Why Our Health Depends on Human Connection – With Megan Reilly

Dr. Mindy
I’m curious if you know this study, it was one that I actually put in the new book that I’m writing. And it’s the longest study ever done on health and happiness. And it was an 80 year study done out of Harvard, following I believe they followed about 50 men, but then they followed their grandchildren as well over 80 years to see what was the number one predictor of health and happiness as you age? Are you familiar with this study?

Megan Reilly
I’m not but I’m intrigued and hanging on every word now. Yeah, there’s

Dr. Mindy
he actually has a TED talk the lead of the, of the study, because he, they did it for 80 years. And people actually, you know, in the study, like, of course, people died. They didn’t say who, but they said that one of a couple of presidents were in the study, because the study was started in 1930, with the graduates of Harvard are that they were seniors at Harvard. So again, they didn’t say who they were, but they follow these men and their grandchildren for 80 years. And here’s what they found. The number one predictor of both health and happiness was the quality quality of your closest relationships. So if you had good relationships with a spouse, if you had good relationships with family or friends, if you had these intimate relationships that you put energy into, it actually made you live longer, made you on what have less medications, less diseases, and you were happier.

Megan Reilly
Wow. Crazy, right? That’s, that’s unbelievable. And it also totally supports what I have seen, and what I’ve experienced, and, but it’s also interesting, I have not heard that it’s fascinating, but you think about the power and the energy you get from those healthy relationships. I mean, there’s like a snowball effect, when you have those kinds of healthy, strong, communicative relationships with people, it’s, it’s so powerful in someone’s life. That’s interesting. And

Dr. Mindy
the other part of that, that I want to point out, because is that we don’t look at these relationships as being a health habit. And that is, what like, blows me away is, you know, I’m in Silicon Valley where people are working, you know, I don’t even like 7080 hours a week, and work and life is just all, you know, one big thing. And I also have found myself over the years, you know, with my closest friends, and my parents, including which I want to get into the power of what you’re doing with aging parents. But I forget that to stop and realize that just as important as working out is tending to these relationships. So I’m curious what you’ve let start with the podcast. And just so my audience knows, you’ve interviewed some really cool moms of, of pretty influential people. So I want to start off with that mother relationship. And that’s a complicated one, what have you learned from talking to all these moms of famous people?

Megan Reilly
It has been such a masterclass in parenting. And I will tell you, one of the focuses for me has been talking to I wanted to seek out moms who’ve raised people that I see to be happy, fulfilled, a lot of them have been famous, because it’s a little more interesting. And everybody kind of starts on the same page. But I also enter you know, I’ve also interviewed people that aren’t famous. And it’s the same story as the moms who have well known children. And what I see time and time again is it is about supporting the child for who they are, exactly as they are, you know, not putting on this is who I you know, I want you to like the sport because I was good at the sport, it’s it’s seeing your child for who they are loving them like crazy, you know, that that just that love with you know, many moms were just like, I just loved him. I didn’t always know what I was doing. I didn’t really know how, you know, the, the ins and outs, the nuts and bolts, I didn’t always get those right, but I love them. And then enabling them to to, you know, one of the moms talked about champion championing her son’s abilities. And it’s like, you love them for who they are. You don’t try to change them and then you just enable them, you know, and it’s kind of like amplifying who they already are. So you know, they are still the child is still doing that work. But those are those are some of the key factors. I continued to see time and I’ve interviewed probably now maybe around 40 parents but for the for the podcast specifically like a Colorado Brady who he’s had all these world records he you know, climbs mountains, like Mount Everest like, you know, regularly and he’s an incredible person. He’s a great book, Jesse Itzler, Sara Blakely. Kyler. Murray, you know, so, NFL people, world record holders, billionaires who create an incredible brand. All of them they’ve all said some version of those common threads and Um, yeah, it’s been really interesting. And it’s impacted me as a mom myself. That’s how I started this whole journey was I’m raising three little girls. And I’m like, I want to do I want to understand how you it’s one thing when you’re trying to pick out what kind of, you know, diaper to use, it’s another thing when you’re like, how do I create a child or a person that becomes happy and fulfilled in life, and healthy in life, like, that’s a different, that’s a different journey than just, you know, things I can find on Google. And so I wanted to have these conversations with the people that have done it, that I can look at a child and say, Your child is 50, and happy and fulfilled and loves you still. And to your point about that the the study, is also all the parents that I’ve interviewed for the podcast, they still have a very close relationship with their kids. You know, it wasn’t like I raised them. But that was and I didn’t seek that out. But it’s been an outcome that I’ve noticed, like, oh, they all still are very close. And whether it’s weekly meals or you know, trips together, whatever, they’re all still very close. So that supports that that study as well.

Dr. Mindy
Yeah, I would say, you know, my kids are 22 and 19. And we’re just sort of having this experience where you are like observing your work. Another way to say, yes, that’s a good way to see how my, my, you know, pet project has worked, is working out.

Megan Reilly
Why is this gonna work? What is going to happen here?

Dr. Mindy
Right, Did I did I totally mess up. And I would say that I, we had my husband, I had a very similar philosophy to parenting, which was, I’m not looking to, to parent kids to fit in. I’m looking to parent kids, not necessarily to stand out. But in a world where everybody is trying to fit in, how do I help my kids be their authentic versions of themselves. And a great example that I’ll use is that my daughter was super theatrical. And I was like a little tomboy that just wanted to play sports all the time. So I thought I would be the parent that had like a pack of boys. And instead, I got the first one out of the gate was a girl. And not only was she a girl, but she was this pricy girl, and so are like, really wanted to dress up all the time. So she got really attached to her Ariel wig that she wore for Halloween, and wanted to wear it everywhere. And including the supermarket and I would be in the car trying to tell her like, You got to take it off. It’s dirty, it’s red. And she’s like, nope. And so it was really interesting as a parent to realize, oh, my gosh, that’s my stuff. I’m feeling self conscious to walk into the store, with my four year old with this long, bright aerial way, God, it’s really hard as the parent to not control those moments. But what a benefit down the road.

