Protecting Your Peace: A Guide to Releasing Negativity – with Trent Shelton

Dr. Mindy  

On this episode of The recenter podcast, I bring you, Trent Shelton. So if you’re not familiar with Trent, he has quite a background as a former NFL wide receiver. But he has more importantly than that he has moved in to motivational speaking writing books, helping us all live an inspired life. And I recently met him and I was blown away at the inspiration that poured out of this man. He is like a gentle giant is what I will call them, I could sit and talk to him for hours. And his new book is a topic that I think is really important to all of us. And it’s called Protecting your peace. So he has written several books. The first book was called the greatest few. The second book was called straight up really straight and to the point advice that you pick up his books, and you can immediately put them into action. But the protecting your peace one is just a very important conversation for us all to have. Because in a world where as women and I know we have both men and women that listen to this podcast and couples and but you know, one of the things that I feel like we are just babies in understanding like this conversation is just starting to happen is how detrimental stress and overdoing is for women. And the reason that this is a problem is so many of us are people pleasers and Trent and I talk about how do you unwind the people pleaser? So many of us put everybody else’s needs ahead of our own. And we talk about that, you know, that old concept of how do you put your own oxygen mask on it his advice is so digestible, there was a he tells great stories, there’s a couple of amazing analogies that have stuck in my head since this conversation. And he’s really all about creating a life that has a rhythm of rest and is working for you where you’re choosing what goes on your calendar, you’re choosing who you hang out with, you’re choosing the pace to your life, and you’re making it a choice that works for you. That’s what protecting your peace means to him. And it’s such a beautiful discussion. So if you’re one of those that are really feeling like the pace of your life is too fast, you’re not sure how to unhook yourself from trying to please everybody. You are feeling very unsteady, you don’t know how to protect your own peace, Trent’s the guy to show you and this conversation is really dense. And I’m really excited to bring it to you. So Trent Shelton, protecting your peace.

Welcome to the resetter podcast. This podcast is all about empowering you to believe in yourself. Again, if you have a passion for learning, if you’re looking to be in control of your health and take your power back, this is the podcast for you.

Okay, well, let’s just jump in. And first off, I just want to say welcome to my podcast. It’s such an honor to have you here. Thanks for having me. I

Trent Shelton  

appreciate it. Yeah, I

Dr. Mindy  

love how it just everything worked out. Like I feel like all the stars aligned for us to have this conversation. Sure. And I have to tell you, like I had heard about your book. My first reaction was, that is a phenomenal title. My second reaction was, I need to read that book. And then when I saw you in person in Charleston, and I heard your speech like wow, like, just inspiration oozes out of you, and I’m sure people have told you that. But can you start with just how, where did you become this such an inspiring human because it’s like, it feels like it’s just like oxygen that just, you’re just breathing inspiration.

Trent Shelton  

Well, thank you. I appreciate that. You know, I always tell people it pretty much picked out me.

I didn’t ever set out to like be a speaker or be a author. It was me losing football. I mean my career was sports and you know few years and NFL and losing that and kind of losing my identity losing myself and hitting a rock bottom to like, man, what do I want to do in my life. And so that was a big area that I felt pushed me into what I do today, even though it wasn’t the only thing me having was the birth of my son Tristan. And then one of my best friends committed suicide. So Tristan really got me on the mindset of like, Man, I have a I now have a human that’s gonna follow my path. So I need to get some things right in my life. And then when my best friend committed suicide it was

is a thing of like, Man, I had so much guilt I was out somewhere in Dallas, I never forget July 4 weekend, I got that call. And immediately like, man, like, I didn’t realize he was going through this. And I was like, man, what if he had a voice to hear and a lot of guilt, but I had to let go of that. And I made a promise to him that I would literally walk into my biggest fear. I’m introvert by nature, but it was a calling on my life to say, You know what, I want to help people with their self worth help people know that just because something is over, because he lost 14 Lost relationships. So he felt like his life was over, that your life isn’t over. And that’s where it started, you know, back in, like 2009 is when I started recording content, but 2011 is when it became real for me.

Dr. Mindy  

So you know, it’s interesting in all the threads, the through line, and all of that is, and I think this happens to so many of us is that our like, who we show up as in the world becomes our identity. So if we show up at work, and we give ourselves a label, like we’re that’s our identity, I can’t tell you the number of moms I’ve sat with that once their kids leave the house like that’s their identity. And I think there’s something that’s really profound about what you do when your identity in these different areas of your life, all sudden shifts. How do you? There’s no manual for that? No, it’s not. So what how do you and I think about your friend, and I can tell you one of the things that burns on my heart all the time for menopausal women is that we go through this crazy hormonal change that has our brain really thinking different. And then we go through a crazy identity change. And the most common time for women to commit suicide is between 45 and 55. And if you think about that, you’re like, This is not a that’s not a teenager, that’s like a mom or grandma, like a community member. So there’s something in that changing who you think you are. Yeah, that I think really catches people. So do we have a formula for like, what do we do in that moment? Yeah,

Trent Shelton  

well, I can speak for myself, like, and maybe, you know, our listeners can relate. Like, for me, you know, my whole life. That was my identity. It was sports, it was like who am I? Without that not just even like me putting identity on myself. It’s like the world to like, when people introduce me, it’s like, hey, Trent’s My Friend, friend that plays football. And so I’m like, Oh, I’m valuable because of this title. And it was very hard, because I felt like I haven’t found my purpose in the book. But I felt like that was my purpose. And I think we make a mistake with that. I think we tie purpose to what I would call placement, you know, your titles and the identities in the world. And I believe that’s your place. And I believe purpose is something you search for, I believe, purposes, who you are not to learn that because when I lost football, I felt like I lost my purpose. And so I had to figure out who Trent Shelton was, without the labels, like at the core, like no followers, no. So even today, like no author, like no speaker, because these are the things that world puts on you. It’s like, who am I at my core. And I don’t know if I figured that out yet. I think I’m still in that journey. But I think I’ve gotten closer to be like, This is the life that I want to live and lead. If I didn’t have any of these outside things, you know, tied to it even without worth. And so that’s where my worth was that externally. And I think a lot of people go into depression, go into sadness go into like, man, he’s talking about the latest, you know, 40 years old, it’s like this thing, whether it be a parent, or it no longer has its power, maybe my kids are getting older. So what do I do now your worth is tied into being a parent, your worth is tied and will be a spouse. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But if your work is tied to something outside of you, if that thing doesn’t go right, or you lose it, or it’s over, then I feel worthless. And so I had to go on this journey of like, understanding that my worth had to be tied to something more permanent. And for me, it’s as simple as like, this is what I was created to be. And my worth is tied to Trent Shelton at the core, despite all the identities the world’s trying

Dr. Mindy  

to put on me, so if you could sum up who Trent Shelton at the core is, yeah, who is he just

Trent Shelton  

a guy who cares? Just a God who wants to, as my grandmother would say, leave things better than how I found it. It’s, um, she always told me like, if you want to be legendary, a legendary person is not a celebrity. It’s not a person that, you know, is the thing we look up to a legendary person is a person that really makes their presence felt. And their absence is really felt to you know, like, my mother, my grandmother’s like, I missed them every single day because of who they were in my life and, and what they the purpose that they had in this world and what they did. And so for me, it’s just like, I’m a guy who cares. I’m a guy every single day that wants to leave that day better than how I found it. And that’s something I could be 100% And

