“If You Want to Love Yourself, Embrace It All.”
This episode explains how to overcome anxiety and cope with trauma by intentionally rewiring the brain’s thinking patterns.
Dr. John Demartini is a polymath and a world-renowned human behavior expert. He has over 4 decades of research across multiple disciplines. His work has been described by students as the “most comprehensive body of work,” “an extensive library of wisdom,” and “wisdom of the highest and most valuable order”
Dr. Demartini’s mission and vision are to share knowledge and wisdom that empowers you to become a master of your own life and destiny.
He’s an internationally published author, a global educator, and the founder of the Demartini Method, a revolutionary tool in modern psychology.
His education curriculum ranges from personal growth seminars to corporate empowerment programs. He shares life, business, financial, relationship, and leadership empowerment strategies and empowerment tools that have stood the test of time.
In this podcast, How to Free Yourself From the Fear and Anxiety of the Amygdala, we cover:
- How your anatomy programs your outlook and responses to stress and anxiety
- Using the Demartini method to transform the mind by targeting subconscious thoughts
- Overcome unrealistic thoughts by understanding your amygdala
- The connection between thinking patterns and meaningful relationships
- Unlock mental freedom by strategically questioning your thoughts
How Your Anatomy Programs Your Outlook and Responses to Stress and Anxiety
Understanding the brain is the first step to addressing negative emotions, traumatic events, and our responses to anxiety. When we think and process information, we use a cortical and a subcortical way of perceiving and responding. When we are more balanced in our orientation, we activate a cortical area in the prefrontal cortex instead of the amygdala. This cortical area is more objective than subjective and more homeostatic than polarized. Subcortical thinking is a survival mode for emergencies involving instincts. To balance the two, ask yourself questions that make you aware and accountable.
Use the Demartini Method to Transform the Mind by Targeting Subconscious Thoughts
The Demartini Method aims to make people fully conscious of the subconsciously stored feelings of danger, anxiety, and other negative thoughts. Pain is a private sensation of hurt which comes from associations we make and specific stimulations or triggers. By creating new associations, we can change pain into pleasure. These new associations cause the brain to transduce sensory stimuli and put them into action potentials. This process changes the way we feel pain or pleasure. Knowing how to ask questions to reorient our associations can transform trauma into an opportunity.
Overcome Unrealistic Anxiety by Understanding Your Amygdala
Sometimes, we have a hyperactive nervous system. Anxious people are inclined to always be on the lookout for the next stressor because they are accustomed to many stressors. Once this inclination locks in, your amygdala becomes overactive as it tries to keep you safe all the time. Depression and other negative feelings come from comparing your current reality and unrealistic expectations, which can be addictive. Although it is not possible to eliminate illusions and fantasies entirely, it is crucial to work through them to grow. You can change your brain’s neurochemistry, impulses, and actions to align with your values and goals.
The Connection Between Thinking Patterns and Meaningful Relationships
Creating balance in your mind is particularly crucial when it comes to relationships. Often, people confuse infatuation with love until they have matured enough to understand the difference. Infatuation is like living in a fantasy land where the rush of dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin ultimately leaves you broken and crushed when reality inevitably takes over. Because authenticity and honesty cannot coexist with fantasy, you set yourself up to experience resentment. It is far healthier to embrace the positive and negative traits you and your partner possess because this is more sustainable and practical.
Unlock Mental Freedom by Strategically Questioning Your Thoughts and Anxiety
To disarm negative thoughts and memories, begin by addressing your fears. First, identify the source of your anxieties by listing all the fears you can recall having in your life. Next, categorize these fears into two categories: the fear of loss and the fear of gaining something you don’t want. By recognizing that all distress falls into one of these two categories, you will have more control over your positive or negative associations with each event, thought, or memory. After categorizing each item on your list, investigate further. Ask yourself whether your anxieties are helping you fulfill yourself spiritually, intellectually, or socially. These questioning strategies allow us to look beyond our consciousness and unpack the blessings we can unlock from our trauma.
Dr. Mindy
Can we start with this question? And this is something that and I’m just diving right in, this is something that I’ve really been thinking about, which is we’re coming out of the pandemic. And so many people are reorganizing their life, which is amazing. They’re breaking paradigms apart. They’re rethinking about things. But the mental health of a lot of people right now is really suffering. So talk to us a little bit about this concept you have about survival versus thrival. How do you know when you’re in survival? How do you how do you know when you’re in thrival? And can can we use our thoughts to move from survival to thrival? And if so, how do we do that?
Dr John Demartini
Well, without being too simplistic, there is considered in our brain, a cortical and a subcortical, way of perceiving and responding. Sometimes it’s called systems one, thinking, and the other systems to thinking systems, one thinking is a survival mode for emergencies, which is filled with impulses and instincts and immediate gratification, to capture prey and to avoid predator. And this is what is active in many people, when they’re perceiving life in a an imbalanced way and perceiving distress. When we are more balanced in our orientation, we activate a cortical area in the prefrontal cortex instead of the amygdala, which is more objective than subjective and more homeostatic than polarized. And this area thinks before it reacts, the force, the former one was reacting before thinking this is thinks before it reacts if slower, it’s not as immediate. It’s more long term visionary. So unless we know how to ask questions, to be fully conscious of both sides of our perceived events, and not swayed by subjectively biased misinterpretations of our reality. We’ll go into systems one and react. For instance, let’s say you meet somebody that you think is going to provide you more drawbacks and benefits, more negatives and positives, more pains and pleasures, you’re conscious of the downsides, but you’re unconscious of the upsides. You’re going to go into systems when thinking and create an instinct to avoid that person. And they’re going to run you intrinsically. And if you meet somebody that you think is going to save you from that distress, and you’re conscious of the upsides unconscious, the downside, it’s going to create the amygdalas response and the nucleus accumbens to cause an impulse to seek it. And both of them are extrinsically, stimulating you, and you’re reacting to these misinterpretations of the reality that you’ve identified your life in. But if you ask questions, and make you conscious of unconscious information, and ask the questions that make you aware of the upsides to what you think, has got only downsides, or the downsides to the thing you think has only upsides and become accountable. By bringing the balance sheet into balance in your brain. You change the neuro chemistry, you change the impulse and instinct into an action that spontaneously is in line with what you value most and what’s meaningful to you. It’s the mean between the polarity, as Aristotle would say, so the quality of your life based on the way the questions you ask and if you ask questions that equilibrate the mind and bring equanimity to the mind, and equity between you and your perceptions of things around you. You’ll automatically get systems to thinking and you begin to act wisely, with foresight and planning, and live by design instead of reaction, and emergency situations. So wisdom is knowing how to ask those questions. I’ve spent 50 years outlining and discovering what those questions are. That’s what the what I’m teaching in the breakthrough experience. That’s what I’m trying to give them. You know, because if they have those questions, there’s nothing your mortal body can experience through your senses that your immortal soul, your authentic self, can’t love and can’t turn into opportunity. Ultimately, everything is on the way, not in the way but we get distracted by impulse instincts by having imbalanced perspectives and get run from the external world and create false attribution biases on our reality. Instead of taking command and realizing it, it has nothing to do with out there. It has everything to do with us. We have command our perception decision on actions at all times. So we’ve given power away by these misinterpretations of our reality. And knowing how to ask the question to take command and go back into mindfulness instead of conscious unconscious splits in our awareness, liberate us from the baggage and allow us to have fuel, you know, an inspiration in life. So the anxieties or phobias are fantasies, all that is a self induced. It’s because we’ve accumulated misinformation, and stored in our subconscious mind. And we’re compounding it with further misinformation. Instead of actually getting to the objective truth. Yeah, what’s happening?