Megan Reilly
It is that exact story. It is a perfect example. It is a perfect example, because I had another mom whose daughter is Chalene Johnson who she is. Yeah, no fishy. Yeah. So I interviewed her mom and her mom talked almost the whole time about confidence, building your competence, you know, and she was like, I let my kids wear whatever they wanted to. It was their expression and, and another, Chad writes, mom, she said, as long as I would let them do anything to for self expression, as long as it wasn’t going to hurt them or anybody else. Yep. And I thought to myself, but honestly, I was like you Dr. Mindy, where I was like, Really, though? Like, Are we really gonna go into the store with the, you know, with the high heels and the nice socks and the wig and the princess outfit is gonna do like, I did a lesson for me because I’m like, but then when I assumed to your point, as soon as I was like, Oh, that’s my stuff. That’s my can, you know, they are good with it. And what’s more, what’s more empowering for your child to feel confident? Or to feel like they’re falling? Like I would always choose them to feel confident, right, feel empowered over? Not? I mean, that over what like, what, what is my big concern? So, but that I think that that story that you shared is one that’s so relatable for so many parents, but it also translates like, there’s a version of that with a 14 year old, and there’s a version of that with a 20 year old, you know, and you I’ve also learned the parents, like you’re never done. You’re never like, Oh, I’ve done you know, so you wish, yeah, there’s different versions of that as and that evolves as the kids get older. And I’ve heard that from the parents too, because I’ve interviewed, you know, 8090 year olds of kind of their journey of this. And, you know, they’re like, it’s still hard when your child has children of their own, then you you’re still doing the same things that you did when they were kids. So lessons continue to show up in our lives time and time again.

Dr. Mindy
Yeah, it’s so true. And I will tell you that one one thing I’ve learned having a parenting philosophy of like, okay, all I care about, actually, we felt like there were two things that were really important to us. One was that our kids find their own way. And the other one was that you’re a compassionate human that you that you show up in a compassionate loving way that contributes to the world not takes from the world. And so those were kind of the two themes that continue to all the way through. So our daughter is 22. And she got into college. And it was not for her because the way education is now is it’s very, like, here’s a bunch of information, or you know, learn it and then regurgitate it back. And that was so not her. So she bumped around college a little bit until we finally were like, This is not your path. It’s okay if it’s not your path. And what she’s doing now is She’s a farrier, where she takes his shoeing horses, she has a passion for horses. And I told her the other day, I tell you all that to say, I told her the other day, I said, I want you to remember that anytime you try to fit your life into society’s mold, you’re going to be unhappy. And every time you go in your own lane, you’re going to be and I’m, you’re going to thrive. And I’ve seen that since the day you were born. And it was like a really cool moment. She’s like, thank you for that reminder. So I do think the the threads of parenting philosophy that we were raised in show up for us in our adult years. And is that kind of what you what you saw as the people who they were as adults. Really, it was impacted by the philosophy of the Parent

Megan Reilly
Apps. So it’s been really interesting. Yes, I mean, there is there is certainly part of it, where they come to us as they are like, your daughter was never going to want to be the sports girl that was you know, like, and you saw that right? You see that pretty as much as you’re like, where do you come from? How’d that happen? I don’t know. Like, what what are we doing? Are we gonna that’s one thing, but that was who she was gonna be. But then I’ve also seen with these interviews that the the environment does play into who they are, for example, Sara Blakely, the founder of Spanx has created this billion dollar brand out of nothing, right? Zero. She started it from nothing. Yeah, well, I talked to her mom. And she one of the things she said it was so brilliant, and actually got picked up by a lot of different news stations and articles. And all this is she said, you know, Sarah would come to me, Sarah, and Ford would come to me, and they’d say, they were bored. And I would say, you’ve got toys, go figure it out. And yeah, and then Sarah became an inventor of one of the greatest inventions of our generation, honestly, like the most impactful one. I mean, for a billion dollar brands like, right, that’s a pretty significant invention. Also, her brother Ford started a company that he ended up selling for, like $40 million. Also, like, they both have become inventive. And in taking initiative, and and does that happen if they came from a house that that always catered to their needs and gave them things to do all the time, they were in camps, and they did. And they never had any blank space to just mess around, just write things. And so Sarah’s mom talked about, she listed on the podcast, at several different things Sarah did, she’d go sell paintings to neighbors that she drew in her, she take her little red wagon and go sell painting, she started like a babysitting thing at a local hotel, the hotel didn’t even know it, but she was like, I just could go in there, they let me go. And I just take, you know, people, I mean, one thing after another, and it was, it was a combination of like, of course, there are things that are natural to who Sarah is natural to who your daughter is natural to all of us. But then that environment, the things that those parents really care about, and the way that you’re raised, can really back to amplifying a kid amplify even more who they are and what they’re doing. And it sounds like that’s what you’re seeing in your child. Like, those things that you guys really cared about, are coming out even more on your kids. So you know, which would have been different if they’re raised in a different household. So it’s been important for me to see understand, like, honor who your child is, but then also know you make an impact and the things that you care about will come out in their life and could really serve them in a great way. When that’s coming from that place of love and consistency.

Dr. Mindy
Have you read may Musk’s autobiography? I have not Elon Musk’s Mom, I

Megan Reilly
have not no but she is on my list.

Dr. Mindy
So yeah, well, I don’t have a connection for you. But she but she pretty much said the same thing that that her kids were when they were bored. She would say I don’t you know, that’s your problem, not mine figure out what to do. And then look at Elon Musk, you know, it’s so it is really interesting. The other the other flip side of that, and this ties into the health and happiness study is then you know, as we get older, we sort of that relationship really shifts and I will tell you, I’m seeing that in in my own life with my kids. I’m seeing it with my parents, like you know, a lot of my audience is are there around my age, and we’re in this really unique time where our kids are grown up and out of the house. And our parents are aging and actually have a little bit become like our kids now. Like my husband and I are trying to empty nesters sort of thinking about well, what do we want to do in this next journey of our lives. And then I go, Oh my gosh, wait, I can’t go far I have an 86 year old dad, and an 82 year old mom, and they, I need to be close to them because they’re aging. What I know you’re the the new version of your work that Jesse’s throwing you into is the legacy work and interviewing age parents as they age. Talk a little bit about that, because I think there’s some gems there for us to also understand the power of these relationships.

