now officially in season two. And we are working to bring you the best conversations that health influencers have that mindset changers can give and to really deliver you something that you’re not able to get anywhere else. So from the bottom of my heart, as I always say my YouTube from the bottom of my heart. I am deeply appreciative of you. I am deeply grateful to be on this journey with you and let’s get healthy together.