Dr. Mindy
Yeah, so what happens, you know, with when we get stuck in that amygdala, and that systems, one thinking that we have a whole history in there. So let’s use the example like, we can use the example of when I was 16, I week after I got my driver’s license, I was driving in the rain, and a car spun out going in the opposite direction and hit my car. And so for decades, I would go and get in the whenever it rained, I didn’t want to drive. And so the way I look at that, from a brain perspective, is that my amygdala sense had a had a story, that driving in the rain is dangerous. And I think there’s so many of us who carry those stories around, and then we see this situation and it starts to trigger the amygdala to keep you safe. So in that moment, when you’re being triggered, knowing you’re being triggered it how do we move ourselves to systems to thinking so that we don’t just keep operating from that amygdala? Well,
Dr John Demartini
the event that occurred initially, that you assumed had more drawbacks and benefits is awareness. And it will be stored see the amygdala valency, two experiences. And since those imbalanced perspectives over to the hippocampus to be stored as a memory, and then our subconscious mind is the accumulation of those imbalanced memories, to protect us from the instincts and right seek the prey, the prey and Predator game. So the subconscious mind stores all conscious unconscious splits in the past that have never been balanced, and be fully conscious. So in that moment, you’re going to react, because systems one is larger diameter neurons and may fire much faster than systems two, and they’re gonna say you’re going to react first, unless you go back with a preemptive strike and a foresight to go back to that original event. And in that moment, that you were in the rain, that you stored an assumption that there were more drawbacks and benefits, if we go in there and find out what were the benefits that were were the opposites of that which were there, but you will have recited them, you are unconscious of it. But if I made you unconscious, which is what I do, in the break to experience doing with the Demartini method, if I made you fully conscious of them, you would no longer have that stored as a subconsciously stored, you know, danger, you would have it as an already balanced situation, you produce drive, and it’s rain and about your business. Because, yes, you be conscious that there’s that you need to be cautious. I mean, because your rain driving and rain is oil on your tires and on the street, make it more slick and that. So you’re not going to be foolish, but you’re not going to react from previous stored, subconsciously, stored baggage. So you can go back to that moment. I do it every week. And in the breakthrough experience with a method Demartini method. I do that every week, and I take so called trauma. See people think there’s actually a trauma out there. There was never a trauma out there until you chose to make it by your associations you made with it. If I came in, I took your hands. Let’s imagine I grabbed your hand right here and put it on the desk. And I hammer and slammed and all of a sudden, you go whoa, you are and you thought my god that’s traumatic. That guy just traumatized me. Why do you do that? You would associate pain without pleasure in your mind. But if I told you I’m gonna give you a billion dollars cash, it’s sitting right next to the desk where I’m slamming it’s a billion dollars cash, it’s yours in your bank account. Right with George Clooney, drug Butler, Brad Pitt, the top 12 Men of your dreams. Plus a billion cash plus a new car plus a new house. And any of the things that you might fantasize about, I’m just making those up. It might be somebody else. But if I put enough advantages on there, you would actually put your thumb out there If I told you this will be repaired in 10 days, and it’s a temporary 10 day, aggravation for all of that, you put your thumb out there and safe away baby. It wouldn’t be traumatic unless you’ve chosen an axe Aghoris 2500 something years ago described describe that pain and pleasure, our perceptions, their ratio is a presumption. So I had a lady recently that had liver cancer. And she was having tremendous pain in her chest, and not just her abdomen, right underneath the diaphragm.
And what I did is I said, I went in there, and I had him describe what’s the color of the pain? And she said, red and black. And I said, Great. And what’s the sensation? Is it throbbing Is it burning is it and she said, it’s a Yeah, it’s an acute pain. It’s black and red. And it’s, it’s been a frog to it. Like every time the heart rate goes, you know, beats, and then we describe the smell, the taste, the tactile, the field and movement, we got all the modalities of some of the value distinctions on what that represented in the brain. Then I did is I took, According to William want this, with contrast, where I took the exact contrast, just like there might be blue and yellow or purple in orange or something contrast, I reversed colors, and two contrasting sensations. And I had her image those sensations, the complete opposite. If it was fast, I slowed it down, if it slowed, I sped it up. And I made her create a composite image of that, and held her image on that. And then I did like a particle accelerate, I slam them together until they turn into Light in their imagination. And when I got through, she couldn’t feel her pain. Because the pain was a representation in her brain that she’d accumulated. And it’s not anything but uh, you know, as John boda said, pain is a private sensation of hurt. And it’s based on the association we make and the fibers that are stimulated. And if we stimulate McKinnell receptors and new associations, we can change pain into pleasure, pleasure and pain, we can make hell out of a Heaven Hell out of heaven out of hell is which are known says. So knowing how to ask questions to reorient, the association we make with any experience can transform trauma into an opportunity, I’ve been actually bet that I can and can’t do that, and one bet and turning an event that was traumatic into something that was orgasmic. And people couldn’t believe I could do it. But it’s simply asking the right questions, making people conscious, and making new association, the brain, the brain is simply taking its sensory stimuli transducing them, putting them into action potentials, and all the association the brain or would give us the sensations we have. And there are people that don’t even feel pain. There’s a book by Milton Ward called function of pain. And we don’t even feel pain and they can’t function. They can’t even go through life, because they don’t know that they just band their, their foot into the door. They don’t feel it. Right. The brilliant Yeah, pain is an actual appreciation its role. But these are associations we make, and we can change them. And people don’t believe that they want to blame the outside event and blame the individual with a false attribution bias instead of take command of their reality.