Dr. Mindy  

I really resonate with that part of how we hold on to our identity. And then if that shifts like you’re left with this sort of empty knowing of yourself yeah, I and I bet you can resonate with this one of the things that I’ve been like really trying to wrap my head around is, the last year of my life was the most successful of my entire career. And it would be really easy to be attached to the followers and the likes, and the book sales and all of that. And with as each one of those numbers grew, the more I landed in my therapists office, because I was like, I have to make sure I do not get attached to that I do not want to, I want like I even say there’s Dr. Mindy. And then there’s Mindy, right. And like Mindy is who I’m trying to cultivate, and get to know because if you’re attached to the external, that’s gonna move around, and you’re gonna be up one day, you’re gonna be down one day, and you’re just on a roller coaster. So but you can do I mean, I’ve watched so many moms like when they launched their kids into the world, like, the success of a parent, is a child leaving your home, right, yeah. And then you’re left with this sort of empty shell. So talk to us a little bit about how we connect back to ourselves. Because in the book, you have a couple of things I really resonated with. One is your morning time, I’d love to talk a little bit about that. And the other one is the connection to nature, which was so beautifully said in there about like how if you don’t ever go out into nature, why would that be connected, fill you and feel connection, but I think it was a really powerful point in the book. So yeah, talk a little bit about how do we create a routine to connect back to us?

Trent Shelton  

Yeah, you have to, you know, always tell people, you have to find your prescription for your piece. But in my prescription, it’s, you know, I have, it’s, I laugh because I get texts all the time now, since the book came out about my 12pm theory, like I’m unavailable to the world for the most before it’s 12pm. And people are like, texting me, I’m so sorry. Like, like, like, It’s not that serious. But I’m like, you know, I’m usually on Do Not Disturb. And it’s not because, like, I don’t want to interact with the world, but I’ve realized, like, in me taking care of my world, you know, my family, myself, me filling my cup up, I come into the world, a better human being right, I’m coming more fuel, my energy is better. My mindset is better, my focus is better. And so yeah, morning times, you know, it’s, it’s me, really what I would call protecting my peace. And what that looks like is I’m creating energy that I need. I’m a big believer in doing things that multiply your energy. You know, some people say eat the frog the first thing of the day, like, that’s not my strategy, because I’m like, that drains me. But for me, it’s like, even the smallest things like what are the big energy things for me that that multiplies it so you know, the cold punches the the working out the meditation, I’m a big, big sunrise guy, like, the sunrise reminds me that we have another day a new beginning, and I obsess over sunrise and so I’m out there pretty much every day taking the sunrise and that fills my cup up. And when I do these things more efficient and be consistent with you know, keeping the promises I make to myself, my habits, my routines. And so that’s what it looks like for me and I’m always in nature. So even this morning, I was in nature I went out to the Culver City stairs in, you know, yeah, I found it’s like the view, you know, I mean, but I was I was able to disconnect for me the trails like saved my life, because when I was going through my hardest times of even losing my mother her going through cancer, even, you know, me dealing with so many things personally. The trails was my safe space, it was a space for me to go to so when I walk in these trails, usually the reception is bad. So nothing exists. It was my place to cry was my place to talk to God, it wasn’t my place to figure out who I am. And it forced me to face myself. I feel like so many people are afraid to be with themselves. So they stay busy. They use busy as an excuse to not face themselves. They’re always going, going going. And so that was a time for me to get to know myself. me get to be honest with myself. What am I struggling with? What am I dealing with? In nature, I believe nature hills, I mean, it’s scientifically proven. And I feel like nature is literally God’s natural medicine for the soul and it’s something about being out in nature. That is a beautiful quote that walks the soul back home and that

Dr. Mindy  

was it that’s in the book. I was like, wow, now I we just got back from Wyoming. We just flew in from Wyoming this week. This morning, so I was fresh off my butt say that quote say that quote because that was so good.

Trent Shelton  

A walk in nature walks us all back home. So that’s not my quote. I can’t sleep thinking the guy’s name slipping my mind but that’s a quote. I was actually in Seattle and they had it in one of the by the waterfalls and it just stuck with me because it’s true. I just always feel recenter refocus. I feel lighter. You know, when I’m feeling heavy, I just feel lighter. When I’m out in nature. Yeah.

Dr. Mindy  

You know, from a actual like body perspective, when we are When we’re around like electronics are that’s a frequency that is agitating to our bodies. And when we go out into nature, it’s an it’s literally a frequency they can measure it. And it’s there’s a thing called the Schumann’s resonance, which is the frequency of the earth. And when you go out into nature, you’re you’re raising your frequency as opposed to being inside, where all the electronics are, you’re depleting your literal frequency of your of your cells.

Trent Shelton  

I believe it 100% I mean, I feel recharged. Yeah, when I’m out there. And then I love traveling and all the things just, I mean, I always call it the triple threat. I mean, you’re for your body walking or trail running. It’s great for your mind, and also for your energy. And then, like the life like the sounds, you know, it touches all the senses. You hear birds chirping, you’re all this. I always tell people, I don’t always love the things in nature. I’ve had some encounters with like animals and things like my allergies. I’ve always loved nature. But yeah, for sure, but, but it’s just like, what it what it gives to my soul is I mean, I can’t find to me, that’s the greatest medicine that I’ve found for my life. And it’s changed everything for me

Dr. Mindy  

and great. Talk about the people pleasing, because that was also something that was really hit me. And just full transparency. I’m a recovering people pleaser. Like, just really realizing that now. And a friend of mine said to me one day, she said, you know, you’re so afraid to disappoint other people, but you’re not afraid to disappoint yourself. Yeah.

Trent Shelton  

And that’s it, you have to be more afraid of letting yourself down than letting everybody else down. It doesn’t mean that, you know, always tell people like I have this quote that some people kind of look at me sideways. But I said I’d rather live. I really be viewed as cold hearted and their broken heart. And what I mean by that is like, are whether somebody’s telling me oh, you changed or you don’t come around no more are because I’m no longer doing the things that maybe they benefited from all your cold hearted. But I know when I have disrespected my boundaries, when I continue to please people, and let myself down. I’m breaking my own heart. And so being a professional people pleaser, as I call it, is a real thing. And I think we’re so afraid, as you said, to let people down that we let ourselves down. And at some point, you’re going to feel empty, at some point, you’re not going to have nothing to give to the world. And I have a quote that says, the first step to being happy is trying to please everyone else. Yeah. And I think that’s so true. And so what I’ve learned how to do is, I’ve gotten to a point and it’s taken, it’s taken work, and I still have my people pleat pleasing tendencies. But I realized that’s Mission Impossible. I’m like, This is who I am. And I know I’m a kind hearted person, and I’m a good hearted person. But if, if how I’m living or what I’m doing, doesn’t please your perception, that’s not my problem. And a lot of people will put their perception on you. And they will want you to be who they want you to be. And I mean, I even having in my career where people would be like, You should talk like this or sound like this. And if I listened to everybody, my life would be all over the place. So I gotta listen to what’s true to me.