Megan Reilly
It is and you know, what I’ve noticed? And what I’ve noticed from my podcasts, but then as I’m doing these legacy interviews, also is that nobody’s really asking these questions. No one’s having these conversations. And our family, you know, whether regardless of their age, they have, they have your stories. Yeah, have your they have your history, they know all of this, and maybe some pieces, kind of, you know, maybe a little Swiss cheese here and there. It’s like, what was that point? I don’t remember. But maybe, but also there are there are gems within your family members. And it’s about uncovering those concrete and having those conversations What did your parents think about as they’re raising you? What did they really care about? You know, what were they focused on? What did they worry about? What did they love? These are the kinds of questions that I do during these legacy interviews. And what I’ve, I’ll tell you that the podcasts, I didn’t know, this separate outcome of the podcast was going to be this treasure for the families. I J. Williams. He’s on ESPN, he played for the bulls and Duke, and he’s just awesome. He I interviewed his mom for the podcast, and he called me afterwards. And he was like, Megan, I’ve never heard my mom talk about these things. I never have heard her. This is such a gift for our family. I never asked these questions. I never thought of asking these questions. Thank you. Like, this means so much. And that was early on. And I was like, oh, yeah, like that is that is a gift because it hasn’t these questions haven’t been asked. And, and it’s, for me, it’s so awesome. The other part of it that I love is we’re giving a spotlight to these legends in our family who have done it, you know, if you have a close relationship with your parents, and you are an adult, your parents win, like they win the lottery of being awesome parents like and that’s those of us that are parents, like, that’s what I hope that when my kids are 40, they want to talk to me and hang out with me. And, and I do with my mom, you know, it sounds like you know, you’re you, you are thinking of your parents right now. Because you care for them. And that’s part of who they raise you to be even though you are grown and you have your own grown children like that still goes back to your parents in a way and how they raised you and so, so it’s really about what I love the legacy interviews are about honoring your family and honoring your history and then pulling some of these facts out. Because how cool would it be if you could hear your grandmother? Talk about your mom? How cool would it be like to hear like, that’d be really cool. You know, like, oh, well, when she was little she did this. And then what if that’s what you did, like it’s just, it’s, it’s these magical, like treasures that are buried that don’t normally get uncovered. And I have absolutely loved doing these interviews, and even the ones that are not for my podcast that are just for these families. It’s so cool, because you hear these things come out, and you’re like, This is gonna be so cool for their family forever. And it’s priceless. It is priceless. And yeah, and it’s really honestly, celebrating those relationships and celebrating the people in your life that have been there all along the way. And I love I love getting to honor that and celebrate that.

Dr. Mindy
And I think understanding the qualities that got handed down to you that make you an awesome person, like to the example you were using, like, I don’t think we give enough credit to our the environment and the people that raised us. And I know some people listening to this are probably maybe had horrible upbringings. But there’s always a thread a gem in there that made you who you are today. So what I’m kinda curious what kind of questions are you asking the leg on the legacy interviews and honestly, I want to have you do both my parents and my husband’s parents i i tell my husband about what you were doing for Jesse’s group and he’s like, Oh my God, we need to do that. But yeah, wait, wait Do you meet my my parents like they’ll chat your there’ll be your best friend or what have you over like, you know, you’ll be sitting in their house you know, talking about life with them because that’s how they are. But what what kind of questions are you asking and what and what kind of answers or use are you hearing?

Megan Reilly
Yeah, I love it. And I will tell you to your point about some houses is not being like a happy house. I what the other thing I’ve loved is like the legacy interview could be with an aunt or with a teacher or like, I think it can come like you don’t you know? Sure it’s great if it comes from your parents if you have that traditional like wonderful thing but I also just feel like we all know well enough to know things don’t always fit in the box. So the legacy may be coming from the next door neighbor that kind of raised you like that still An important conversation on adoptive parents that came into your life later or, you know, there’s just a lot of versions of this. And that’s why I love that they’re called legacy because it’s like a legacy can be left to anybody. And it can be from anybody that really the impact that it makes on someone’s lives. And so but the questions I asked, so it kind of depends on I customize, of course, when I’m talking to these people, because if it’s the other day I met, I spoke to a couple of them and married for 54 years, and they did it together. And so I was like, hey, you know, what, how did you meet? What was that? Like? What you know, and then hearing those stories? And what was it like, what did you do as newlyweds? And, you know, so having those conversations, which of course, like their family hadn’t had those, you know, that’s not normally what people sit around and talk about, like, how to grandma, grandpa me, like, I mean, a little bit, but then like, what did you think when you they got married? And what did you do? What did you guys do for fun as newlyweds? And, you know, so we kind of cover some of that. But then, you know, a lot of it will be what, what did you focus on as a parent? What were you trying to instill? What characteristics did you see in your kids that stood out to you? Because I and that’s been really interesting from my podcast, and the legacy interviews to see to hear so many of the the things that are like, we know, Jesse, you know, Jesse, so we No, Jessie Devi this vibrant, energy filled person. Well, his mom shared a story that when he was in sixth grade, the teacher came in and said, everybody, we’re going to have a spelling test. And he goes, excellent. And I was like, that’s just the Itzler like, yeah, that’s totally, you know, and so, but again, it’s like that gift. So when Jesse hears this, he was, you know, he talked about how it was kind of emotional for him, because he, he heard it from his mom in a different way. So we talked about those kinds of things. I also talked about, like, What was hard and about parenting? What did you know, what did you worry about? Because I think it’s also interesting to think some parents were like, I didn’t really worry. And I think that’s a gift to the next generation. But okay, they didn’t worry about me. And then some are, like, worried about, you know, so you just, you’re constantly learning from them. And then we always, you know, I always like to go into kind of advice, and sometimes it’s what’s your advice for your grandkids? What’s your advice for any parents that are out there? You know, and it’s really interesting, cuz I definitely let the conversation flow because you never know where we’re gonna go. And, and I want to let it ride and let it fly and see how it goes. Because and what’s so awesome is for me, I’m so curious, because I’m, I’m raising kids. And I also have parents that, you know, have been amazing to me. And so it’s all very, it’s a natural place for me to be because I’m so curious. And so sometimes the conversation kind of goes off, but those are some of the questions that we go with. And then, you know, the questions vary, the answers vary so much from right. Oh, I’m sure you know, from their experiences. But at the end of the day, what’s so cool is, it’s so fun. It is such a fun experience, because we’re really celebrating that relationship and the life’s work that that person fit in, you know, and that’s fun.