Dr. Mindy
Yeah, you know what this reminds me of? Like, where my brain goes with that is well, what about the horrible things that happen to people like, you know, rape or you know, something that’s really traumatic, that has happened to them abuse of some kind? I think that is perception. Yeah. And I’ve taken but how do you so how would you
Dr John Demartini
1300 rape cases through that process, and had them no longer in anxiety, fear, resentment, etc, over that event? See, to let that run your life, the rest of your life. To me, this is crazy. I’m not denying that this horrible, I’m not denying that the individual did these actions. But when you break rate down, it goes into threat, constrained deception, violation, injury, you know, it’s broken down into sub components. And what we do is we didn’t go and ask where do we do those things? And I’ve done 1300 cases of it. I haven’t found anyone that just broken it down and didn’t find where they’ve done that, and they couldn’t find where the other sides are the upsides to it. And you think, well, that’s terrible. No, it isn’t. You choose to make it so you can turn that into a great gift. I have a lady right now that’s traveling the world, doing amazing things as a best selling author and started out with that event. And we transformed it into how we could use that to do something extraordinary with their life. So instead of staying and victim of history, she became a master of destiny and saw it on the way instead of in the way and so it’s dissociated from making it well, I’m not denying that that occurred, but we make a trauma. What we did is that yes, they did constrain us. Yes, they did hit us with a hammer or whatever with a bat or whatever. Those are not false. But now the question is, what are we going to perceive? What are we going to do with it, we have control over our perceptions, decisions and actions of that event. So we can stay stuck and run our story for the rest of our life. Or we can transform the story and get on with doing something amazing with it, use it to catalyze something extraordinary. I help people do that. So we don’t want to label some labels keep you stuck in a beard. When people come to me in the breakthrough experience, the program I teach right, show people how to do this. People say well, I was abused. Abuse is an absolutely non descriptive idea. If I said I was abused by my father, it does not tell you anything about what he did. It doesn’t say did he? Did he hit me with his fists? Did he chop out my finger or chop off my finger? Did he knock a tooth out? Did he feed me toxin food, I mean, it doesn’t tell you anything. It’s a label, broad, vague general label. You always want to break it down to the actual actions. And then you can do something with those actions and you can neutralize those actions, but labels and Vaught broad, vague general labels is an amygdala is response to an epinephrine and norepinephrine next escalation, to capture prey and to avoid predator and it distorts things. You always want to take it down to the facts, get out the fictions, and transform the perceptions. And there’s nothing to mortal body can experience it, the authentic self and mortal soul can’t transcend and turn into opportunity. So I don’t start with the idea that this is a terrible event, I said, it’s an event. Now let’s find out how we can use it.
Dr. Mindy
And so some of the things that drive the amygdala and get the amygdala talking are not as linear or tangible as an event, like we’re talking about, like a abuse event. Sometimes, we have a nervous system that’s just been trained to be hyperactive. And always be looking for the next stressor, because we’ve had a lot of stressors. And what I’ve found about the amygdala is that once you’re locked in that amygdala thinking or this system is one thinking, you start thinking like the amygdala is trying to keep you safe all the time. It’s scanning. So now it’s like, You’re not safe. Because of this, you’re not safe because of this, because now you’re operating from that place. And you don’t even know how you got there. Well, you so you wouldn’t do if
Dr John Demartini
you can, you know, when somebody says I don’t know how I got there, it means they’re not really taking an inventory of what step by step process compounded it. Let me give you an example, let’s, let’s say your event in your life, and your father and mother were fighting in the living room, and you’re a three year old or two year old. No, you’re a two year old kid, not even two year old. And you are frightened. And they’re screaming and yelling and stuff. And you crawl off your room and hide under the bed and cover your ears and your eyes and put a pillow around you and suck your thumb and you hide under the bed. And you you hurt them and you saw them and you ran away. And now you had this feeling you because you didn’t want to see you didn’t want to hear it. So you went down and just felt it and curl up in the fetal position. Okay, then the father, the mother, they you fall asleep as a an avoidance response, the parents then stop, and they go to bed. And the next morning, Dad’s at work mom takes you to the grocery store. You go to the grocery store, and you’re going down an aisle sitting in a little basket, your mom’s pushing you away facing your mom. And all of a sudden your mom’s looking at items to buy. And there’s a guy coming down the aisle towards her that had the same blue jeans that your father had on those same white type of shirt that your father had on and had a brown hair and a brown beard, just like the father. And you have associations of those without realizing the brain. And so now you go, Oh my god, somebody’s approaching mommy. And you’ll do one of two things you’ll either get behind mommy and try to pull mommy away and make a scene to try to distract her or you’ll get in front of mommy and try to defend it a fight or flight response and you’ll start making a scene and then the guy will walk by and then you’ll calm down and you’re you went into reaction temporarily because of those associations. Then you go around the next turn in the grocery store and that you see a guy with blue jeans yellow shirt, brown hair brown mustache. So now your brain associates white shirt or yellow shirt blue jeans and then you didn’t even know why but now that’s associated in your brain so now you don’t quite trust white shirt blue jean brown haired guys because he might attack mommy and or you might be going into fight or flight mode. And now you go down the next aisle. Now you see a guy with blonde hair, blonde mustache, white shirt, blue jeans. So now you got blond hair and brown hair and white white shirt and yellow shirt with blue jeans associated. So after a while you make secondary and tertiary and compounding of these associations. And now 50 things set off an anxiety response anxiety is a compounded secondary, tertiary coronary compounded Association from a primary event that you chose to see a negative amount of positive. And you’re you chose to have perception of avoidance and instinct to avoid. If I go in there to that original event, and I make new associations and change that whole system, that whole cascade disappears, and the anxiety responses. So you don’t want to just say, Well, I don’t know why I’m anxious, you want to narrow down because you cannot have a feeling in the brain without content in the mind. And that content is very specific. And when people say, I don’t know why I’m frightened, I don’t know why I’m anxious. Stop, stop, stop that language. hold yourself accountable. Close your eyes. Are you feeling anxious? Yes. What’s the content of your mind? Yes, I’m afraid of this. You can’t have fear, a feeling of fear without content in the mind. So if I go and isolate that and get specific, instead of broad, vague generalities, I’m feeling anxious, I can take that. And we can now work with that. And we can neutralize that by asking different questions and making aware of things that they oversight it. Because in that moment, there was another side that we chose not to say, we’ve all had events in our life that we thought were terrible. And then a day, a week, a month, a year, five years later, we go Well, thank God that occurred. But we didn’t take the time to have the wisdom, the ages without the aging process. And we can look right there in that moment and find the other side. That’s what I do. In the break to experience I show people how to transform the so called baggage that they think they’ve been through and turn it into fuel of opportunity. And then it’s no longer right in life, the amygdala comes offline. And the executive center comes back online.