Dr. Mindy  

Is there is there a way to check in with yourself? So here’s what’s interesting, as I was reading this book on the plane this morning, coming here, I have like three things that I was really struggling with, if I was gonna say yes, or now. And then I read parts of your book, and I was like, okay, there are no, like, I’m gonna say no to these things now. And you there was something in there about how when you say all the yeses, you’re now living other people’s lives. Yeah, you’re not living your own. So what I then asked myself was like, is there some kind of internal feeling that I could have of like, because of putting myself into the future of say, agreeing to all these things? And but then when I get in it, I’m like, this is horrible. Whoever signed me up for this. Exactly. And then I’m like, I signed me up for this. So do you have like a gut instinct? Do you have like a formula use your in your head? Because surely right now you’ve got so many opportunities? Is there like a litmus test that you do that say this works for me? This doesn’t work for me. Yeah,

Trent Shelton  

it’s trial and error. I think I’m saying yes. So many times in my past a certain things that I’m even seeing good on the surface, even seeing there were great, but they weren’t great for my peace. And so peace is always my guiding force on how I make decisions with my life. If it’s going to take away from my peace, and I know it and it’s going to stress me out then it’s an easy no. For me, it’s I like to tell people like your principles. What are the principles you have set up in your life, that, you know your principles can make the decision? It sounds like a cop out, but I tell people all the time, like I would love to do that. But the way my principles are set up, I can’t do it. And so it’s not me telling you You know, it’s my principles because if I go against my principles, I know where that’s gonna lead, it’s gonna lead to burnout, it’s gonna lead to stress, it’s going to lead to me gaining weight, it’s gonna lead to all these things. If I continue to say yes, and there’s a beautiful quote, it’s not mine. It’s by a rapper Nipsey Hussle. He passed away. I don’t know if it’s his, but he said, something that really stuck with me. He said, Would you rather be at peace with the world at war with yourself? Or would you rather be at peace with yourself and at war with the world? And that really hit me because I think a lot of people are choosing to be at war with themselves by making everything and everybody else happy.

Dr. Mindy 

Oh, you said something, I have to write this down. Because you I have to speak this because I wrote it down in my notes. You said, Oh, it was round relationships. Oh, next thing, you know, this is what happens to me. That’s exactly what happens to me is I say yes to everybody else’s agenda. And the next thing I know is I’m exhausted. And my relationships now feel like a war. Yeah. So isn’t that interesting? That we wouldn’t? Would we really, we say yes to things, that we’re now overextended. We’re not our best selves, and it’s affecting our relationships 1,000%

Trent Shelton  

even even the immediate relationship that you probably say yes to, because what can happen is you start to resent that person, right? You start to resent and you start to feel like, Man, I really want to tell you no, but I’m saying yes, and I’m drained. I’m not going to tell you, but I’m really resent you because I’m literally drained. But I’m stealing this. And then also you don’t have energy for the people that need you. So my family is my everything. And so I say a lot of nodes that was taken away from me that I can’t be the dad or husband I need to be, and they don’t deserve that. And so always have my priorities and principles intact. And I’m pretty good. I keeping those things in place. You know, I mean, can you share what

Dr. Mindy  

those principles are? Because I think there’s something really key there. Because that that’s your litmus test, right? If you run it through, what do you have a list of what these prints? Yeah,

Trent Shelton  

I mean, one is this family first, right? Well, I talked about this in the book, I think just put yourself first. But when it comes to family, first, I’m always making decisions for my family. So right now, like, I’m going to leave here and go do an interview. And then I’m making sure that I will be at my son’s football game in the morning. And so if I couldn’t have made it, I probably wouldn’t be out here. And so those are just things that I have non negotiables set in place, my 12pm theory, you know, that’s another principle that I’ve set in place. So there have been opportunities for me that, you know, whether it be a zoom, and I’m like, if the opportunity can’t wait to after 12, then it must not be really meant for my life, because I believe something that’s special like that, it’d be there. And I think what’s happened to a lot of people is I see a lot of people not to kind of changes, but like, their pace is being guided by panic of their life. And their pace is being guided by scarcity. So for me, I gotta take everything. To me. That’s a scarcity mindset. And I’ve been there before, and it’s literally burnt me out. But now, I allow peace to God, my pace, it’s just like running the race. In life, if you get outside your pace, then you are going to burn out and you’re gonna, you’re gonna be tired, you’re not going to do your part. And for me, the race is not to get deep, but the race is bigger than me. Because right now I have the baton in my hand, and I’m running my part. But I have to give this baton to my kids. And so if I’m burned down and not running my race efficiently, guess what they’re gonna have to do play catch up their whole entire life and get in run harder than they would have, they would have to. So I think about that and say, Man, I need to be able to say no to a lot of things that go against kind of my peace and my priorities, because I’m in this for the long haul. And I trust myself, and another

Dr. Mindy  

opportunity will come. Yeah. How hard was that? When you first started saying no,

Trent Shelton  

it was it was super hard, because I cared how people felt about me, right? I killed I cared that man, people are gonna think I’m a, I’m a, you know, a bad person or a man trend stuck up. He never does this or that. And that started to bother me. But I had to let go of people’s opinions. Because end of the day, and I know this might seem like extreme, but I realized that a lot of people you’re pleasing, that are outside of you. And I’m not saying they don’t care about you, but I’m sure some of them do. But a lot of us people need to be at your funeral service. know a lot of people aren’t going to be around in your hardest times. And I’ve realized that even when I played football, that was I think that really helped me become who I am today as far as saying no, because when I was in sports, obviously I was the guy that everybody wanted things from. So I said yes to my friends, I will take care of everything. I’ll pay for everything. And when I lost that, it was like, I couldn’t depend on them. It wasn’t no reciprocation there. And so I’m like, oh, then we love me just as much as they can use me or benefit from me. And so moving forward, I’m like, I’m not going to feel guilty anymore for respecting my peace and knowing my worth and saying no, because I know the latter, you know, yeah.

Dr. Mindy  

And and when I hear those words I put myself in the shoes of a lot of women, one of the things we do is we feel good about ourselves when we’re giving to everybody else. And so it’s scary as shit to think about not getting those like, Oh, you’re amazing, those comments of like, Thank you, you’re so helpful. I don’t know what I would do without you. Like so many women, like live that’s like the like the juice that gives them energy to get up the next day. So if we, if we take what you just said, which is, okay, all these people you you were giving to when you stopped giving them to them. They weren’t around. I think if a lot of women looked at that, that would frighten them. Because they might lose friends, they might lose, you know, family members. So did you in that change? I would think it was a changing of quality of human you were hanging around? Absolutely. Like, what did that look like? Did you lose a bunch of people and then you went to oh, I only have like now five people in my life that loved me.

Trent Shelton  

And I think sometimes the best way to add to your life is to subtract from it, I realized that I didn’t need a whole bunch of people around to make a big impact. I realized that I needed the right people. And what was crazy, like just being honest, like, during that time, I felt like I put the right people on the backburner. And I was hanging around people that, you know, maybe at that time I was going out or they were beneficial to kind of the lifestyle I was living. And I realized, and I asked myself this question, and I still I teach my kids, everybody, if all you had to offer was friendship who would still be around? That’s good. And that opened my eyes up. And it got me around the right people that said, I care about Trump, because he’s a human, because I love him for who he is. I don’t care about what he does, like he could do whatever, I’ll still be there. And those are the people that I started to put myself around more. So I would I would tell the person listen to this, ask yourself that question. And a lot of times when it comes to, you know, I knew I had this problem with like, enabling people, you know, helping

Dr. Mindy  

you write about that. Talk about that. Because I think, again, a lot of the people listening to this, we’re getting self worth by enabling people. Yeah. Because if you need me, I feel good about myself.