Dr. Mindy
Yeah, I mean, that’s a little bit that’s what I mean about this new experience that I’m having as an empty nester is it’s like, okay, there’s, that was my life’s work for the last 22 years. And, on some sense, you know, it’s, it’s done, but it’s not done. And then I have this really weird experience where I’ll have an interchange with the and maybe just because it’s mother daughter, but I’ll have this interchange with my daughter. And then an hour later, I’ll have a phone call with my mom. And I feel like the pattern in the relationship is very similar. And it’s like, Whoa, this is really weird. You know, the other day, I was talking to my daughter, and I caught myself in the middle of talking to her and I’m like, I was kind of nagging or I’ll just be really honest. I was like, nagging her and I and I said something to her. And I said, Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I just sounded like my mom right now. I’m gonna need to get off the phone. She laughed at that. And I’m like, Oh, my God, like, I’m turning into my mom. And there was initially sort of a negative, like, feeling like I’m turning into my mom. But if you met my mom, you would be like, what an amazing human. So what is it that there’s and I hear a lot of people say this, like, Do you have any insight of, of why we don’t want to turn into our parents many times, even though there were so many gifts that they gave us.

Megan Reilly
Yeah, you know what I think we always have we hold our parents to a different standard than what we hold anybody else to, you know, I mean, from the time we’re kids, we’re like, you can’t make a mistake. You told me to always do it this way. So you can’t step out a line you know, and so then when we do or when you see your parents do it, it’s like the reaction is just like how you know and or super annoyed or you know, so I just think we we hold parents to our own parents who different standard because to your point, documentary, I bet your friends love your parents and I bet you Oh,

Dr. Mindy
no, everybody loves you. My parents are always like, your parents are so great. I’m like, ish.

Megan Reilly
Yeah, yes. And it’s because you know, but if you if they weren’t your parents, you’d be like, Oh, no, there’s like, so awesome. They’re there. You know? And so I think we, I think it’s, it’s one of those just like, human nature, things where I think we do hold our family and certain people do differently. And probably the same is true with your kids. Like, probably, if, if your child ever stepped out of line, I know, this is true for me, if it was my friend’s kid, and they did something. I mean, it’s fine. But it was my kid, I’m like, You are never going to do that again, you know, like, it’s this. So I think there’s something about being close to home closer to home, you feel like you’re in also, you’re in a safe place with them. And I think sometimes that’s almost like showing, showing that like, this is my safe place. This is and I hear that all the time with because I’ve got young kids, like, that’s their safe place where they can act out my kids are perfect angels at school. And I’m like, Okay, that’s great. But like, then why do they do this at home? You know, they say it’s where they can just like, let go and let loose. And you know, but I think also, as we get older, it’s important to like, we can, we’re in charge of redirecting that narrative so that it’s not a negative thing to turn into our mall, right? Or, you know, and I’m in that same place where I will have that same knee jerk reaction. And I’m like, my mom is happily married. She’s got three kids, that lover and she’s fulfilled and Gough’s five days a week and she’s retired. Right. Like, I think that’s a pretty great place.

Dr. Mindy
So why would I want to be connected with an amazing woman like that? Yeah, with

Megan Reilly
that, you know, so I, I honestly, think I love that you asked that question, because I think it’s one of those things that for all of us, we could kind of check ourselves and be like, should we maybe not have that knee jerk reaction? And I think it’s probably a practice all of us could probably get better at but I also think it’s supernatural. And, you know, I think I think everybody does it.

Dr. Mindy
Yeah, a great and well said, I remember one time, my husband was out of the town, my son must have been an elementary school. It’s like third grade. And I just had been home with the kids for three days straight. I was exhausted. And he was acting up and a friend said, why don’t you just drop them off at the house? And let me you know, let’s, I’ll take them off your hands, and you can get a little rest? Well, when I picked him up, she was like, Oh, my God, he was so great. He did this, he did that. And I thought, Well, why was it even that way with me, and she said, she turned around and said, Well, that’s because he feels 100% safe with you. And so he knows you’re not going to leave him. So he’s going to act in all the ways that he knows to act, whereas with me, he doesn’t know if I’m gonna walk out the door, he doesn’t know if I’m going to do something that is going to make his afternoon difficult. And it was a really pivotal moment, because I realized with family just in general, I mean, I, I’ll say this with siblings, I’ll say this with my parents that I’m having an awareness to be my best self, not my worst self with them. And I think when we get around family, we kind of just get like that, here I am, here’s all of me, and you’re irritating me. But when you go back, and you look at the importance of these relationships, on our health and happiness, I feel like we need to really be conscious to show up as our best self.

Megan Reilly
I could not agree more. I could not agree more. And I’ll tell you even doing these interviews, I think it’s added a little bit of an awareness to the families that all the sudden you’re like, Oh, somebody’s celebrating that person in our family. Well, they normally are not really celebrated all that much. Or like, you know, I mean, they do so much the matriarch or the patriarch of the family, they, they’ve done so much. And and you know, at the time, we’re kind of recognizing it. Well, they’ve been 70 years into it. Like right now, for me, it was really when I had kids that I recognize so much that I had missed in my life, which I think is again, normal. But then I think the responsibility to your point, the responsibility is on us, once we recognize that, like, okay, I can show up differently, I can have a different level of respect, or understanding or sympathy or like, you know, maybe I don’t go right back at them for a comment that they made. When if it were anybody else I would, I would, you know, have a little bit of grace, I would give a little grace. And it seems like sometimes we don’t give our family the grace that we give so many other people. Yeah, but but highlighting these parents and doing these, whether it’s the podcasts or legacy interviews, highlighting them has kind of, I’ve noticed people just kind of are like, oh, yeah, and then then they kind of have a different level of appreciation when they recognize what what their parent is still capable of doing to this day. You know, they’re they’re still so wise. It’s been just such a treat.