Dr. Mindy
So what if you’re not aware of what that first event was? So let’s use the example of the arguing parents, let’s say you grew up in a household where the parents were constantly arguing. And so you and then you were not you were told to be quiet, you couldn’t express any emotion or reacted the arguing that was going on. So now you go into a place of stress and you’re in the amygdala, you’re activating the amygdala. Now the rest of your life anytime people are arguing, anytime anger shows up, you’re now associate that with a bad thing, but you don’t realize that you’re just you move away from conflict continuously. Because you are your amygdala tells you conflict is not seeing. Understand why
Dr John Demartini
to say you don’t you’re not aware of it, not realizing it is not true. That’s that’s the story. If you believe the conscious story of people, you want to transform their life, you don’t I don’t pay attention to their conscious stories half the time, because they got another unconscious side, you’re conscious of the thing about a guy you met that you were infatuated with, you’re conscious of all the pauses, but you had an intuition. Be careful, just too good to be true. Watch out, you had an intuition, but you didn’t listen to it. And you allowed that impulse to run you. Even though your intuition was whispering beware, this, you know, be on the lookout. So we have another side and unconscious side and we put the unconscious and the conscious guy we get a false story. So I don’t go by just a conscious dream, because they’ve been running that story and dramatizing it. It’s malleable, and they’ve been making stuff up and adding to it over the years. I want her to go in that moment. Now sometimes there’s a very complex series of things that have occurred. It’s cascaded into many different areas. And you’re right, it’s hard for them to discern what is the original piece, that’s fine, we can still take a layer at a time and peel back the onion one piece at a time and clear it and go to the next layer, it will come right back up in the next layer the next layer. Or we can regress it and go back to the most original event. Or we can look back in the history and when did you first notice this and get closer to that event and start dissolving the events from that point on save time. There’s many ways of approaching it but there’s not one thing that can’t be dissolved. Not one. Every one of the people that have come in say, Well, I’ve got this thing everything else. They want to run their story. They want to dramatize it. Stop the story. Stop the drama. Let’s now methodically go through and follow a process and clear and I guarantee it’s clearable. Those the anxieties are very simple. We had a lady in London, who had was standing on a street corner with a bunch of friends. They were smoking some pot and they were just sitting there you know having a good old time talking and socializing and the host, a car pulls up comes right up to the curb right where they’re standing and says hey, can you give me instruction So she walked over there and started given this, this group of people in a car instructions, they grabbed her and tried to pull her in the car. A man went and grabbed her by the legs and tried to hold her was dragged down the street. Finally they let her go and drove off. So she was in shock. And in a post traumatic stress and wasn’t able to sleep at night was having anxiety. And they put her on meds and all this other crazy stuff. I went in there, I spent two hours with her. We went through frame by frame by frame of each of those experiences, we found out the other side of the equation, we found something interesting, when she was looking down from this kind of Hill area, looking down to the street, where the car was. I said, as you’re looking down, and they’re trying to pull you down into the car and get in the car, who is actually trying to lift you up and pull you back in the opposite direction. She says the guy that was standing there that was holding on to me. I said Who was he? He was the guy who was hoping wanted man. Wow. Well, the guy that I was too shy to initiate a reaction to but I fantasized about trying to be a partner with him and be in a relationship with Him is the guy that rescue me he secretly wanted to be with me, I used to want to be here with him. I said, so is this these guys actually specialist coming into your life to help you get in the relationship you want to do and she started laughing. She goes, Wow, I never thought of it that way. And I reframe that perception. And all of a sudden, she goes to one of the most painful moments life was one of the most pleasure because that guy stayed with me throughout the night. And then part of the next day I met my parents came to my house, everything I fantasize about, came about because of that guy. And I didn’t even get to thank them for helping us get together. We reframed that whole perception and all of a sudden, no drug, no anxiety, no difficulty sleeping, no post traumatic stress, we just kept taking frame by frame by frame and looking at it from a different perspective, new associations. So we don’t have to sit there and be wallowing in that and running the story and taking some psychiatric pill for that. There’s a solution for it. And I love doing that. That’s why I teach the breaks experience in the method. Because I am certain that whatever you’re experiencing, you have power to change form your perception of what that was.
Dr. Mindy
Profound. So if I, if I’m going about my day, and something triggers me, and now I’m in an anxious state, is there a question I can ask myself to understand what the content is of that anxiety? Stop,
Dr John Demartini
stop the story going and just quit saying I’m anxious. It’s not gonna get through, it doesn’t accomplish anything. But what you can do is go okay, okay, exactly is the content of my mind at this moment? And write it out? What is the content on my mind? I am afraid anxiety or fear is an assumption you’re about to experience more pain than pleasure, more loss than gain more negative than positive in the near far future that you’re perceiving is about to occur. So what is that you can identify with this? I have no problem getting that out of people when they just stop and get present. If they get present, they can answer that question. Once we identify that now we can break the fantasy of if it didn’t happen, life would be happier. Because as long as you hold on to a fantasy that’s that’s going to add to the fear. The fantasy of its opposite, right? So I come up with break the fantasy, and I’m like, Okay, if it was to happen, how do we use that to our advantage, and we neutralize it? We cognitively reappraise the whole thing until all of a sudden it’s flat, neutral. And then we go to the next one, is it what else is in there? 90% of time, it’s not even anxious when you’re done, then all of a sudden go the next thing that’s on your mind. And we go in to do the same thing. And it’s usually a few things, maybe 1234 things. And they’re usually dissolvable and not doesn’t take that much time. And then all of a sudden, they’re going I’m not anxious. Now, but you were storing fantasies. Anytime you have an event that you think is all negative than positive, your brain will dissociate from that and create an association ante memory of the opposite polarity. And you’ll create a fantasy to make yourself homeostatic. So balance out your brain. It’ll literally bounce out your neuro chemistry and your what they call an anti memory neuron magazine, it shows it so that this that dissociation from the so called trauma and the Association, the so called ecstasy are going on at the same time. But if I don’t show you both of them, you’re gonna believe one exists and it was real. But the fact that truth was both of them were there. If I bring those to your awareness and find the drawback of the fantasy and the benefit of the thing you think is a nightmare, put them back into balance. It poofed and now the subconscious mind is released from the amygdala is valence sees, and the superconscious mind, which is full consciousness, mindfulness is awakened. Now you’re fully aware of both sides and you’re not reactive. Because when you’re balanced in your perspective, you don’t feel the loss of something you’re infatuated with. You don’t feel the gain of something, you’re resentful. You’re resilient because now you’re neutral. You don’t feel To the loss or gain, but if you’re highly polarized, you’re going to fear its loss. If you’re highly polarized and negatively, you’re going to fear to gain. So we create our fears by the polarization of our perceptions. And that’s under our control.