Trent Shelton  

That’s the thing. We want to feel needed. And I get it. But the thing that, like I even teach my kids is that, you know, I’m gonna help you. But I love you too much to have you depend on me for the rest of your life. I don’t want codependency. I know, there’s your time with kids, you know, in adults, but I don’t want you to be so codependent that if something happens to me, you don’t know what to do. I love you too much to do it for you, I’ll teach you, I’ll show you, as I say, I’ll teach you how to fish. But at some point, you have to catch your own. Because a lot of times we’re saying I want to help this person, I want to help this person. And really, you’re only helping that person depend on you more, and you’re not teaching that person to be self sufficient. You’re not teaching that person to be self reliant, and you’re being their sealer. And that’s scary. Like, I don’t want to be somebody stealing. And I don’t want to I don’t want to be the you can’t grow because you’re always dependent on me. And it’s hard because I’ve had to let go of people. Because I love them. Because I say, You know what, if I keep trying to change you, and that’s a big thing, too. Like, I had to let go the idea. I know, me being in my space, and I care so much. And I don’t know if you struggle with this, but like always want to help people, right? Ya know, like, my friends, my family, but it’s hard because especially when, you know, they don’t really always receive the help. And it’s like, man, I’m telling you, this is how you do it. But what I had to do is, I had to let go of the idea of who I wanted that human being to be. And I think that’s a problem. Because sometimes, obviously, we want them to be the best version of themselves. And we think we know. But you have to learn how to let go of people so they can grow in it scary because maybe they go down a road that you don’t want them to grow, go down, but you can’t be somebody’s sibling. And so that gave me peace to just saying I would say like I let go and let god I just hate Here you go world like, do with this person that you know you need to do. I’m always here to help and support. But I can’t sit here and continue to enable you and continue to always be there for you in a way that you’re not being there for yourself. So it’s tough, but

Dr. Mindy  

right because now you’re you’re the best version of them. You’re you’re trying to be the best version of them and that’s their lives. Talk a little bit about there was a statement in the book that I really, actually went back and reread the sentence a couple of times, which was that boundaries are a bridge. boundaries have definitely something I’ve struggled with. It’s along the lines of people pleasing, but it’s just knowing how to set a boundary what is a boundary? And I sure as heck never thought of it as a bridge and what is it a bridge to?

Trent Shelton  

For sure. So yeah, a lot of people struggle with the word boundary, I think we tie a negative connotation to it, it’s like boundary is this wall is this barrier that keeps things out. And I’ll be clear, it can be that, like, if somebody disrespects your boundary over and over, maybe it needs to become a wall, that they build that wall, you don’t build that wall, a boundary. reason I call it a bridge, because a boundary should lead you to something better. So if you say that I want more peace in my life, then you should set a boundary that activates that, right. That’s why it’s a bridge, even relationships. So even in my marriage, we have boundaries that are there in his strengthens of my marriage, because, you know, Maria, she has a boundary like she, you know, her morning time, she likes her morning time for herself. Obviously, I like my morning time, that’s a boundary sometimes I don’t want to respect them like that I want to be But understand, she needs that boundary for her peace to live her best life. And it’s the same in friendships. And I think the problem is, is that, you know, people don’t set boundaries for two reasons, you know, worry and guilt. We worry about, you know, what this person gonna say we worry about, you know, it was a boundary with family, you know, we worried about what the family is gonna say, Are we feel guilty, that we’re leaving people behind, or this it’s a negative thing. And I think boundaries are beautiful when they’re set. Right? And the only way they’re set right, and most people miss this part is that they’re communicating right?

Dr. Mindy  

Oh, yeah. You mentioned that about how communication would say that, because you said in perfect communication leads to there was some quote you had in there about communication, poor communication actually creates a worse situation. Yeah,

Trent Shelton  

exactly. It does. Um, and it’s not fair, like, communication is oxygen to every relationship that you have, right? Without it, it just will die. And the thing that I see, and I’ve been guilty of this is like, we set the silent boundaries with people, and we don’t communicate it to them. And we expect people to respect a solid boundary that they don’t even know exist, yep. And you’re getting into your feelings, or you’re feeling disrespected, or whatever. But you never let this person know, like, Hey, this is why I need this boundary. So the first thing I would tell somebody listening is like, go talk to a person and you know, obviously communicate in a healthy way. Understand who you’re communicating with, because I’ve learned and coaching and things like that, you know, different people receive communication, different ways. But you tell them why you’re setting this boundary, why you need this boundary. And a person that truly cares about you is probably going to respect that because they want to see the best you write, I see a big thing of people, it’s like, well, I just expected them to know. They’re not mind reader’s right, you got to be mature in your communication and communicate. Yeah.

Dr. Mindy  

And so let me run a scenario for you. Because I know you’ve had this with, with your parents, or at least with your mother, what we many of the people that listen to this podcast are dealing or that sandwich generation, right? Whether you have like, you’re still got your kids, and then you’re taking care of your parents now. And so you end up in this real dilemma of like, I’m a mom, I still need to show up for my kids. And I have my aging parents, and they need me for X, Y, and Z like, this is something I’m going through is like, do I need to go to every doctor’s appointment with them? What do I need to do? And I’ve asked myself where my responsibility lies as as a daughter as a mother. So in that scenario, how do you set a boundary because so many women get into their 50s, and men get into their 50s, and they just got done with parenting? And now they have to take care of their parents. And so their whole life dramatically changes? Because now they’re taking care of their parents. But where is there a boundary in that?

Trent Shelton  

Yeah, so I have a thing that I I’ve always taught called. It’s called Ark communication. And in each one is an acronym. And I’m telling this because I feel like it’s important to have the conversation with with both parties. So like, if I’m in that situation, I’m having a conversation with my kids. And I’m having a conversation with my parents. And I think this can help. I’ve learned how to do this because I’ve had times where I just communicated like out of anger, you know, and just like communicate out of frustration, and it never works out. So that a simply stands for appreciation. So anytime I’m about to set a boundary with a person, I’m going to go with appreciation to that person and let them know how I feel about them. I appreciate what you’ve done, who you are in my life, etc, etc. And then the arm stands for just reassurance. So I’m going to overly reassured them that you know, I want to help them I want to be there for them. I care for them. I love them. And then see is the complaint or concern and what What happens is most times is that when you go through that process, you’re in a better place to give communication and they’re in a better place to receive it. And so I’m going to do that if I’m in a situation, I’m going to tell my mom or my dad, you know, I want to be there for you as much as I can, like, let me know what you need me for. But I do want you to understand, like, I have all these responsibilities. And I know you want to see me the best me I know, you want to see me the best father, and I want to be there for you, and I will be there for you. But if I’m there all the time, then I’m going to be drained, I’m going to be stressed, you’re going to see a lesser version of me. So I’m going to explain that to them. And then I’m just gonna be honest, and it’s, it’s tough. But at that point, they have a choice to accept it or not accept it. But one thing that I’m not going to do is, I’m not going to lose myself, because I have so many other responsibilities, and I’m not going to feel guilty for it. It’s hard. It’s easy, right? But then I’m gonna talk to my kids. And the same thing, hey, you know, I can’t be at every little thing. That’s the thing, or I can’t, I don’t know, you read in the book. But like, I had a thing with Tristan, where it’s called Daddy shop. And ever since he was a little boy, like, I take an I hated like to close daddy shop, because that was my thing. Like, I would get them dressed for school, comb his hair and make his breakfast, I loved it. And he got to a point where he was like, I want to say PRI eight, eight years old, 10 years old. And one day I was like, Man, I’m being assylum. And I gotta set this boundary because I need my mornings for me. And I want to teach them how to take care of himself. So I say Tristan, Today’s a day, man, like, you handle everything, pick your own clothes out, brush your hair, cook your own breakfast, we almost burned down the house, his clothes were terrible. But over time, we had a boy like that in our house all over it. But now he’s he’s like the best cook ever. Like his pancakes are scrumptious, like he’s fly. But I had to set that boundary, it was hard. I didn’t want to set it. But I knew I had to set it in order to see him grow and let him grow. And also to give me some time that I needed for myself. Because again, if I’m not the best version of me, then all these other things suffer anyway. And so that helps me make those decisions and send those boundaries. Yeah.