Dr. Mindy
Yeah, I bet. I mean, it’s got to be really fun to be on your end of the of the interviewing process. Well, the other thing that I would say is I’ve heard Jesse say this before, because he’s got one parent that has Alzheimer’s, and then he’s doing an amazing job taking care of his mom. And I heard him on a I don’t know if it was on an Instagram or somewhere he mentioned that he calculated how many potential visits he had left with his parents. And he’s like, if you see him once a month, and they’re gonna live another five years, you know that this is what you have left with them. And I never thought about that. I mean, again, my dad’s 86, my mom’s 82. And I never put their like life in perspective of I’m only got a handful of interactions left with them. And when you do that, it totally changes the way that you approach that relationship. Are you seeing as you go through these legacy interviews, that the people that have the greatest connection with their aging parents are putting doing, you know, putting in extra time creating rituals around their, their connection with them? Like, what habits can we form with our aging parents, that will strengthen that relationship? So we feel really good and complete when they pass?

Megan Reilly
Such a great question, that whole thing that just the first time I heard that, too, from Jesse, I was, like, shook, I was like, Yes, oh my gosh, when you put but it’s true, like he didn’t, it was nothing, it was very true. It’s like you have this many more visits with them. And so rituals, that was good, you took the words out of my mouth, that was that is one of the major things, if there’s a lot of Sunday, Sunday meals, or this is, oh, we do this, and then you know, so getting together regularly is something that that a lot of them do. For those that aren’t around they a lot of them have they do trips like we do, we do this trip this time. And we always go here for it’s a very thoughtful, mindful connection that the family continues to have. And I think we all know that it gets life gets busy, life gets crazy. You’ve got kids schedules, you’ve got school, it’s all this seems like you were talking before, like your schedule is so all consuming. The families that I have interviewed, it is they’re doing life together. So you know, whether that’s a lot of it has been also, like, probably the grandparents or the world or going back, don’t say that. But there have been a lot of caretakers a grant there, the kids are with the grandparents, you know, the kids are there still, they drop them off to go, you know, they spend a lot of time together. And like I said, even the ones that are apart, they have I mean, I’ve been on I can’t tell you how many interviews where I’m like, well, we’re not together, but we’re actually meeting together next week. Like it’s so crazy to me, because it’s always it’s the time together, that time together is absolutely one of those things. And I think that can happen, you know, with a weekly dinner, that can happen with little babysitting moments here and there that can happen with trips, I think it depends on of course, the the dynamic of the family, but that time together is key. And then I honestly think, you know, it comes with the level of respect that you have for those relationships. Yeah. So you have to prioritize the relationship and the relationships I have seen have all been prioritized. The the mother and the child, the father and the daughter, the Father, and you know, like the parent and the child relationship has been a priority. Even when the child becomes a mother, that’s still a relationship that is prioritized the grandparents prioritize the relationship with the grandchildren. And, and also what’s happening is the grandchildren are seeing the priorities of their parents in the grandparents, and then that’s continuing on for generations. So when there’s an 80 year study, and you think, what’s been passed down? Well, the thing that content like those relationships, that’s what’s been passed down the connection between the different generations. And that’s, that’s been a key for every interview.

Dr. Mindy
I feel like I’d love for you, I’d love to like have this conversation, like three years from now, after you’ve done like a whole nother set of interviews. But I’m curious, if different cultures prioritize aging parents different. I would I feel like in our family, both sets of parents were really intimately involved when the kids were little and a part of their lives. And then there’s sort of becomes this moment where you don’t need them to babysit anymore. You don’t need them to, like help you out. And so the it shifts and so you have to come up with new ways to connect with them new ways to pull information out of them. Do you think our culture and I have a worldwide audience, but I’m just gonna say do you think you’re in America? We don’t prioritize the wisdom of aging parents enough?

Megan Reilly
I would say my knee jerk reaction would be that’s probably fair, but I would say my experience is that’s not the case. So the relationships that I have, but But keep in mind, I’m seeking out parents or I’m seeking out interviews with people that their child is like the goal, you know, and so I haven’t been and so I think the thread is that maybe that we they are honoring their parents and that’s a part of why they they their children become fulfilled and happy adults. Those are the people I’m targeting and that’s what I have seen time and time again, across all Different backgrounds and cultures. I, you know, I interviewed Ramit Sethi. He’s a, he’s a well known financial advisor on Instagram, and he’s got books and he’s awesome. His mom had wasn’t an arranged isn’t an arranged marriage, and they’ve been married 50 years or whatever. Yeah. And it was one of my favorite interviews, because I was like, they started as an arranged marriage. And then they came over from India, like, she met him, and then they got married, like it was, it was unbelievable. And it was, you know, their relationship, it was it was still prioritizing the relationship and how they raise their kids. And, and the respect that their children have for them to this day, was similar to what I’ve seen Jessie’s respect for his mom and Sarah, and, you know, your respect for your mom. So? So I think part of it is that is the answer. That is the key that is what is so powerful. I don’t know that I would say across the board that we do that, you know, better than another culture. So I feel like I have got some more work to do to should be able to pinpoint that. But I would say I see it in all the interviews that I’ve had is that there is that honoring of the parents, I think honestly, the legacy interview highlights it even more, because no one really is asking these questions are putting the spotlight on the parent, which everybody can, like, you can take these questions I’ve thrown out and go and sit down and record this conversation for your parent. But, but I have seen that when there is that respect for the parent, and for who they are and what they’ve done. The outcomes are wonderful. Yeah, amazing, you know,

Dr. Mindy
and that when you respect something, you prioritize it.

Megan Reilly
zactly whether it’s your health, or your business, or your family, I mean, it’s your intention of what Where are you putting your energy, your focus your love your care? Yeah,

Dr. Mindy
I had a fun experience. So we’ve done the Sunday night thing forever. And the general rule, the way I was raised was Sunday night dinner was the time for the family, you had to be there unless you were out of town. And your friends could come you just couldn’t go to another house, like you needed to be home with the family. On Sunday night, we played cards, we did things like that. So we reproduce that in our family. And, you know, whoever’s listening, if you don’t do Sunday night dinner with like the family, I highly recommend it. It is such an anchor for the family. Well, so my kids have really interacted with my parents quite a bit. And the other night, we were celebrating my daughter’s 22nd birthday, and we were out to dinner. And my son is a freshman in college. So he decides to come we’re like we come you know, it’s like all exciting that he’s going to like actually leave his dorm room and come out with us. So it comes out. And there’s a sweet moment where I look over at my 86 year old dad is like leaned in, and I can see my son telling him a story. And I caught that I caught it on camera, I actually put it up on my Instagram. Because I know exactly what the conversation was my dad, honestly, he wanted to know what it was like to be a 19 year old frat boy college guy, and my son was telling them and the joy in both of their faces. I had to capture it on camera, I was like that. I mean, nobody, my dad was living vicariously through my son, which was just just mind blowing.