Dr. Mindy
Wow. So can I, in that moment of anxiety? Could I ask myself, would it be helpful to say, why are you anxious? What is it right now? And then listen to that answer. And then can you pick out the Why don’t say, why
Dr John Demartini
is the content? What’s the content?
Dr. Mindy
What is the content?
Dr John Demartini
What is the fear that I face? There’s only two types of fears. Okay, I can ask anybody who’s listening to this. And they can make a list of all the fears they’ve had in their life, all the distress moments they’ve had in their life, there’s only two kinds, only two in the brain, the fear of loss of something your speaking and the fear of gain of something or trying to avoid all distress fall into one of those two categories. And that content is not vague and broad. In general, it’s specific, because you cannot have an association to brain without a specific episode ik event that you chose to be charged about. So you can actually identify by just getting present, and asking at that moment. What specifically is my fear of losing something that I want or gaining something I don’t want and define that? Now you’ve got something to work with? And you can balance it
Dr. Mindy
and what if your brain says Well, I’m I’m scared of losing a relationship and then therefore I’m it validates the brain’s talking to itself saying I’m not I’m not enough, I’m not loved. Okay. So the fear starts to go into core values that you drive you, I this is
Dr John Demartini
going to shock everybody who’s going to hear this, but it’s good, make them wake up. If you’re in a relationship where you fear the loss of it, it’s not a balanced relationship. It’s an infatuation with somebody and you’re the underdog. And they’re the overdog and they’re gonna want to keep their options open, because you’re not a match. Got it? Okay. So if you’re the underdog, you’re going to be the one that’s altruistically sacrificing yourself to be with them, you’re going to feel the loss of them, because you’re dependent on them. And they don’t want it attendant, nobody wants a dependent. They want a match. And so that’s the symptom that this isn’t the one. And you already intuitively know what you already intuitively know it or you wouldn’t be in that position. So because if it’s a balance match, you’re you’re you’re already balanced. See, anytime you minimize yourself to somebody else, your self depreciate self depreciation is there to design to make you aggravated, because you’re sacrificing what’s important to you, to be with them. I mean, think about when you’re highly infatuated with somebody, the first few weeks while you’re infatuated, you do weird stuff and be with them, because you don’t want to lose them. And you’re now jealous as heck in the beginning. But then the relationship goes through its cycle. And all of a sudden, now you’re starting to resent them. And now you almost hope they have an affair. I hope they go find somebody because I don’t have to deal with them anymore. When you resent them, you don’t have a fear of them leaving. Only when you’re infatuated with them. Do you fear them leaving. And when you’re the underdog, you fear the loss of him. When you’re the overdog you fear the gain of him you want to be around him because there’s you’re starting to accumulate resentments. So these are responses and physiologic responses. They’re not mistakes and not weaknesses are not flaws in your personality. They’re normal biological response is trying to give you feedback to let you know you’re in a relationship that’s not a match. A perfectly balanced relationship has a nice bantering and you’re not sitting there, you have confidence in yourself, and you also have confidence in them and there’s that nice banter, but if you’re the underdog, you’re gonna fear their loss. If you’re the overdog, you’re gonna fear their game. The overdog always wants to keep options open. The underdog always wants monogamy and wants to hold on to him. They smother him. The overdog wants another to keep an options because they know they’re not with somebody who’s a match. Nature is trying to get us to find a match, and allow us to be authentic and be able to be with them. When we’re the overdog. We’re afraid to be too nice, and we don’t want to mislead them. When we’re the underdog. We’re afraid to be mean to him. We don’t want to lose him. We’re not being authentic. But when we actually have a match, we can actually be ourselves. And we can praise and reprimand equally, and we have a dialogue and communication. That’s what you’re looking for. If you lose the other one, it’s to your advantage that wasn’t the one.
Dr. Mindy
So is that when when you go into a place of law of fear of loss, or a fear of not being loved? I mean, because this shows up in more than just relationships. I mean, not enough shows up a lot for especially women
Dr John Demartini
designed to what I mean, it’s designed to okay because people confuse infatuation with love and until they haven’t matured enough to understand the difference between love and infatuation. They’re going to keep banging your head against the wall. All and have crushes, crushing. Infatuation is not love Infatuation is an assumption there’s going to be more advantage and disadvantage more positives and negatives. And you’re living in a fantasy land of dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin and careful ons and endorphins and you’re getting a high and you’re thinking, Oh my God, and you’re fantasizing about who and what this is going to lead to. That’s not love. That’s infatuation. And that is designed to be broken and crushed. Because you will never be able to be your authentic self in front of that. When you’re infatuated, you lose yourself and you eventually build enough resentment to get yourself back. Because you can’t be yourself around him. So you want to match a quality match is a an authentic state, where you embrace the positives and negatives equally in them. You like and dislike, you understand that the very trait you admire also has downsides. They’re very intellectual, but they argue they’re very hard working, but they are workaholic, they never see you. They’re very good looking, but everybody else is wanting them. You know, there’s always a pair of opposites of things you like and dislike, and people and if you can’t face it, you’ll be infatuated. And infatuated relationships are transient at best, and they’re there to self depreciate you to associate pain with a false non authentic pursuit. Hmm.
Dr. Mindy
So and I’m not enough shows up. I mean, that shows up so many different places that can show up in the workaholic, that like work so much, because they’re he or she’s trying to overcome the feeling of not being enough. It can show up in people pleasing of like different relationships. How do you I mean, I’m not enough is a core? I don’t know what I guess I shouldn’t call it a wound, because you’ll say that it has upside, but it drives human behavior quite dramatically. So not just in relationships. How do we overcome? I’m not enough is that was that implanted in us as a child?