Dr. Mindy  

Where do you where do? Where does service exist for you in your mind and heart? Because the other piece where I get caught a little bit sometimes is I know, I’m actually the happiest version of me when I’m spending the energy of my life towards making this world a better place you set it like how do I leave this place a better world. And in my service heart is what I call it, I couldn’t really my boundaries could go away. Because I want to get this message out to the world, I want to help all these women, it’s like I have this, this heart that just wants to help. And yet I can often do it at the expense of my own physical and mental health. So talk to me a little bit like inside your mind, because I sense from you that you’re very service oriented, and you’re here to make a difference for others. Do you have a conversation in whether it’s daily or weekly? Where you’re like, Okay, I really want to serve and give back in this moment. But I’m depleted or that is going to deplete me. Is there? Is that the kind of conversation that is going on in your mind at all times? Yeah,

Trent Shelton  

I have a routine every day. That works for me. And once I check off that box, I don’t feel guilty anymore. Because, you know, I have I mean, on Facebook, it’s worth, I don’t know, 12 million followers, right? And so, my inbox literally, it’s 1000s and 1000s of messages of people wanting help wanting my time, right? And answer them. I do. And that’s the thing, like not all of them. But there was a point where I couldn’t answer everybody, right? But it was literally depleting me like, you know, you’re taking all people’s problems and it’s raining right string, and people understand that and, and then it was a point where if I don’t respond, it’s like, Oh, I knew you didn’t care. And they used to break my heart cuz I’m like, fill in the blanks. Like, I wish you knew that I just spent the hour responding to everybody else, but I didn’t respond to them. And so in their mind, oh, you’re not who you say you are. And it used to bother me so much. Because I’m like, and all the things I give to my community and like the support, like I show up on lives, and I literally like I will do hikes for free and bring people in I’m like, man, so I had to go down this journey as a trip, man, like, you just spent the hour like of helping people, you’re not going to please everybody, you’re not going to help everybody. There’s always gonna be somebody that you miss somebody who feels a certain type of way. And you have to have a better a better foundation for your truth and how you feel about yourself. So for me, I’m going to serve every day, at least 45 minutes in my inbox. And once I do that, I check off that box no matter what anybody says. I know what I did. So I have those those slots in my life where, as long as I do XYZ, as our call live in purpose, that I’m satisfied for the day no matter what somebody says no matter how somebody feels. And so that’s my measuring stick. So

Dr. Mindy  

it’s like service hours. There you go. I think we all could create that. Whether you’re answering, you know, millions of comments on Facebook or giving to everybody around you, I think they’re you that you’re onto something really interesting there. Because you could set like, Oh, I’m going to serve and give two hours out of the day. And whether it’s going to help somebody or do something, and then the rest is going to be these blocked moments for myself. There you go. I really, I really liked that. And I can tell you from social media, who it’s so hard, because you just want to answer everybody. You want to help everybody. And you can’t, you just can’t. So I admire that even try for I’ll try. It’s definitely for sure. Okay, you had another quote that I really, really loved us really good one liners, I’m, by the way, I am a highlighter. When I read, and I pulled out my highlighter. And you could look at the book. I was like, Sure. I was highlighting everything. I’m like, Ooh, that’s good. That’s good. And then I had to, there was too many goods and your book that I had to go over and like be like, Oh, my God, okay, this was something that this this phrase I really loved, which was visionaries turned down the voices of everyone else. So explain what a visionary is. And then how the heck do you turn down the voice of everyone else in your brain? Yeah.

Trent Shelton  

It takes a lot of practice. And that’s why we talked about earlier, the nature, for me is a place where I turn down the noise. Because you know, everybody, not everybody, but some people think that they have the best intentions, right? They think that they know what’s right for your life. And sometimes people are right, sometimes people are way off. I mean, when I first started this people told me that being a speaker Yeah, right. Like, you don’t look like one you don’t talk like one. Like you’d never went to. You don’t toasts, Matt, like they wouldn’t go. either. And so people have their own vision for you and understand them. That’s cool. But when you’re a visionary, visionary is just a person that you know, has a vision and whatever that vision may be in your locked into that vision. And the best way to illustrate this is like it’s almost like having prescription lenses, right. And your prescription lenses are uniquely designed for you, you go to the eye doctor, Doc, Tom Thomas, I learned how to say that. And you go to the doctor, and you do all these tests, and they say, Hey, this prescription is for you. And I had this moment, I always tell their story. I this moment when Maria, my wife, and you know, she’s been wearing glasses forever. So our eyesight is like she knows is it’s our oranges, right? And she knows in my eyesight isn’t always the best neither. But she has glasses, right? And I put them on, and I put them on, I was like, Oh my gosh, you’re blind, you can’t see nothing. And she like looked at me and like, they’re my glasses. You’re not supposed to see her. So God and it hit me. I said, You just gave me something I feel like can shift so many people with vision. I was like, You’re right, I’m gonna see, I’m not gonna see clear because this prescription wasn’t for me. And it’s the same with the your God given vision that people that’s been put on you, nobody is gonna see it. Most people won’t see it. Maybe a few people, but it’s been given to you. And a lot of times what we do is we expect other people to see it. Like, when we have an idea. What’s the first thing most people do they run to the people closest to him, they run to their friends and family. Now your friends or family are visionaries, and they’re supportive? Yes, go do it. But oftentimes, those people aren’t going to understand it. Yeah, they’re gonna see you for who you used to be or who you are to them. So for a lot of people around me, I’m just a football player. So train, you have a vision to speak across the world do all these things, I don’t see it. But again, they’re now trying to put on my lenses. So of course, they’re not going to see it. So and so what I tell people is like, if you take off your glasses, your vision and let somebody see it, if they can see what you see, because they’re a visionary, too great. But if they don’t, don’t allow that to make you put your glasses that’s been given to you in your pocket, you live the rest of your life. Not clear, because you allow somebody who wasn’t meant to see your vision, you know, prevents you from living yours. And so I’m very protective over it. I call it like Vision Protection, and I’m very protective over it. I don’t need anybody to see it. Of course it feels great when people understand it. But sometimes you know, this, like, the dream and vision is so big sometimes you don’t even understand it.