Megan Reilly
And what is more powerful than that, like that human connection, the memories that your son will have from that, you know, the joy that it’s bringing your dad in the moment and the fun and then who knows what he can say to your son as a way to relate or not relate? Or, you know, I mean, it’s just to me, it’s those moments being able to be like, that’s what it’s all about. That’s it like that is that is the purpose of life, you know, I mean, and and honestly, to your point, like with a Sunday dinners, like you prioritize that relationship for your son, and for your dad, by by continuing that. And that was a conscious decision that you made to say, we’re gonna keep doing this, because I’m pretty sure you’re a busy lady, your family’s busy, you probably feel like, let’s add an ad, you know, I mean, you could have very easily not done that, and nobody would have faulted you. But your priority was the people and the relationships in the life and then you’re you’re giving that gift to your kids. You know, I mean, and frankly, the truth is, is you’re giving that as a gift to your later self. You’re gonna reap the benefits of that down the road. You know, they

Dr. Mindy
care about that. Oh my god, I just thought of that. You’re right. You’re modeling for your kids. This is how I want you to take care of me. 80 years old. I never even thought about that. That’s That’s brilliant. What have you noticed about conflict because the other thing is, you know, I always laugh. My sister is two years older than me. And there are moments when like, the four of us will get together and we just go right back into my sister and I go back into our teenage selves. Like everybody operates in these weird places in Family, what have you seen as far as either from talking to the parents of successful people or the legacy interviews? How are people handling conflict and not letting it get in the way of the relationship?

Megan Reilly
Well, I’d say it’s in every one of the relationships and that it’s, it’s a part of life. And so, you know, I am there, I really am highlighting the great parts, but it inevitably comes up in every one, like, the hard times, the challenging times, when the kids were fighting, when they were punching each other in the backseat, like how they, you know, like, or, or when they were drug issues and or somebody gets in jail or whatever. And it’s interesting, because what the tone of the parents that who is, you know, later in life, a lot of times, it’s like, yeah, and then you, you know, you love him through it, and you get through it. And it’s never this heavy moment from the pairing, which I think it’s interesting because I, I take that perspective, because I think when you’re in it, like where I am, in my life was a three or a five, seven and nine year old, I’m so in it, that somehow that those bad moments feel really heavy. What helped me is seeing these interviews, and of course, you know, when you’re out of it, and it’s a retrospective look, you can be lighter with it. But no one has been like, I wish I would have been harder, I wish I would have made everything more intense and more serious and heavier and harder. And I wish I would have been harder on my kids. No one has ever said that. Yeah, and those are kind of that’s kind of how I’ve metabolized the conflict conversation is, you know, everybody talks about moving through it in their own way, you know, they don’t quite say it that way. But they all kind of were like, you know, and then they grew out of it, or, and then we talked about it. And you know, and sometimes the parents, many of the parents have been like, you know, I had expectations, and they didn’t meet him. And so there was a consequence, you know, and it’s very just kind of matter of fact, but it’s just moving through it. And, you know, and that’s, that’s helped me, to be honest, when I’m in those moments where it feels heavy, that I just remind myself, you know, no, we’re gonna move through it. And this is for parents that have had kids struggling with drugs or struggling with grades or struggling with, you know, those kinds of things, not small things, but no one no one really feels like they wish they would have carried it heavier, if that makes sense. They all kind of feel like they move through it, and they continue to love and in some of them is still, you know, some of them have still had some issues here and there, because we’re human, and you know, not everybody, you know, the greatest decisions aren’t always made. But everyone just continues to love, love their kids through it and, and move through it, I would say keeping kind of that momentum going forward. And knowing you can’t get stuck in those hard moments. That’s what I see from the from the different interviews,

Dr. Mindy
I will tell you, one of the biggest struggles I’ve had as a parent is you look at a snapshot of where you are, or that your child is in time. And if you don’t like it, you’re like, Oh, my God, if you don’t get this under control, then this is going to happen. And then this is going to happen, this is going to happen. And as they get older, I really am a big believer in small kids, small problems, big kids big problems, like and the big problems are scary, like crazy scary. And then you have to like remind yourself that like it’s just a phase. But I think actually the older you that my kids get the the harder, the more detached I need to become because I future trip, if they don’t get this under control right now, what’s going to happen five years from now. Whereas when they’re five, you’re like, Well, I still have time to like mold them. But when they’re out of that house, that’s a lot harder. So did you have you seen any patterns where parenting shifts as the kids get older? Have you noticed that at all?

Megan Reilly
Yeah, definitely. And that’s actually a it’s a question I end up usually asking at some point, like, how did you know when did that relationship shift? Or how did that shift? And a lot of times, the common answer is usually like marriage, you know, when your child gets married, there’s this kind of shift where you’re like, oh, yeah, I am not your number, I am not your go to anymore. You I need to cleave could totally like this, this cannot be my thing. And I don’t think I think now I know, as a mom, I’m like, I mean, you can say that and you need you need to step back. But our headspace many times, we’ll still be thinking all those things. But you need to give, you know, what the one of the moms was talking about was like, she needed to figure out that space for herself and with her spouse, and I needed you know, we were best friends. And we are but it’s different and needed to be different. And you know, and so that’s been one of those things. And many of the parents though, it’s amazing, because they never, you know, the parenting hat never goes off. You know, at no point does it go off, it kind of adjusts a little bit and marriage, that was the one that would come up. You know, that was really when the shift happened for many of them. But it was hard. And and many of them talked about that. Like that was a hard time for parents when they have to change that relationship. I mean, I can’t imagine it and so many times when I’m talking to them, I’m like, I gotta come back later because I can’t imagine how that feels. When somebody that’s known your child for three years comes in and becomes the most important. Like, what right, you know, like, logically, I just can’t get there. How does that gonna feel? You know, but it’s like everything else in parenting, you just love your way through it like you, you just kind of keep moving through it. And you know that, you know, I A lot of times, I will like to think about what’s the alternative? Do you know? Like, what if you don’t give them that space and let them have that then what happens if you remain in that place and that parenting role and, and it’s not healthy then for your child’s they go, you know, they need to be able to stand on their two feet and, and then and then I have also heard from many of them, then a new relationship blossoms I never expected I didn’t see this coming. It’s a different type of friendship, more than this motherhood role. It’s a little bit more of a friendship. And then many of them have said, and then they have kids. And they come to me like I’m the most brilliant human being ever because we’ve done all this, you know. And that’s actually the relationship I had with my mom, where when I had kids, she was like, I’ve never been as smart as I was once you had kids and I became the smartest person you’ve ever met in your life. And I was like, Oh, you’re right. You’re right. I didn’t get it until I had kids. And then I’m like, tell me everything. What did you do? You’re the best. Oh, I’ve

Dr. Mindy
heard that from so many, so many parents that when their child has a child, they’re like, oh my gosh, now that child fully understands what’s going on. We were having that experience in our own home, especially with our oldest and my husband. And I did this thing where we’re like, what’s happening? Like, who is this person, but we love what she’s blossoming into. It’s just where there might have been conflict before. She’s now reacting to us differently. And we’re like, wow, well, that was really nice. Like, we’re not gonna argue about this. This is amazing. So it I do like this idea that morphing and changing. And I again, I want to like bring you back in a couple of years, I want you to keep I know, you’re like a serial entrepreneur. I want you to keep doing all of this, because I’m also curious how the different generations respond to their families differently. For example, one of the more like, Aha moments I’ve had interviewing people on this podcast was with an integrative cancer doc. And when I asked her, she has a beautiful clinic down in Southern California. When I asked her what she thought was the or what she felt was the fastest growing population of people getting cancer. She said, the younger generation, and I said why? And she goes, because they were not given the opportunity to create resilience on their own and solve their own problem. They have been raised with cell phones in their hand, that they can connect with mom and dad very quickly. They have you they can go on social media and connect to friends very quickly. So they don’t they weren’t given the resilience. So when stress hits them, they actually are ill equipped. So she’s like I and it was she said specifically 20 year olds, I have 20 year olds pouring in to my clinic now with cancer, because they don’t have they never created resilience.

Megan Reilly
That’s unbelievable. That’s not Yeah, that’s really crazy. As you explain it. I’m like, that makes sense. They didn’t ever have to like be like, my mom isn’t here. I need to find a payphone. I need to find a quarter I need to like all those things that even just like my mind generate, I mean, I did had to figure those things out. That’s really, that’s fascinating. Yeah, I’m not surprised by it. And I would say I have interviewed, I have interviewed a mom who has younger kids. Now she has she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. And she has, you know, was given less than 1% chance to live for five years. And I interviewed her and she had just passed her five years. And I just texted with her last night. And she’s doing that it’s been, you know, another year passing? Yeah. And, and but most of the parents, I’ve been interviewed their parent, their kids are older. So it would be interesting to see like that next generation. You know, I think the youngest is that mom who but you know, they’ve obviously her kids have developed a different type of resiliency because of what their family is going through.

Dr. Mindy
But that’s a whole nother oh my gosh, that’s a whole nother skill set that I don’t know if your heart can take it. But interviewing people with terminal

Megan Reilly
two. So that’s actually it. We were talking before, like, we kind of just build it up on the fly. So one of the things I want to do is create a philanthropic arm of this where I do talk to them moms, moms with terminal diagnosis of some sort, to capture those feelings that, you know, before it’s like, I’m on my deathbed. You know, before it’s like the last moments, but like, let’s just talk about like, what did you think as you’re raising your kids so that so this mom specifically that interviewed her kids at the time, she had one in high school and one in middle school? And I got to talk about like, what did you think about all these questions? What did you think about as you’re raising your kids? How did you feel as a parent like so that someday her sons are going to want to hear her having those conversations and hopefully they hear it from her and everything works out but even still, just to kind of feel Like that mom, or that parent can capture some of those feelings and emotions that you can only get direct from your mom, or your dad, you know. So that’s, that’s another thing that I want to want to pursue, because I know that if it were me, I would want to make sure that there’s some messages that I can have on tap for my kids, you know, you know, and see how that, yeah, please, I

Dr. Mindy
can’t wait, I can’t wait to see where this goes for you. And I so resonate with, when I do the same thing, when I have a passion about something, I just want to jump into it, and I’ll build it along the way. So I’m gonna keep fueling you with more information. And I largely because I feel like connection is so important. And if there’s anything we learned from the pandemic, that lack of connection, really ate people up emotionally. I mean, I remember one day my parents came over when in 2021. So you know, we kind of been out of the thick of the pandemic. And my dad just said to me, you know, we’re lonely, like we don’t have our friend group has split apart, people are arguing over who they should go visit. And he, it was a really sad moment. He said, I think our best friends right now are you and your and my husband. And it was a very sweet moment. But then it also reminded me the responsibility I have as a child of older parents, in this day and age. So I’m going to just keep encouraging you to keep doing what you’re doing whether you have time to do it,

Megan Reilly
or no, no, no, I love it. Well, I definitely want to interview your family, all of all of them. And I want to interview you for my podcast, because you’ve raised amazing. So I’m like, I feel like we’re leaving this conversation with many interviews ahead of us. For sure, for sure.

Dr. Mindy
So my next book, so the, the book that will come out at the end of this year is going fast like a girl, it’s a fascinating manual for women. The next book I want to do, and I’m actually currently researching it, I don’t know how it will unfold, I want to do something on the neuroscience of community and connection. When you go and you look at like nature, for example, like trees, like the roots of trees intertwine underneath the ground, and the trees actually will give extra energy to a tree next to it that might be dying. And there’s so many examples of connection and how it makes us thrive. Yet to the beginning of this caught this conversation, I feel like we are not prioritizing family, we are not tribe prioritizing this kind of experience where we’re talking to people from a heart to heart connection, we put those aside as they’re frivolous. And I’ll do them after I work, I’ll do it after I you know, go to the gym, and they should be at the forefront of everybody’s healthy lifestyle.

Megan Reilly
So I couldn’t agree more I was on a podcast talking about marriage. And he was talking about it was reading this thing, and it was about was an article that somebody written about me and at the end of it was talking about my my marriage. And he was like, I just feel like it should be the first thing and I’m like, I agree. You know, like, when you hear about people, the first thing should be like the people in their life that that because we that’s the power, that’s the source of energy, that’s an end back to the study that you this. so brilliantly started this interview off with because it goes back to the relationships and the people. And those closest to you doesn’t have to be all the people. But the people that are your people, your people that are interested in those relationships are so powerful. And yeah, and I love having an opportunity to highlight those people, for the other people in that in the relationship, you know, because it’s just, it’s not something that is done a whole lot. And, and honestly, it’s holding space for the people, it’s holding space for it to be able to say, let’s talk about you. Let’s talk about what you’ve done, how you’ve done it, and what impact it’s had. And that’s just a special a special thing to do. And we can all do it. I think that’s the other thing that I’ve recognized is everybody’s capable of, of connecting with those members of your family and asking those questions. And what do people love to people like to talk about themselves? Yes, like to talk about the things they’ve done. And especially as you get older, fewer and fewer people are asking them questions, fewer and fewer people are seeking their insight. It’s all there though. It’s all there. And you know, so I would say one of the things I would love is for the people listening to do it for them for their family, you know, don’t wait, you can do this. You can you can start having Sunday dinners, you know, call it a pelts dinner on Sunday. And then when you’re sitting at that table, don’t just talk about what you’re doing at work, ask ask questions about your the legacy that is your family that has those come from those members of the family. And then you’re also setting yourself up for a great future because your kids are seeing the importance of family. So yeah, I just

Dr. Mindy
love this conversation. Thank you for having it with me. It’s It’s so funny, it’s a total different direction than we have done in the podcast. But as I was researching the for the fast like a girl, I found that study on community, because the one thing that’s baffled my brain for a long time is why we do health in a silo, you know, we should do health as a community together. And then when I started to think about that, I started to think more deeply about like, Well, where are those relationships in your life that make you healthier? And if they’re making you healthier, you should be prioritizing them. So I just I hope people gathered that from this conversation. So thanks. And I have two questions for you this. So this is the third season of the reseller podcast. And each season, we kind of have a different theme. So this year, it is gratitude, and really helping us all remember that to highlight what we’re grateful for not to look at the things that aren’t working. So two questions. Do you have a gratitude practice? And if so, what is it and what it’s something you’re really grateful for in this day and age, because it’s very easy right now to look at all the things that are going wrong in the world, what’s going right that you’re grateful for.

Megan Reilly
I love it, I love it. So I do have a gratitude practice. And that is I send out 365 cards a year. So I send out handwritten notes. One, I mean, it’s technically one a day, but I usually batch them. And I it is my gratitude journal that I put out into the world. I do it to encourage people to thank people to let them know I’m thinking of them if they want their hard time. And I have found it to be really impactful for myself, which I didn’t see coming. But when I’m ticked off about something, I’m like, I’m gonna go write some notes. And then you get out of yourself and you start to think about other people and you start to think about their needs their wants, what you can celebrate so so that is my I’ve done it for actually started it because of Jesse and byo LR trying to do something, you know, that was a new habit I wanted to do. And I was like, You know what, I needed to do it, but I didn’t want to do like 10 in a month, I wanted to make it. So it kind of felt like a bigger thing. And so I’ve done it for it’ll be two years this this summer that I’ve done, and I absolutely love it. It’s a joy for me. And then yeah, that’s so that’s my gratitude practice. I love it. Yeah. And then thank you, and, and the thing that I am grateful for right now, in this moment would be I mean, I feel so grateful for the relationships in my life. I love my husband like crazy. And I feel like it’s such an honor to raise human beings. And so as a mom, that is such a gift to think that I get to be responsible for these people and help them navigate life and celebrate who they are. And so, you know, in on the heels of this conversation, it’s the relationships that I have in my life, specifically my husband, my kiddos, it’s such a gift. And, you know, it’s not always easy or perfect, but it’s certainly a gift in my life. And I’m grateful,

Dr. Mindy
you know, I have a new thought, based off this conversation. I think when I meet somebody new, from this point forward, I’m gonna go straight instead of like, Oh, what do you do? Or where do you live? I think I’m gonna ask, tell me about the five closest people to you. What are those mean? Like?

Megan Reilly
Yes, I love it

Dr. Mindy
beneath. It’s kind of like, Have you ever gone into somebody’s house and you look at their books, because their books kind of tell you what they’re thinking about? Yeah, yeah, we should start asking about the closest relationships. And that’ll give you a really deep insight into the person.

Megan Reilly
Yeah, while it’s also putting relationships on a pedestal versus like your job like I don’t you know, I mean, that’s always the go to and it’s like, what does that really tell you about somebody? I don’t know. You know, I love that. Like that. It’s a great idea.

Dr. Mindy
Yeah. Well, Megan, this is awesome. How do people find you? I you know, we were laughing just for the you guys listening. We’re laughing because this legacy interview is a new a new skill or a new venture you’re on that Jesse really puts you into but such a needed one. So we’re now going to say that you are launching legacy interviews. Yes. And your podcast how can people find you on your podcast? Yes, so people can go stalk you

Megan Reilly
Thank you. Thank you. So I am my podcast is on Instagram if you go at who is your mama pod that is me it’s mo MMA it’s always funny to like all the ways people spell mama but I’m actually doing launching it which is very exciting. So um, so it will be available when people listen to this in my podcasts will be on all the all the neural platforms. So that’s exciting. And then I’m very active on LinkedIn. My business side of me comes out on LinkedIn. So Megan l Riley on LinkedIn there. And then who is your mama.com is where people can find out more about the interviews and that’s where people can get their own legacy interview scheduled. Right there on the Who is your podcast or who

Dr. Mindy
was announced on the recenter podcast?

Megan Reilly
It’s got to talk with Dr Mindy said it was gonna happen here it is legacy interviews coming to you today