Dr John Demartini
No, no, no, no, no, no, every human being has both, I’m better than anybody else. I’m not as good as anybody else. Anytime they meet somebody that they put on a pedestal or put them in the pit. If you’re, if you’re speaking in front of public and you’re speaking to a kindergarten class, and you’re an adult, you’re probably not going to have I’m not good enough in front of this kindergarten class. But the second you go to class, that is PhD levels, and highly advanced people and in the field you’re speaking on and they’re the people that wrote the textbooks you read, and you’re now feeling oh, my God, they’re better, greater smarter than I am. Now, you’re gonna think I’m not good enough. You are designed to self minimize self depreciate, when you exaggerate other people, you were designed to exaggerate yourself when you minimize people. That’s the biological mechanism of comparison. We’re not here to compare ourselves to other people. We’re here to compare our own actions to our own dreams. And that’s the way out of that trap. The second we subordinate to somebody else and think they’re smarter, they’re more intelligent, they’re more successful, they’re more wealthy, they’re more stable in their relationship, they got a more handsome or beautiful spouse, they’ve got more social connections, they’re more physically fit or beautiful or they’re more spiritually aware, the moment we compare ourselves to people we put on a pedestal, we are designed to self depreciate as a feedback to let us know we are not pursuing our authentic path. We’re trying to live in the values of others we’ve got on a pedestal, it’s normal, it’s not something you will get rid of. It’s not a flaw. It’s a biological mechanism is back to let people know that they’re pursuing again, in authentic paths. They’re comparing themselves to others, comparing your actions to their own dreams, their own values. No two people have the same values. If you compare yourself to other people, Ralph Waldo Emerson said, envy is ignorance and imitation is suicide. We’re not here to compare ourselves to others. I’m not here to put people on pedestals, we’re here to put them in a heart. If you admire somebody or despise somebody, they represent a part of you that you’re too humble or too proud to admit you have. When you finally admit you have it and look, reflect, you realize that there’s nobody was putting on pedestals or pitch. They’re all reflections of disowned parts you haven’t honored in yourself. Once you honor those, you’re stable, and you don’t have to worry about building yourself up or beating yourself up. Because your body doesn’t need to do that. It’s designed to do that. When you exaggerate or minimize other people. It’s designed to, it’s not a flaw. We’re trying to get written out of their life that they’re not meaning to get rid of. They just need to understand what its meaning is. And that’s primarily, I hate to say that, but it’s primarily the entire model we have in the healthcare system. Our model is palliative. Oh yeah. It’s set up on the idea of feel good. Instead of grow and mature. And that’s got us in the idea I want to get rid of negative thinking. And that is underlying that’s a moral hypocrisy that no human being or no society can live by. And it traps people. When they finally have this idea. They’re supposed to be one sided individual was supposed to be nice and never mean and kind of cruel and positive and negative and peaceful, never wrathful and generous, never stingy and all these one sided things, you’re going to self depreciate, when you face the truth that you have both sides, I don’t need to get rid of any part of myself. I can love both parts, I have all those parts, and so does everyone else. But we have this fantasy, this moral hypocrisy that comes from religions and politics, you’re supposed to be this way. And it’s been used. It’s been used as a way of governing and controlling people who are not wise enough to get past their amygdala, this response, because the amygdala wants to avoid pain and seek pleasure. And it’s the opium of the masses, telling people this one sided world, which makes them easy to control, so manipulation, and we fall for it because we’re in our amygdala and we’re not learning to appreciate both sides of life.
Dr. Mindy
So then, is the is the idea when something perceived comes in? That’s negative? Would it be helpful for the brain to go? Yeah, this is a part of the whole experience of life. This is part of there’s ups there’s downs. And if because if we’re what I hear from that is we’re constantly trying to stay in happiness and safety and, and pain free. But if we acknowledge that there’s going to be times that it’s not going to be like that. So when that shows up, we go, oh, okay, this does happen. And we stopped trying to get back to pleasure as quickly as possible does that come the amygdala, you can’t do
Dr John Demartini
it intellectually, you have to go in there and actually go in and balance these things out in your mind. So you can’t just didn’t like she got well, it’s all balancing, that’s not gonna accomplish anything. I mean, having an objective view on life and understand the difference between a fantasy and a real objective, which is an objective is going and looking at what are the challenges and obstacles and the possible risks that are involved in pursuing something that’s meaningful, and mitigating those risks and preparing for him, which then calms down the fantasy that it was once and now you’re grounded, and you’re now prepared for the real world? If you’re in a relationship, imagine I was dating you and I said to you, okay, here’s the expectation for you to date me. Here’s the thing. You have to be nice, never mean kind of a cruel, positive or negative happy never said up never down peaceful ever. Wow. wrathful. Considering everyone concerned, you have to do whatever I say and never do anything against it. Can you see how delusional I would be? Yeah, okay, so people have that delusion, and that delusion and wondering why life’s not matching their fantasy, ground yourself. If I was dating you, the truth is, you have a set of priorities and values. When I do things that support those values, you’ll be nice to me, when I do things that challenge those values, you’re going to be mean to me, I have the accountability if I want a response from you to be able to communicate effectively that way. But I can’t expect you to be one sided. That’s delusional. And you can’t expect life to be that way or any human being to be one sided. Life is that way. It’s not that way. Society is not that way of life, your goals always have two sides. So people have the addiction to a monopole one sided things and that undermines their power. It sets them up for fantasies, it makes life a nightmare. And it’s a hedonistic pursuit instead of an ammonia that Aristotle was saying as much wiser as the stoics opened the door for so I’m a firm believer in waking people up about objective reality instead of sitting there living fantasy lands, and religion politics feeds that it feeds the heaven without the hell, the happiness without the sadness, the harmony without disharmony. In your look at all the ads on the TV, take a drug and you feel great. And then at the last second, under extremely fast thing will make your you know, your eyeballs, go blind and make your cardiovascular say we’ll give you all the side effects on it. But it’s so fast. You don’t listen to that you only hear the positive side. So we’re fed fantasies. Paul Dirac, the Nobel Prize winner said that it’s not that we don’t know so much we know so much that isn’t so. And so my job as an educator is to educating people on objective reality, which is way more magnificent than the fantasies they’re addicted to. And it leads them to a more stable life. It’s as simple as that.
Dr. Mindy
So would it be helpful to the brain when something that’s perceived that’s negative and they’re in we’re in an anxious state, and we’re running old tapes? Would it be helpful based off what you just said, to say to yourself, Okay, there’s something here for me to learn. There’s something here that I can grow from, as opposed to why is this happening? I’m uncomfortable. Well, that means you have to go back.