Dr. Mindy  

Yeah, I always say to people, especially on my team, I always say I can see it up here. I can’t I don’t have words for it yet. But I can see the vision that I’m trying I used to create. And then the more I sort of sit in the vision, the more the words come out. And sometimes you want to try the words out on people, but then you got to be really careful. That’s right. Some of them will start to rip it to shreds when you’re not quite haven’t fully vetted that vision yet, but I love I love the eyeglass one, which actually leads me to wonder, Have you Have you received any a lot of hate on socials at all? Oh,

Trent Shelton  

yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I’ve been in this for, like, 15 years. So there’s, there’s people, there’s people who don’t agree with what I do. You know, it’s definitely more love. And that’s the thing I had to realize, like, I have this quote that I tell people don’t let the 10% of hate. Take your mind off and 90% of it, because the hate is loud, because you’re not used to it, it’s something different. And then you literally give your energy to that when there’s 1000s of people that love what you do. So I made a promise to myself to give my support energy to those that that that needed. And when people hate, I don’t protect my peace. I don’t try to, you know, prove them wrong. I was like, that’s how you feel you’re right. That’s great. And it doesn’t have to stop my life. I’m just gonna keep serving. But one thing is for sure, I’m not going to stop. And so I’ve learned how to own my power, my peace by not allowing somebody to pull me out of character and take my energy towards that. Yeah.

Dr. Mindy  

What do you see you and I chatted about this, when we first sat down, do a lot of speaking, you’ve been doing a lot of this podcasting. And you’ve, you know, out in what I call the trenches with people. What do you see in about humanity right now. And I think, because this is something for my vision that I spent a lot of time looking at patterns that our culture is going through, and looking at where I can be of service within these patterns. Like I’ll give an example right now, one of the patterns for women specifically is there’s just too much information about nutrition out there, and women are getting real people in general are getting really lost. They’re like, Oh, I should go do this. Oh, now I should go do this. So I’ve been really trying to synthesize all that information and try to bring it into simple chunk and into simple ways for people to bring it bring everybody into the conversation. So what have you noticed, as you’ve been out into the world, are you seeing are people suffering? Are they confused? You talked a little bit about how people are expressing themselves for the first time. You’ve been doing motivational speaking for 15 years? Yeah. Where are people at?

Trent Shelton  

Yeah, I think we’re at a place number one, definitely the information overload. Yes,

Dr. Mindy  

great. And

Trent Shelton  

I’m glad that you’re doing that. Because, you know, I saw one place like, you know, don’t drink water, I’m just like, you can find like

I’ve done I’m supposed to so like, it just, you gotta like, that’s awesome. You got a trial and error. And like, You got to, like, at least stick with something for a while and like, fill your own body and see what works. But what I’m seeing is, you know, I am seeing a lot more people be vocal about what they’re going through. You know, one of the things that that always broke my heart is solid battles, you know, people crying out for help, but not saying the word Yeah. But now I feel like people are opening up and talking. And it’s not a weakness, no more, you know, obviously, you know, I think 2020 really shifted that a lot about mental health. Mental health is no longer a weakness, like, I’m going to talk about what I’ve gone through, so I can seek help. I’m often seeing to a lost generation of people what I mean by that, like, they’re chasing after things that they don’t even know what they’re chasing after, you know, chasing after perfection chasing after, you know, social media, you know, it’s just a constant Chase. And I see a lot of people are tired, burnt out, and jumping from one thing to the next, you know, starting one thing this week and a month later to try on something else. And then they’re given up on themselves. And then the last thing that I see is just it comes down to people not feeling like they’re enough. And, you know, I started in this space with self worth. And actually, I went on a tour on tour, and I asked this question to all my VIP audience. So it was like hundreds of hundreds of people, maybe one maybe two people actually had to answer. And because everybody complained, like, I just feel like, I’m not enough. So I asked the question. I said, Okay, what’s your what’s your definition of enough? And nobody knew,

Dr. Mindy  

right? We’re all chasing something. We don’t even we’re trying to feel like I’m not

Trent Shelton  

enough. Yeah. What’s your definition of enough? Yeah. And this idea of perfection. It’s like you’re chasing something that doesn’t even exist right now. And so when I say that, like, what’s your definition of enough people are like, I don’t know, is enough followers enough. Making them how people feel about you like, what’s enough. And I think is just mission impossible for a lot of people and people are suffering because of that. Yeah. How do we

Dr. Mindy  

change that? I, I, what are the at the end of this? I’ll ask you the question I asked everybody, which is what is health? Because I think that something as simple as that question. Most people can’t answer, but then they’re all You know, spending money on supplements and gyms and memberships and things trying to get healthy, but they don’t know what the definition of health is. And so there’s so many scenarios of that in this world where we’re chasing something that we think when we get it, we’re going to be happy, or we’re going to be, we’re going to be the person we always thought we were going to be. And yet, we don’t even have a definition of the thing that we’re chasing. Yeah. And what we may be chasing? Is this horrible, yucky feeling inside of me of not enough and what I just need to do everything I can. So I don’t feel that. How do you? And how do you think we changed that as a culture? Yeah,

Trent Shelton  

I think we, as a culture, I just feel like we have to simplify. And we have to let people know and value people based on who they are as a human. You know, I think it starts there. Like, I feel like we only value people and they’re valuable, you know, as far as like, you know, who you are what you do, like one of the things that I that I can’t stand is like, when somebody treats me different when they find out like who I am, or what I do, I’m like, No, treat me good. Or however you want to treat me based upon the heart of me. And that’s why I’m never, I never tell people what I do half the times, I’m like, I want you to love my heart judge me based on that, if I’m a terrible person, because our interaction and cool, but I don’t want you to treat me different because of some celebrity or some status around my name. And so I think that’s a big part too, is like, with people, we got to get back to the foundation of like, who we are, as a core in who we are at the core and making that so simplistic, because you said something that’s very powerful. You know, a lot of people, they’re chasing all these things. And once they get it, they think they’re missing something, oh, I’m missing finances. And of course, these things can help your life but are missing, you know, notoriety or missing status, or missing all these things. And I tell people, if you can’t be fulfilled with nothing, you’ll never be fulfilled with everything. Because that will wear off, you know, hedonic adaptation, or what they call it, it’s like, and basically, it’s a fancy word to say you’re gonna get used to it. And once you get used to it, you know what, you’re still left with the things you didn’t heal from. And so, I want people to heal that a foundational level and I talked about this in the book, principle nine is like living fulfillment. What does fulfillment mean to you? Yep. And for me, it’s simply doing what I love with who I love. And that’s when I felt the most happiest. And this is a person that NFL career, I was the lowest in my life. So I’m like, Okay, well, this is my mecca of life. And I’m still low. There’s some wrong followers speaking on stages, you know, financial freedom, all these things. Still didn’t give me peace. You know, it was the time freedom. And the time freedom allowed me to do things that really matter to me. Yeah. So I think if we simplify life, simplify happiness. I’ll talk about that in the book where we make happiness so easy to obtain every single day, we have no choice but to be happy. Yeah. Because most people’s list is hard. Yeah. It’s like, I gotta have all these checkboxes to be happy. I’m like, That’s Mission Impossible every day. Yeah,

Dr. Mindy  

absolutely. Absolutely. I, you know, I’ve had a real Aha, again, in the last year, because we had, I had so much success, with fastonic, a girl going out into the world. And what I realized is that there were moments and I was like, I’m living what I have dreamed of my whole life. And yet, there are still some holes that I’m filling. There’s still some traumas, there’s still some patterns of thought that even all this success could not undo. And I, I’m so grateful that I had had a sense of like, well, there you go, it’s not going to be the next level of more, it’s going to be taking those patterns of thought and starting to get to the root cause of them and break them apart and understand them. But I think this year more than ever, I have a real AHA of Oh, yeah, that thing that you think you want? You know, it’s the Be careful what you ask for, because you may get it and realize that the pain and suffering that you have now is still there. Yeah, when you get the thing that you always dreamed of getting. And

Trent Shelton  

that’s when depression can rise even more absolute because you got your everything and it’s like, wait a minute, I’m still missing something. That’s why you see a lot of, you know, athletes, celebrities, you know, take their life because I just feel like they get to that point of like, okay, if this can’t provide my peace and happiness, then there’s nothing else you know, even when football for me, I went through that journey where I was close to taking my life because I’m like, if this is the greatest thing in my life, and I’m still feeling something’s missing, then what’s the point of living anymore? So I had to go down to a foundational level and change what I call my measuring stick just like happiness and worth and make it so simplistic and it helped me because the next thing you know, I say this when I speak, and this might not be true for all of you, but maybe For somebody watching this is like, your next level is not upward as inward, as some of us are next level is like, climbing higher, but a lot of times just diving deeper, like you said to the root issues in your life, of like, where did this come from? Why do I feel inadequate? Why do I feel like I’m, you know, I’m not good enough. And a lot of times I stems from, you know, childhood things, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Mindy  

And and and that you didn’t deal with back then you haven’t had time to deal with it. Now you get to deal with them. Talk about simplifying happiness, because you said, you have a great story in there. And it’s again, there were so many things in there that I’m like, I thought that I had that. And the story was you were on a on a speaking tour, and you were leaving the stage and you saw a homeless guy. And you went to go give him money that tell that story? Yeah. So

Trent Shelton  

it was 2016 in San Francisco, the Bay Area. And to give some kind of context, I was on a 32 city tour on tour, which was a lot like I’m on small team, and we’re doing all the things booking the venues. And it was great. I mean, each city 500 to 1000 people making everybody else happy. But I had so many things in my life that I didn’t deal with, you know, I had employees that I know that they shouldn’t be there no more, but I feel responsible for him. I don’t want to let them go. Because I love him, I let them go. I don’t want to be this bad person personal things in my life. But yet, I’m filling everybody else up in every city I went to I just felt this gift was becoming more of a burden. And I didn’t feel fulfilled in doing it. And I was like, This is scary. Because I know this what I’m called to do, but it’s stressing me out more than anything. Get to San Francisco. And it was a breaking point for me. And none of my team knew because I was smiling for the camera down behind the scenes. I’m alright, I’m good. And just putting on this performance. And I go out there make everybody happy. Everybody laugh and cry. And after the stage, I told my team I was like, Hey, y’all just go handle everything on the front. I’m gonna just go back out here for a moment. Get some fresh air, but the fresh air was me crying. And me just like pleading like man, like, this isn’t what I thought it would be. And I see a guy to alleyway like back of a theater. I see a guy. He was a homeless guy walking up. And he saw me and he said, Hey, you’re the you’re the guy that everybody’s gonna see. I’m on the marquee. He’s like, Yeah, my name is Trent. And he said, man, like, I feel sorry for you. And it hit me like, I What? But what he could see was sadness. And I just got finished. I’ll try to bite my face. But you can see. And he saw see you back here. Everybody’s happy and laughing in the front. Everybody’s like, man talking about you. But you’re here. Sad. And so I reached in my pocket. I tried to give him $100 Because I didn’t want to have that conversation. Like how am I trying to have that conversation? So? I don’t know, you know, so he’s I don’t need that because I don’t feel sorry for me again. Like I feel sorry for you. And he said something and the conversation a little bit longer. But he said he said it may look like I have nothing on outside. But I have something that you don’t have on the inside which is peace. When he say you look like you have everything. But obviously you’re missing everything inside. And in that moment literally, I went to what’s the park out there by the Bay Bridge like has like the circle lands like like, like rock figure. It’s right by the Bay Bridge but or the Golden Gate Bridge. But I went over there and that was when in 2016 I made protect your piece like the mantra of my life. I said I’m not going to sacrifice my peace for anything anymore because it’s not worth it. And that moment changed everything for me. What does peace mean to you? Peace

Peace means that not allowing the things outside of me to control my inner self Yeah, yeah, that’s it Because peace doesn’t like you can’t control the cats around your life. Yeah, you can’t control it’s almost like you can’t control the storms right? But peace says that yeah, the storm exists but the storm is also going to pass right? So you find hope you find learn how to dance in the rain. You’d be grateful for those storms in your life because you know that it’s growing something that no sunny day could agree on so that’s what peace is it gives me a different perspective towards life and everything’s gonna be okay.

Dr. Mindy  

Do you think when we are so achievement oriented and we want to accumulate material objects and and we will we are, let’s say buying into the way that this world exists. Do you feel like then things become overcomplicated and the more we move to over complication, the less peace we have Gaza percent. I mean, it’s even an ownership of stuff. 1,000%

Trent Shelton  

I was just talking about this with my wife because you know, we are You know, we got land and doing all these things and getting stuff and like for finances, and I’m like, man, like, this is some stress, but you know, like, the more things that you have to do, the more stressful it is. And that’s why we, you know, I’ve been blessed to be able to go to, you know, like Fiji changed my life, you know, it features a third world country, and I’ve done two events out there. And I’ll never forget this, because I didn’t realize what a third world country so I went over there and I was like, man, Fiji, like, you know, kids on the side of the street. So you know, fruit and the House are made a tin, but yet they’re the happiest people that you will meet. Here. Have you ever been? No, no. So it’s a perfect like, go like the happiest people you’ll meet? And they greet you by saying Bula and I heard this, but I get them. Like, why are these people so happy? So I ended up got an Eli, who was our waiter, and in like, making a good relationship with him, like, he served at our hotel for a few days. And, and I’ll never forget, I asked him, I said, man, like, I want to ask you this man, like, how are you so happy? And like, you know, your living conditions. And just like it’s a third world country, he said, When you learn to appreciate everything you have, you realize you have everything that you need. And that change everything from Yep. And so when I saw that, I’m like, oh, man, like, the more stuff that you have, the more stress and the simplistic life is often the most peaceful. Yeah. And

Dr. Mindy  

the irony of that is for all, they like constantly giving up the happiness of today for a future that we may or may not ever hit. And when we hit it, if we do hit it, we might be shocked to find out that that wasn’t the future that was actually giving us the happiness. I just had an experience with our 24 year old daughter just moved from California to we call it why to her, she moved to a place where Wyoming and Idaho the borders connect. And she wants to live a more simple life. And so we went to go visit her and of course, as her mother, like, I was like, now tell me what you’re doing for work. Like, where are you living, like all the things that cert were supposed to be really important. And she kept saying to me, I and she moved to their boyfriend, she’s like, I we want to live a different life than what our friends are living, we want to live a more simple life, we want to live a more balanced life. And on one hand, I really was like, that’s amazing. And on the other hand, I’m like, Wait, you’re 24 years old, where’s grit? Where’s, like all the things I did at 24 you should be doing at 24. And then we just went and visited her for the last week, we were there. And I’m like, I get it, I get it. Like you are protecting your peace at 24. And you’re making standing up for they don’t want to accumulate a bunch of stuff. They just want to live a happy life every day. And it’s really interesting how your stuff can start to get a hold of you, your your your job can get a hold of you all these things that you work so hard to accumulate, they now own you.