Dr John Demartini
That’s the start, but that’s still weak. The wisest thing to do is stop right there on the spot. Ask what is the upside to this? How’s it helping me fulfill what’s highest in my value? What’s How is it helping me fulfill what I believe is my mission on earth? How’s it helping me spiritually? How’s it helping me intellectually? How’s it helping me in my career? How’s it helping me in my business and my finance and ask and hold yourself accountable and find it? I do it every week, and then people go, well, it doesn’t. Yes, it does. I look again. And at first they tell you, I can’t see it, well then look again. And when you start looking beyond their conscious level to the unconscious, whoa, they find all kinds of blessings out of these things. And then they realize, oh, and then they realize it that traumatic event, whatever traumatic event, it was an event. All events are neutral until somebody with a subtended bias interprets it and makes it positive or negative. There is no positive dimension or negative momentum as the false that’s the thing that people have got you. Those are called false attribution, biases and false causalities is long as people are trapped in that and want to blame that. As Epictetus, the Greek philosopher said, we started out blaming others in our journey of personal development, then we start blaming ourselves, and then we finally realize it has nothing to blame. There’s something to understand and appreciate. Yeah. And by the way, whatever your
Dr. Mindy
I would, I would actually say that
Dr John Demartini
whatever you’re addicted to in the world, you attract it prompts it to break the addiction. So if you’re addicted to peace, you’re gonna get conflict. If you are addicted to protection, you’re gonna get aggression. What do you have your, if you’re addicted to innocent, you’re gonna get the perpetrator, nature’s trying to give whatever Clyde has said 5000 years ago, I mean, 2500 years ago, that there’s always a pair of opposites. And there’s a unification and a quantum entangled relationship between a pair of opposites. When you know how to ask the right question, you liberate yourself from the illusion of a one sided world.
Dr. Mindy
Wow. So if you’re addicted to praise, or you’re addicted to, to pleasing people, then you’re what I hear from that is you’re going to keep getting scenarios where people are unhappy, to balance out your addiction to
Dr John Demartini
pray, well, the addiction to praise puffs you up. And when you ever you’re arrogant, that’s inauthentic. So nature brings in something pride before the fall. And when you’re arrogant, you tend to project your values onto people which challenge other people, which means you’re challenging their values, and you’re arrogant, which draws in criticism to bring you back down. That’s why the addiction to praise will draw in criticism to bring you back in homeostasis. Criticism is not a terrible thing. We’ve made this crazy thing because of Positive Thinking movement. Criticism is an absolutely essential biological function in society to keep people authentic. Because when people are puffed up arrogant, and projecting your values and expecting others to live in their values, and challenging other people, they’re going to attract criticism. If I walk in a room, I let’s say I’m about to go into a speech and I walk into a room. And somebody says, Oh, Dr. Demartini, I love your presentations, and you’re so this and that, and they start praising me. If I go in there, and I humble myself below where they put me, they’ll keep lifting me up. If I just go thank you, you know, talk to my girlfriend, she has a different view. And you just act really humble. You go below where they think you are, they’ll keep praising you guaranteed. But if you walk in and they go, Well, Dr. Demartini You’re amazing or something and then you go, you have no idea how amazing I am. I am more amazing than you, mere mortal can comprehend. I am the most amazing individual. If I go and put myself up above and start acting arrogant, they’ll go they’ll start cutting me down and criticize me right off the bat. Because society is designed to assist people in being what they call authentic. We have what is called hetero telic feedback from our society in order to guide us back into authenticity. And when we finally realize that whatever is going around us is trying to get us back into authenticity. We’re not seeing they’re addicted to praise and frightened of reprimand. But the more we’re addicted to praise and we’re frightened, we are of reprimand. Whatever we get in philic about we get phobic about its opposite. And whenever we get phobic about we create associations and fears and fantasies of the opposite. Nature always has a pair of opposites like a magnet. You can’t cut a magnet and get one sided magnet.
Dr. Mindy
Yeah, I remember hearing you years ago, I mean, this is like decades ago saying that if you’ve had a really good day, and you’re you’re jazzed about this really good day, then a really bad day. This is the way I heard it was a really bad day. It’s gonna happen the next day because the body is always balancing itself out or the mind is always balancing itself out. So is the goal to stay neutral? No,
Dr John Demartini
no, no, no, no, no, that’s not what it is. If you’re having a day that you think is all up, you’re blind to the downsides. If you’re having a day, that’s all down you’re blind to the upside. There is no good or bad day out there. There’s just a day it’s just the same 24 hours going on and sons were going around the thing. So what I was what I was saying is that when I was in professional practice years ago, 40 years ago, if I had this day where I felt like whoa, I’m really amazing. I did an amazing job or whatever and Wow, there’s so a lot of patients and made a lot of income and a lot of things Good stuff. I learned to ask the question, what procedure did I overlook? What staff member does not think? What patient’s name did I forget? What birthday did I overlook? What did I overlook? And I would ask those credit cards, calm myself down and center myself, and not leave the office until I had a tear of gratitude for the opportunity to be a service, or otherwise, I’m puffed up and arrogant, thinking I’m special, it’s all about me. And I have a false attribution bias I cause that day. If I have a down day, and by the way, when I come home, arrogant, I get nailed at home. And they don’t sleep very well. Because the spouse, the purpose of marriage is not Venus, the purpose of marriage is to attract somebody in your life to help you become authentic. And to somebody, you can delegate lower priority things not inspired by. But the point is that if you actually go in, govern yourself, you don’t have to have the socialist social feedback from the governance on the outside. People that know how to listen to their physiology and psychology and know how to self govern our leaders. And they don’t need governance, from politics and religion. They don’t need outside control, because they’ve got inner control. But painful, that’s the executive center self governance, that they mitigate the volatilities of the impulses and instincts from the external world. But the individual that is highly addicted to that praise and think, Wow, I’m great. And they attract tragedy and challenges and humbling circumstances and distracting low priority from the hubris. They’re doing that and they’re gonna think, Oh, my God, this tragedy occurred, no, this blessing to try to get you authentic occurred, and you were puffed up that was inauthentic. And now you’re back in artisti. Now, if you overshoot, you have a terrible day, you ask the question, Who did I serve? Who remember what did I accomplish, and you govern yourself? When you do, I guarantee you, when you get home, you’re going to have a loving spouse at home, you’re not going to have the gyrations because their job is to keep you authentic. If you’ve come in authentic, they don’t have to do if it’s a lot, a lot, lot less eventful and dramatic at home. And the same thing is a lot less dramatic. When I started doing Ms. stabilities, my practice went up without all the volatilities the ups and downs, the good and bad days, right? There is no such thing as a good and bad day, there’s just days, we choose to see only half the equation to label.
Dr. Mindy
Right. And so do you ask I remember last time you telling me that you write down all the things you’re grateful for every single day is there, what I’m hearing is that as you’re navigating the natural emotional highs and lows or we don’t call them highs and loads, but then the spectrum of emotions, that these questions on a daily basis start to bring you back into that authentic place is that what I’m hearing from you is really always trying to stay in that on authenticity and authenticity doesn’t tend to have the puffed up or the the I’m so great or I’m not enough. It’s more in that center grounded place
Dr John Demartini
take out always know is gonna be always authentic. Where we have moments of authenticity is the moment we do we transcend our vicissitudes and perceptions that were imbalanced, are imminent minded status, Manuel Conte says, and we have a moment of grace, and we had thankfulness, but we don’t grow there. We grow by tackling the next illusion that we accumulated and built in our earlier part of our life. So now we tackle the next thing and our next button. And we grow again, we have this idea of Cynthia Megillah wants to hurry up and get out of all the pain and make a life blissful. That’s probably the most devastating thing and then might create more suicides and more depressions than anything I’ve seen. Depression is a comparison of your current reality to a fantasy you keep being addicted to you expecting unrealistic expectations. So I don’t have this expectation. I’m supposed to be now living in total, balanced bliss, nope. False construct. I work through my illusion. And I go on to the next one. Staying in the same illusion is called stagnation going on to the next illusion. It’s called growth.
Dr. Mindy
It’s brilliant. And when I look at, like, what has gone on in the world, I mean, you talked about health care. When I look at this, the mental state of the world right now. We’re what’s our door out of this? I mean, what you’re saying is profound. And yet so many people are run by their amygdala, how do we help the world move in a direction that feels more peaceful? And maybe they weren’t? That’s not the right word, because you’re not looking for peace. But how do we the concepts you’re teaching? If everybody knew that, wow, what a different world we would be living in how do we move in that directs but
Dr John Demartini
you need a social structure. I just did a presentation on this. You have to have a social structure. You can’t have everybody chiefs. Can everybody cooks in the kitchen? So you’ll have a social structure and said between the social structure those at the top of the social structure, because values go from those who have power to those that have least power, they are living more by design and people down below are living more by duty ones ontological at the top of the social structure, one deontological by duty at the bottom. So there’s a social structure and one, the ones at the top have a higher probability of self actualization. And people at the bottom have a lower probability and the more in survival. So they’re more into systems, one verse systems, two at the top. So this is pretty normal, that’s not a bad thing, we have to have it you can’t have everybody a billionaire. And there’s no distribution of economics. So I don’t want to give a false construct. And you know, the world is supposed to be that way. And if you study the Global Peace Index, you’ll find out the 23 parameters on 99.7% of all the world’s population that they monitor 23 parameters on war and peace. They maintain balance year after year after year after year, because maximum growth and development occurs at the border of support and challenge. And Chaos Theory maximum growth and development occurs in order of order in cash, we must have support and challenge. That’s why we have a food chain. We have pray that we live on and we have predator that eats on us. One is for support anabolic, parasympathetic build, the other has catabolic, parasympathetic, destroy, and we must have a balance of to build and destroy a conservation symmetry that keeps those in balance to maximally grow. If we had nothing but pray without prayer, we’d be gluttonous and fat and not fit. If we had nothing but predator and no prey, we’d be emaciated and starve and not fit. But if we put the two together, support and challenge somebody that wants to support us and challenge us, we maximize fitness. That’s why if you got an overprotective mom, sometimes the father says go play in the street. And he has to play off the other role, these pairs of opposites to keep you balanced. So I don’t promote this idea of you’re supposed to have, you know, peace and everything else. It’s delusional, there’s no indication, I’ve spoken to three peace conferences. And I stood up one time in a peace conference, I said, How many of you have moments of inner peace hymns in peace? Everybody put your hands up? Because we’re in a peace conference. I said, How many have had moments of inner turmoil and internal conflict? And everybody looked at each other going, Oh, my God, we’re at peace conference, are we allowed to say what’s real true? And they were frightened and waited for? And I finally said, Well, I certainly do. And once I gave him permission, they said, Well, we all do. Okay, good. So you have both peace and turmoil, calm and turmoil? Yes. Okay. When you get married, and you find a mate, would you agree, you finally get pace? And they all laugh to go? Oh, no, no, you have two people with different sets of values, and you have times of peace and times of conflict. And they go, Yeah, I said, would you agree when you do that now, when you have time to pace and you make love, and you get offspring, when you finally have kids? Would you agree, you finally hit peace? No, you got a child now and it’s got time to call now. And while and when you get with your bigger family, home in turmoil, and peace and war going on. And everybody if I asked him in a family, how many and peace we’re in a family or we put your hand up. I said, Now you go into a work and you go into social structures, no matter what dynamic and social scale, family, community, city, state, nation and world there’s still cooperation, competition, build and destroy. It’s remodeling, because transformation is evolution, and you may have to have built and destroy to make evolution work. That’s why we have mitosis apoptosis in our body, or alkalinity acidity in our body. We have a prayer pride and shame in our licensing effect. Nature’s trying to give us the wisdom, but we overlook it with fantasies Morley, PACCAR, sees we’re supposed to be one sided, which is unobtainable, the Buddha said it really beautifully. The desire for that which is unobtainable, the positive pull the magnet, and the desire to avoid that which is unavoidable the negative pull the magnet is a source of human suffering, stop the fantasy, ground yourself on the magnificence of the pair of opposites. And what an authentic life is an authentic life as somebody who’s both nice and mean unkind and cruel and positive, negative and has all traits. I went through the Oxford Dictionary and I found out had 4628 individual traits, honest, dishonest, kind, cruel, positive Vega. You don’t have to get rid of half of yourself to love yourself. If you want to love yourself, embrace it all. If you embrace that, and others embrace that in yourself, you stabilized your life
Dr. Mindy
and embracing it and others. That’s that’s I think also key is just seeing that there’s ups and downs of the people in your life. I think that’s absolutely brilliant. I could talk to you and
Dr John Demartini
by my girlfriend, my girlfriend. She has times when she wants to hug and times when she wants to slug that’s normal. That’s perfectly normal. Yeah. I think that’s why we got more than adding on our ass than we do on our shoulders.
Dr. Mindy
Well said Well said, again, I love this. I can talk to you for hours. And I know we’re bringing you back in a couple of weeks to my academy group to talk to them. But let me Let me finish up with this thought. I always ask everybody This year my podcast has really represented gratitude. I know you have a gratitude practice. I feel like I’ve heard it before. But Share with us your daily gratitude practice. It may be an hourly gratitude, gratitude practice, I’m thinking from you, but what what are you? What do you do to foster gratitude in
Dr John Demartini
your brief because I’m on another podcast two minutes ago, need to get on the AI every day stop and just ask, what is it that I had the opportunity to do? And whatever I had the opportunity to do I documented? What did I learn? What did I experience who do I get to be with what I get to do it? I consciously document that on a daily basis. That’s why I try to teach people that because it liberates them from a lot of baggage in their life.
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