Trent Shelton  

Yeah, that I struggle with. That’s my battle too. Because like, I have the side of athlete like, yeah, the termination like, let’s go and then I have the Protect Your peace out where it’s like, Man, I love to be disconnected. And I think like studying just like entertainers, or you see musicians like that will like disappear and like go away. Like, where they got in there. And you hear a lot of them say man almost like I wish I would have never even had all this because so much came with it. That literally around lost myself and then they go away and disappear. And you know, just go live a happy and peaceful life. And so finding that balance has been like the thing for me and I feel like I’m doing a better job at finding that. But it is it is a battle because you know, I gotta provide I gotta you know all these things, I have opportunity to impact people. So it’s like trying to find that balance. Yeah,

Dr. Mindy  

what would you tell your kids about how to build a peaceful life? If you were to give them the formula? What would you tell them? Yeah,

Trent Shelton  

so funny because my daughter went into a room yesterday. She’s like, Hey, I’m protecting my peace. So

Dr. Mindy  

like, the language

Trent Shelton  

that she’s like that I need some quiet time and particularly my peace. So but I would tell them, you know, almost everything I talked about in the book, you know, just, you know, having boundaries. Not being afraid to say no, you know, not living a life to please support to serve people but don’t feel like you’re valuing your worth isn’t an in pleasing people. And just keep it simple. You know, the more that you chase and I talked about this in a book, I believe in becoming a magnet. And I know in my life like the things that I chased you know, we say chase dreams and understand the logic and I say that at times too. But the things that I chased, I never called if I caught it, I was exhausted even enjoy it. And so the magnet to me is like you know, some people call it law of attraction, but for me, it’s just like doing the things that are in my control and And it’s like things come to my life. Of course I work hard. I don’t just sit and ask and it comes, but I will tell them like in your own little world, you know, create your world that your prescription for your piece that works for you. And don’t let anybody make you feel guilty for that prescription.

Dr. Mindy  

Yeah, yeah, amazing. And I will tell you, we’re going to have this conversation when Tristan is 25. Because it’s been really interesting to watch my own kids really protect their peace, because and I always say, Hey, you grew up in a, in a family that thought outside the lines colored outside the lines, we thought outside the box. And so when they hit those early 20s, then they see all their friends, like they get these great jobs and corporations or they do all this, and there becomes this, like FOMO, you know, like, I need to be doing that I need to be doing that. But I always I told both my kids, I’m like, the best thing you can do is find something you’re so passionate about, that you just don’t feel like you’re working you go, you’re just loving every moment of your life. And that might not be working at a corporation for years and years and years, hoping that you get some good stock options like that there may be a whole different path for you. So it’s a really but this world, it gives you gold stars. Oh yeah. Or, you know, good grades. And it gives you gold stars for a great job and a big house and you get that constant reminder from the external world how great you are. But when you protect your peace and step out and say this is the life I want to live, you may not get that gold star, you have to give it to yourself. Yeah. It’s really interesting. It’s like going, it’s like swimming upstream. And you’re just like going in a different direction than everybody else. Do you find that people around you or not me now that you have the book out, but it’s everybody’s sort of starting to change their ways as they’re watching you change yours?

Trent Shelton  

I think the people that know me, they, they’ve always knew that. That was kind of who I am. Right? In a sense. Yeah, they’re

Dr. Mindy  

like, thank God. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, they came out, given

Trent Shelton  

the world, because that’s Yeah, even as a kid, like my mother would tell you, like, I was the kid that like, would stay in his room. You know, I mean, I’m still social when I need to be. But I’m the guy that’s like, I love my longtime I love that. But a lot of my friends and people around me, yeah, they’re starting to explore a lot of people in the industry. I mean, even my peers, like, they reach out to me and say, Man, like, thank you for this book. Because, you know, I’m starting to realize, like, what I’m chasing, like, do I really need to continue to chase this? Or do I have enough? And like, what are the things that really matter to me? And that’s a big thing for me, too. Like, I don’t want to be successful to the world and not successful tomorrow. You know, that matters to me. I don’t want to walk through the door. And my family. And my kids don’t feel the same way. Yeah, we love your dad. And deep down. I like man, like, my dad is like, he’s never here with us. I’ve never wanted to be like that. That’s awesome. And so I definitely think that it’s opened up some eyes around people around me. So

Dr. Mindy  

then that leads me to two questions. One is what’s next? And the second question is when does the book book launch? Stop? Yeah. And I just want everybody know that we’re this is what three months after this book came out?

Trent Shelton  

Yeah, it came out in March. So yeah, about three months. Um, what’s next is always to like right now in the season I’m in is to continue to get this message to the world. You know, I don’t have a next thing necessarily, like, I want to stay in this moment. We’re protecting your peace. I feel like I have so much work to do with it. And I don’t know if it ever stops you know, I’m gonna keep pushing this book. Maybe not as hard but I’m gonna keep pushing this message, you know, to the world. I feel like until needed to leave here you know, I think that’s something that’s a staple in my life for sure. Even Hay House hasn’t

Dr. Mindy  

tried to get you to read another you know, great author. Great. They’re like yeah,

Trent Shelton  

some ideas on a book for sure. Like I still have one like thing that I definitely want to put out into the world and talk about but yeah, they definitely have so I’m about to record the audio book for it because I didn’t separately so that’s gonna be a fun process.

Dr. Mindy  

Okay, well then I have to ask you my final question which is what is health to you? What’s your definition of health and how do you know when you’re healthy? Hmm.

Trent Shelton  

Me My definition of health would be have an energy, mind body and soul in those areas. The Triad for me being healthy mentally, spiritually, physically, I mean, even emotionally, and I know I have it. When I mean, not to be pun intended, but when I feel peace in my life, gives you energy Yeah, when I wake up and I’m feeling vibrant about the day, I, my dreading the day. And that’s what being healthy and I struggled for a few years, especially after losing my mom and tear my Achilles and next year, like I struggled a lot to be healthy. And I feel like I’m still in the journey of getting back, either getting back or Oh, I’d say getting back, but creating, you know, my best self. And so I’m on that journey right now.

Dr. Mindy  

I love that I love that I, I asked this a very buddy. And I always think it’s so interesting, the answers and congruency continues to show up like people say, Well, I know I’m healthy when I’m congruent. And everybody says a little bit different in when I’m congruent with myself. And, you know, there’s some interesting studies, like there was one of my guests recently shared a study that they did on smokers. And they found that people who smoked if they had meaningful relationships in their life, they were less prone to getting lung cancer and some of the challenges that happen with chronic smoking. That’s the power of that love and connection. And I think when I hear your definition of health, sometimes I think, God, you know, those of us that are teaching health to the world, we really have it wrong. Because we’re thinking, you got to eat this, don’t eat this, you got to jump. You said it earlier. I gotta jump in some cold plunges. And I got to work out this way. And all of that is great. But what if it’s as simple as being congruent with yourself? What if that is really what health is, and then everything else is just the cherries on top? That’s it. That’s really cool. Well, I could talk to you forever. So I just really appreciate several things about you. But I love your heart and how you just show up. I’m sure people tell you this all the time. But just You’re easy to be around. You’re so authentically you and it makes you makes everybody around you want to be their best selves. So thank you

Trent Shelton  

for everything that you’re doing. I appreciate you for having me what you do. So keep being legendary. Yeah,

Speaker 1  

thank you. You do appreciate it. Thank you so much for joining me in today’s episode. I love bringing thoughtful discussions about all things health to you. If you enjoyed it, we’d love to know about it. So please leave us a review, share it with your friends and let me know what your biggest takeaway is.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai