Understanding The Human Behavior Behind Achieving Goals – With Dr. John Demartini

Dr John Demartini
Don’t waste your time on goals that aren’t truly meaningful to you don’t waste your time on goals that aren’t really priority. Don’t waste your time on goals that your life doesn’t demonstrate is truly important to you, are you going to self defeat, you’re going to keep training yourself that at what I say I don’t do, where if you do something you do spontaneously say I don’t need to have a goal when it comes to teaching and research and learning. I do it every day spontaneously.

Dr. Mindy
resetera is Dr. Mindy here and I am on a mission to teach you just how powerful your body was built to be. This podcast is about giving you the power back and helping you believe in yourself again, let’s jump in. On this episode of The resetter podcast, I bring you Dr. John Demartini. So if you are new to Dr. Demartini his teachings you are in for a mind bending conversation. This man has been teaching philosophy, human potential and the law of attraction for many, many years, but he teaches it from a totally different angle. So some of you may know Dr. Demartini, from the secret he, as you will hear in this discussion has been a lecturer blog writer for many, many years. And what I love about this conversation is we talk about the upside and the downside of achieving a goal. So what we see in our community a lot of times is that when people set a goal, they only think about how great it’s going to be when they achieve the goal. But when they hit a bump with the goal, they end up derailing themselves, because they had never thought of the downside. We see this all the time with fasting, where people want the weight loss, they want the mental clarity, they want the healing that can happen with fasting, but they never think about the moment in which it may not be fun to fast, or the body might give them a symptom that they don’t like. And so Dr. Demartini, I brought him on specifically to help us understand how we can achieve any goal we want in our life, how we can really take our health to a whole new level by using the principles of the law of attraction, but also navigating where these down moments may show up. And you will see he actually pushed back on me on a couple of my beliefs that I have around goal setting. It was so awesome. I always love elevating my thoughts. So it was incredible to hear him really push in on me when I spoke about some of the goals that I have in my life. And it gave me a whole new perspective. So this is such a rich conversation. It’s so perfect for the new year. It’s amazing discussion around how we can really move our life in a positive direction and create a life of our dreams by looking at both the upside and the downside. So Dr. John Demartini. Enjoy. And don’t forget to go to his gratitudes at the end because man does this guy know how to create gratitude in his life. So season three here on the recenter podcast all about gratitudes. And this man has mastered gratitude. So enjoy. Recently, I have been experimenting with some new ideas around helping you guys with hunger when we’re fasting. So what’s fascinating to me is that a lot of times hunger doesn’t come from our human cells telling us Hey, eat, it actually comes from the bacteria in our gut. And if you feed these bacteria, the hunger will stop even in a fasted state. So the trick becomes how do we feed these bacteria without raising our blood sugar so we can keep all the incredible benefits of fasting? Well, I found a product and it is balanced by Organa phi. I have been hacking my fast using this tool on a daily basis and I kid you not it works so well. I take a little pack of balance. I put it in some water in the morning, put it in a big jug and I drink it all day. Hunger is gone. I stay in a fasted state I get all the benefits of fasting. But I’m not having to actually eat a meal to feed these gut microbes. So check out balanced by Organa phi. As always, they’re going to give you 20% off if you go to Organa phi.com forward slash pills. I’ll spell that for you Organa phi o RG a NI foi.com forward slash pills to get your 20% off. And as always you guys I want to know how you’re loving these products. They have been so phenomenal for my personal health. I’m curious what they’re doing for you.

What I really want to die into and I feel like my audience is really going to gain incredible insight from is we’re going into 22 January’s is right around the corner. When people are listening to this, it will be January and people are going to set New Year’s goals. And the you know, the statistics on New Year’s goals are like within two weeks, they’re gone, they’re done, people didn’t and didn’t succeed. And then the limiting beliefs show up in their own mind. So you are one of the best that I know at helping people line up with their goals. So can you walk us through if I’m looking a goal in the face, and I want to achieve something in my life? How do I line my mind up to be able to do that and overcome any obstacle that could derail me?

Dr John Demartini
I have to develop that. So first of all, many people set new year’s resolutions based on transient voids that they want to fill. So let’s say they’ve gone and overspent their money during the holidays, and spent more money than they ideally would have liked. And therefore they feel that they’re, you know, a bit of debt. So now they’re going to go, I’m going to start saving my money now. And I’m going to be more conscious of what my spending is. Or they may have over eaten, because sometimes they let themselves loose because they don’t have accountability during that time. And so now there’s I’m going to go on a diet. So these are transient voids that drive a transient value, values fill voids. fulfilment means filling for something that’s perceived as missing are empty. So when you have a transient void, which just temporarily occurs, which is out of routine during the holidays, and you set up a fantasy that you’re going to now make that a whole year when in fact, those voids will dissolve in two weeks, three weeks, because now you got your routine back, and you get your spending back by the next month, they’re likely to not be lasting objectives. And most people don’t realize that if something is really important to you, it has a lasting void and lasting value. I me I had a desire to learn. And so there’s no end to learning. So I read and study every day. So it’s an unending thing. But I might have a temporary, you know, I may not have gotten to work out for for two weeks, and then I go I need to go work out. So I have a temporary void. But every human being lives by a set of priorities, a set of values, things that are most important to least important in life. And in this hierarchy of values that they have, which is fingerprint specific to them, though two people have the same set of values. Whatever is highest on the value, you’re spontaneously inspired to do. Whatever is lower on the values progressively lower, you need extrinsic motivation to get you to do you need a reward if you do it a punishment if you commit. And anytime you need motivation, extrinsic motivation to get you to do something it’s not really important to you just think it is when somebody says I, this is really important to me, but then I don’t I keep procrastinating, I keep hesitating. It’s not important. Other things are more importantly, keeps taking precedent. So if you don’t know what your real values are, you don’t know what really is priority to you. You can often compare yourself to somebody else think, Oh, I wish I could be like them, oh, I don’t have that and have a temporary void, set up a fantasy of trying to envy somebody else and imitate somebody else, which leads to kind of a self depreciating, limited belief system. Anytime you set a goal that’s not aligned with what you value most, you’re going to decrease the probability of achieving it. So I tell people, don’t waste your time on goals that aren’t truly meaningful to Don’t waste your time on goals that aren’t really a priority. Don’t waste your time on goals that your life doesn’t demonstrate is truly important to you. Are you going to self defeat, you’re going to keep training yourself. That’s what I say I don’t do. Where if you do something you do spontaneously, say I don’t need to have a goal when it comes to teaching and research and learning. I do it every day spontaneously. So what I love doing it doesn’t not work. Yeah, just like you probably do the same thing. And maybe Oh, yeah.

Dr. Mindy
Obsessed. Nobody has to motivate

Dr John Demartini
no motivation, symptom, never a solution to human beings. Yep. So you need to find out what you’re intrinsically driven to do. And set goals that are congruent with that and not compare yourself to other people, because they have a different set of values. And anytime you’re a cat trying to expect to swim like a fish, you’re going to beat yourself up and you’re gonna think I have a limited belief. But the truth is that you have a very dedicated, very disciplined behavior in what’s valuable to you. You just need to discover what it is and not compare it to somebody else. We’re not here to compare ourselves to others. We’re not here to put people on pedestals or pits We’re here to compare our daily actions to our own highest value. And then stick to the priorities. If we fill our day with high priority actions that inspire us, it doesn’t fill up with low priority distractions don’t. And we’re automatically, spontaneously discipline reliable and focus to achieve them. And we build momentum incrementally to build ever greater goals that are more congruent as we get to know who we are, and live congruently and authentically, according to what’s really meaningful.

Dr. Mindy
Yeah, so if I have a health goal, this is one thing that I’ve just seen in 25 years of practice is, people can set a health goal. But there, it’s not their highest value so that let’s use weight loss as an example. So I want to let’s say, I want to lose 30 pounds. And maybe I want to lose it for because I want to impress somebody, or because society says I should look a certain way. But it’s not my highest value, can I make it my highest value? How do I change it? So on the on the value ladder? Like, is there a way to improve my values around what’s right for my life?

Dr John Demartini
Yes, but let me share a story if you don’t mind. Oh, please. asked, I was asked to do a reality TV show in Universal Studios a number years back. And they gave me 12 people to transform the lives of two hours each and 24 hours at 24 hours to transform 12 people’s lives. Wow. And, yeah, it was a very intense 24 hours. But what was interesting as there was a lady there that was quite obese. And she walked in, right before we started filming, and she brought brought in and carry two giant boxes of food in and she said, Oh, I got everybody some food. So we wouldn’t start and then went on to eat the entire two boxes. Wow. And she said, and she said, she said to me, she says, You got to help me. I keep I can’t lose weight, you got to help me, you got to help me. I just want to lose weight. I just went. And I looked at her. And I said, Ma’am, I’m going to be blunt with you. If you lie to yourself, you’re not going to get anywhere. Every decision you make is based on what you believe will give you the greatest advantage to participate. Right now you are consciously or unconsciously have more advantage keeping weight on and eating than you don’t. So if you would like me to help you, I’m going to ask a very pertinent question. It’s going to be seemingly logical to what you’d think. But we’ll help. I asked her what exactly is the benefit you’re getting out of keeping weight on and eating? It’s just not it’s killing me. Look at me. It’s a dead stop, stop. What’s the benefit of getting out of keeping weight on in eating? She paused for a second after dodging it a few times. Then she said, everybody in my family is very big. If I’m not big, I don’t feel like I’m loved or part of the family. Yeah, I seen my data. Write it down. Okay. Now number two, what’s another benefit of getting out of keeping weight on an eating? She said, My sister is bigger than me. We used to fight like cats and dogs. I swore I would never be smaller than her because she couldn’t push me around. And she cried. I said, Great. Write that down. Now go it’s another benefit. And all of a sudden, she told me the story. It was a really interesting one. She said, I went on a really, really, really strict diet. I lost 45 pounds one time. When I did I started to get a bit of a figure. First time in my life that I could remember. Then she said, the guy hit on me and showed affection. I never had a guy hit on me. I thought he was loving me. I didn’t know he was just, you know, interested in sex. We made love the very first time first time ever made love in my life. And the next day, I never saw him again. And six weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. At a Catholic and I have this conflict. If I have an abortion, I feel I’m in hell. If I keep the baby, I’m with a baby I don’t want I mean hell. I saw no alternative. And I got the abortion. Now I’ve had that pain and suffering. Because I’m now thinking I’m in my Catholic bringing the Catholic guilt saying, you know I’m bad. Mm hmm. And I said, and indeed you put weight on after that. She says I did. I said, I never want to be in that position. Again. I never want to lose weight again. Because last time I did it was the most painful thing in my life. I said great. Write that down. Then she said I’m in the I’m in television. And you see me for my breast up and my breasts are voluptuous my hairs and my skin is smooth. If I lose weight, they sag.

And all of a sudden I don’t look as, as skin, my skin doesn’t look as good. I said, Great, what’s another benefit. And I went through this process of going through the benefit. And I, all of a sudden, I realized, wow, this lady was really has more unconscious motives to achieve and keep the weight on. And she doesn’t taking it off. So what we did, we had to go home that night, and write down 75 benefits that she was getting for keeping her weight on. When she then realized this, she came back the next day, she said, I really don’t have a desire to get rid of my white tea. I said, No, it’s time to wake up and face the truth about yourself, and realize that that’s what’s happening. So now she said, was there anything I can do about it? He said, Yes, we need to find an alternative way, a viable alternative way of getting all those benefits, how to be part of the family without having to eat, how to how to be part of the relationships without having to assess or have sex. And being set to set up for that and come up with viable alternatives, then what we need to do is we need to find out what your actual values are. And we need to link all those viable alternatives to what your values are, and stack up neuroplasticity new pathways in the brain to see that I can get what I really want in life if I follow these new alternatives, because you have you found one thing eating to solve all those problems, to prevent all those pains. That’s ingenious, it’s not wrong, or you’re not fooling, you found a very strategic way of getting what you want through eating. And it worked. It’s avoided all these things, situations that are paying. So until we have viable alternatives, once we get the Bible alternatives, linked them in, come in there and now associate the pain with the eating, when now we can come up with the drawbacks. Because until you’ve have a viable alternative link to your brain, if you go in there and show the pain to what you’re doing, and you don’t have an alternative that’s even more scary. So you go right back to. So then we took the downsides of that. And there’s never an addiction to something without a subjection. And the subjection is always a painful event that you’re trying to avoid. And it’s creating a dissociation and emptiness that you’re trying to fill. And so I went through a 13 step process with her. And I did it outside that the two hours time because I didn’t have enough time to do an incident on a pathway, which then gradually, slowly, over about 1.6 months, started dropping her weight, until she got down to where she now knew had control her own governance, that she never had a problem. She had an unconscious strategy. People have unconscious motives and don’t realize it. And then they try gimmicks. And they temporarily get a little high and they can discipline themselves while they’re infatuated with the gimmick. But that wears off. You don’t capitation makes that wear off. Yep. And then they go back.

Dr. Mindy
Amazing. So if I’m looking at a goal, what I just heard from that is, I need to understand where I’m gaining from the place I’m in at the current place. Yeah. Because the goal may take away like love is a really interesting one specially you know, the classic, the five people you hang around are the people you’re going to become like, and if those are your favorite people, and they have a life that is not congruent with health, then you’re gonna it’s gonna be really hard to step out of that. So if I’m setting a goal for the new year, then I need to understand where I may be benefiting from, I don’t know a better way that discomfort that I have in my life before I even look at the goal. Would that be accurate?

Dr John Demartini
Yeah, the thing is, is every decision is based on what you believe at that moment, is going to give you more advantage and disadvantage. So your brain is a processing a probability processing decision making system. And it’s based on subconsciously stored baggage that you’ve had in the past, anything that you thought was painful, you have an instinct to avoid anything that’s pleasurable, you have an impulse towards, so anything that’s been associated with pain or pleasure stored in the subconscious mind. And now if you want to make a change in your behavior, you’re now confronted with all that subconscious stuff. So unless you can come up with more advantages of doing the actions that lead to weight reduction, and the advantages of that are greater than the disadvantages, and any pain that might surface in the process of doing it. All of a sudden, I lose my loved ones. As long as there’s more pain and pleasure of doing that. If those pains are still more than the pleasures and advantage you’re getting, you’re still going to resist. Yeah, so you got to identify all the resistances you have, write them all down Find out how doing this new action is going to assist you in those areas and your highest current values. And it’s a science and it works. But it takes effort. Yeah, most people don’t want to do there, they want a quick fix, they want to blame. They want to blame the diet, or they want to blame this. So they want to blame. You know, I can’t eat, I have people, it’s I can’t eat bread, I can eat 10 slices a day, I don’t gain weight. It’s not the bread. It’s the associations you’ve made in your mind. It’s the associations. And so if you have an association, if I do this, this is going to happen, you’re going to prevent yourself from doing it. So you need to stack up all the action steps that are proven to be effective. What are the advantages of doing that? And how are they going to help you fulfill your highest value. And if something comes up, that you’re afraid is going to occur? How is that going to help you fulfill your highest value, so you reduce the anxiety. Now you can now you can navigate to that methodically, very carefully. And you have to take it, what’s the next anxious anxiety that could come up if all of a sudden you gain weight or lose weight. I had this one woman. She was an Irish woman. She’s from San Diego area. She was a lawyer, she finished her law degree. Or she was becoming a lawyer. She finished a law degree she started going to practice. And she started getting clients. And every male client, just about every one of them bailed out on her. So if I said that she came to me, she said, I keep losing clients. I said, go ask the column and find out why. And they said, You’re attractive. My wife refused to let me have you as a as a lawyer. She goes, Well, what an insight. So she gained weight, shorter hair, from herself out, put on glasses, picked up the client. But now she’s gained weight to keep herself less threatening. I said, Wait a minute, now, there’s an alternative, a viable alternative. What’s that, refuse to see the client list, the spouse is there. And make sure the wife is there and become friends with the wife. So they’re backing you up and supporting the objectives. She goes, I can’t live in see that. So she immediately started to make sure before I can do this, I have to make sure I’m working with a family team if you’re married, or if you have a girlfriend, I want to make sure we’re working as a team. Because I don’t want them undermining us halfway through our project and put all this work in and not getting an app to charge you for it. So she started doing that. And once she became friends, the women, the women were making sure the men were following through to play like telling them in what to do. And then what happened was she didn’t lose and clients, she dropped weight immediately to help her out, let herself get sexy and didn’t have any anxiety. Women are thinking, Oh, she’s using her sexuality to win for my husband. She’s she’s got she knows how to manipulate that judge.

Dr. Mindy
Yeah, amazing. So you know, something that resonates in that story for me. And something I’ve heard that you said before, and I am definitely don’t have this mastered in any way, shape or form is that when I set a goal, or and I see this with other people, I only see the upside of it. So I don’t see the downside of it. Nor do I really want to look at the downside of it. But you over the years and just listening to you. I hear you say over and over again, you got to look at the downside, you got to know where that downside is. But sometimes you don’t know until you’re in the action of the goal. Or, you know, in the process, you’re not even really fully aware of all the downsides. So the the question I have is one how would we know what the downsides are? And two, what if you’re along your journey and you’re you’ve got like a fitness goal or a health goal and you’re doing well and then all of a sudden a downside appears? How do you deal with it in that moment?

Dr John Demartini
Okay, that’s a really great question. And I love tackling. Alright. There’s a difference between a fantasy and objective. A fantasy is an assumption that there’s going to be more advantages than disadvantages. And that’s how you make decisions to avoid or seek. But in fact, in life, there’s always an advantage and a disadvantage no matter what you do. So we have a fantasy we’re going to get one side without the other we make a decision impulsively. The stoics had a thing called meditating on the evils to anticipate what could go wrong in advance. You can’t go to Mars, you can’t launch a spacecraft into space without they’re about to launch the web observatory. Okay. When they put the James Webb observatory on space, they hired 13 organizations to find every possible thing that could go wrong with every engineer so they could prevent a multi billion dollar fiasco. Interesting that they’ve they make sure that every engineering system is counted for that as much as possible. You don’t go somewhere without taking in it with for sites that we leave there live in hindsight. And we go after an impulse. And then we find out the the challenges which are distressful. Because we weren’t prepared. And we have a fantasy now the pain of the opposite. And the challenges are distasteful. If you sit down and anticipate what could go, what could be an obstacle, what two challenges? And as you think of those and solve them in advance and prepare for them and find if this happened, how do I use it to my advantage, and now let me get my goal. If you do, then when they do happen, you’re not distressful. You just go Plan B. And you’re now transforming a fifth a fantasy of one sidedness. A fantasy is a positive without a negative. An objective is something that has both sides. Let me use the analogy of dating somebody, you get you meet this girl, or this guy. And the first night you go, this is amazing. And you actually live in the fantasy, a survival subjective bias fantasy that this is going to have a positive without a negative, a game a lot of loss, you know, pleasure without pain, peace without war. Nice. That mean kind of cruel? You know, that kind of thing? Yeah. And the first few weeks, the first few weeks, it seems like it’s going to last. But then after three months, you find out, huh, now you start to discover the peccadilloes and the challenges that you’ve faced with this person, they start to drive you nuts. And, you know, they start to challenge you, they start to give you, you know, these other things, and then all of a sudden, you’re starting to withdraw from the infatuation and starting to resent them not living up to your fantasy. And you didn’t anticipate them upfront, and you didn’t ask questions. So you allowed yourself to get in now hammered with this fantasy, and eventually come back into the center. And hopefully, after resenting a few of those things, you still sustain it, you keep the relationship going, and eventually realize the person you really love has both sides. There’s always something you can like and dislike, there’s support and challenge, because maximum growth and development occurred the border of support and challenge that’s been shown in chaos theory, biological theory and ecological. And you need both. So to expect a one sided world is fantasy, but yet people do it. But actually, in long term, you find out that the person has things you like and dislike, you know, you have you can’t even like yourself all the time.

You know, you can, it’s delusional to think you’re going to do that. So what happens is, a goal is no different. A true objective, by the word objectivity in philosophy means neutral. A true objective isn’t positive, without negative. It’s you’re anticipating the reality of what you’re going to do. You’re preparing in advance with foresight. And you’re thinking, strategically planning, what is it that could come with this? And how do I solve in advance, so I’m prepared. So now, it’s not distressful? It’s stressful. So when you’re pursuing challenges that you’re inspired by that have meaning to you have you stress not distress, and you have a change in the cytokines and all the pro inflammatory, anti inflammatory, they come into balance? So your your body prepared? You’re not distressed? You’re, you’re stressed? So by thinking in advance, what are the challenges that you might face? And how do you assign them in advance? And how can we use them to our advantage? Once you see that everything is on the way, and you’re prepared for it, you’re more likely to get it. I was coming. I used to live in Trump Tower in New York. We lived underneath Donald where he lived, he lived on the top floor is underneath him. And I knew Donald’s lecture, McDonald’s. I’ve been in his office. I’ve known him for 29 years. He’s a crazy guy. But we were coming down the elevator one day, my wife and I in him, and we come into the lobby together. And there’s about a dozen people waiting for him down there. And we’re going on the way to have some sushi just down the street with some 50/53 Street, 56th, Street and Fifth. So we we literally go up to the corner, and we’re listening to the conversation that Don was having with all his his little disciples. And we’re waiting at the light to go across the light, and we’re hearing him. And then as he goes off, he veers off towards the plaza, we go straight. But he had 12 People with him. And each of them were specialists to think of what could go wrong on the Hudson River Project is right when he’s building out to River Project. And so he said, All right. And one was a specialist in Indians, American Indian

Dr. Mindy
history. Hmm. Interesting. And I

Dr John Demartini
thought this interview he said, I want you to make sure that there’s no burial grounds of Indian burial grounds where we’re about to dig in this this square, he has a mile there’s going to be building buildings and a whole mile. I want to make sure there’s no historical things that when we start building, we start digging, and all of a sudden were tied up for years on an Indian burial ground at sacred. So we had a specialist in there to go and research to find out before we’re at events, then we had a geologist he had a job just there to think of what are the geological formations in that area? What type of rock we’re going to do, what type of drilling we’re going to have to do? How are we going to break this this rock up? Because we got to go down 10 stories into the into the rock? Then you had somebody there that was anybody in the real estate there? What are the possible people they’re going to try to refuse to sell? Because some of the places aren’t sold yet? And how are we going to find out what their family is? And what their what their psychology, what their needs are, what their income levels? And how do we make sure that we get them to sell out so we can get that land. And he was he had specialist on every possible challenge and obstacle that might be involved. To build that. It wasn’t positive thinking, let’s go to Mars, Elon Musk had to have probably 40 explosions, costing billions of dollars with SpaceX, in order to make it tough to build his company, and now he’s having more problems right now. He has to think in advance with engineers and what could happen and prepare for that, or otherwise, he’s never going to get it off the ground. So the stoics said to premeditate on the evils allows you to reduce the anxieties and allows you to prepare more effectively with foresight, instead of hindsight, and most people impulsively react, then afterwards, they have hindsight, oh, God, I can’t believe this. I didn’t see this coming. And boy, they’re not prepared. And they’re distressful. Because they’re waiting to hold on to their fantasy with a dopamine fix. So it’s wise to have foresight, more than hindsight, to live in your executive center instead of your amygdala, that desire center. And to anticipate so you’re prepared. So you actually go plan B, plan C, no problem Plan D.

Dr. Mindy
Because you’re already know it’s coming. You already have it there. What I find so

Dr John Demartini
you will not you will not know all of them. Right? Go that as you go. You don’t want to stop anticipating Now what could go off? Yeah, Chris Hadfield, the astronomer, astronomer, the astronaut, was being interviewed on London real. And they said, you know, they rehearse 1000 times. What could go wrong? If this happens, what do you do until it is automated, so you don’t have emotions, emotions, destroy achievements. The Warren Buffett says emotions destroy wealth until you can manage emotion, don’t expect to be to be wealthy. Robert Greene says don’t expect to be a leader. If you can’t manage emotions, that’s a number one thing that stops people off is their amygdala. Because it’s impulsive. It’s great for survival, but not for goal setting. A goal setting is a foresight, not a hindsight.

Dr. Mindy
So the thing that catches me is the way I always understood law of attraction. And you know, you you really launched your career, I think, as far as I know, from the secret, and is that you always got to think the right thought you got to think the positive thought, and not think the negative thought. So when my amygdala kicks in, and is like, Hey, don’t do that. Because you did that once before. And this, this, this and this happened. My prefrontal cortex has known law of attraction, you can’t Don’t listen to the amygdala, make sure that you are thinking about what you want, not what you don’t want. So how do we wrestle that?

Dr John Demartini
Okay, that’s a very good question. First of all, I’m just wanting to bunk the idea that thinking positive is the only way to do it. Can I share a story about that, please? I first got introduced to this. I was doing 350 speeches a year before I got the secret, the secret? Yes. So I guess the secret helped me but it didn’t. It wasn’t where I started. But first of all that back in when I was 28 years old. I had for 10 years, from age 18 to 28 attempted to be a positive thinker. I read every book that was on self help. I mean, there wasn’t anyone out there that I’m not aware of any way in the self help industry, you know, that I hadn’t read those books. No matter what I did, I still had positive and negative and positive times and had negative times positive thoughts and negative thoughts towards myself and other people. And when I was really honest, myself, Hey, boy, you know what? I still have negative thoughts of doing this now for a decade. And I met, you know, I met Earl Nightingale and his brother. I met W. Clement Stone I met, you know, positive thinking. Norman Vincent Peale. I actually met these guys. I met Zig Ziglar. I met Brian Tracy, I met all the people that were supposedly positive things up. I can tell you with absolute track, none of these people are positive. They’re human beings with both sides. They’re positive and negative. I had cases that every one of those people demonstrating their negativities and angers and frustrations and there is no such thing as a positive person. There’s a human being and when their values are supported, they can be nice if that is a challenge. That can be mean. I’m not I’m not a positive person. I’m a human being. I think that needs to be clearer. Now. When you set a goal that is aligned with your highest values, you’re more objective. And when you’re more objective, you’re anticipating both sides. And so your goal is realistically set. And whenever you’re in your highest value, your blood glucose noxion goes into the forebrain. And the pulvinar nucleus of the thalamus filters all your sensory information, it’s the highest end of the reticular activating system, it filters it before it goes into croner idiota, into the telencephalon. And cortex, it filters all the sensory information. So you can literally select with a, an attention bias information that helps you get your goal. If you set a goal that’s aligned with your highest value, but your expectation is not one sided, positive, your expectation is grounded. I expect to have my challenges, I’m prepared for them. And I see the opportunities. And I’m not reacting to it. I’m not in avoidance mechanism and the Megillah the the middle always wants to avoid pain and seek pleasure. The objective center, the prefrontal cortex, embraces pain and pleasure in the pursuit of a purpose. It’s totally illogical. It’s the one that goes after an objective. So you have the highest probability of achieving something that you’re willing to embrace the pains and the pleasures in the pursuit of than just positive thinking. I guarantee you, nobody on the secret I know all those people. They’re not positive. They’re human beings. And Ronda went through all kinds of crazies, when she came out with that movie. Yeah, that’s why there was never a sequel to that.

Dr. Mindy
Right. I actually had I interviewed her on this podcast, and she talks about that she went actually went into a real dark place afterwards, and then re came out with Yeah,

Dr John Demartini
she had all kinds of crazies had her lawsuits. Yeah, there were three major lawsuits when it when the movie came out. That was that was it, she got tax evolvement, there was all kinds of stuff that was happening. So people have a fantasy. And the thing is, is the majority of people are living in their amygdala. And they’re responding with impulses, and the mass market. People like to sell to the mass market. So they sell the fantasy, you know that the fantasy will be sold easier than the reality. But people don’t want to know the truth. They want the fantasy, and that sells much faster. And so people sell the fantasy, but I made a commitment. Like I’m not here to sell fantasy, I’m not going to do that the Buddha says the desire for that which is unavailable and the void to desire to avoid that which is unavoidable. So source of human suffering. So anytime you try to avoid pain and seek pleasure, you got to have suffering, because you’re gonna have no passion that’s not going to be obtained. But if you can embrace both sides, in a relationship, in a real goal, and in life, you’re gonna have a resilient, adaptable preparation for reality of life. The people that are one sided, that they’re not prepared for reality, and they get slammed by it. The more you’re addicted to one, the more you get the opposite. If you’re addicted to protection, you get aggression, whatever you’re addicted to, you get the other to break your addiction, because you need to grow and you don’t grow. If everything supported your value, you beat you really dependent you’d be you wouldn’t grow. And the challenges in life and making precocious independent, you need both maximum growth occurs that support and challenge positive and negative. So no evidence, there’s no evidence, even the Global Peace Index on the planet has a balance of peace of war in the world. And every year it shows that data. But people live in a fantasy and they want the fantasy. They’ll buy the fantasy and people will sell them the parents see. And people in the self help industry will sell the fantasy. Yeah, and make a fortune off it. Yep. Even though people then suffer and then they blame themselves thinking there’s something wrong with them because they’re not getting a one sided world again. Yeah, please everybody who’s listening out there. You don’t need to get rid of any part of yourself to love yourself. Embrace both sides of yourself.

Dr. Mindy
Yeah. I love that. I love that. Okay, receptors. Let’s talk about deep sleep. Now there has been a lot of debate as to how much sleep we actually need. So a lot of people believe between seven to nine hours. And many people believe it’s not the total amount of sleep that you get, but how much deep sleep you get. So I’ve been tracking my deep sleep for some time trying to figure out what improves it and there is one consistent nutrient that is giving me an incredible amount of deep deep sleep and that is magnesium. But I’ve tried a lot of different magnesium sources. So I wanted to figure out which one gave me the greatest deep sleep and it is very, very clear that upgraded formulas magnesium product absolutely gives me an incredible night’s sleep and puts me in the deepest sleep I can possibly get. I have tested this so many nights I didn’t know the first time I started taking upgraded formulas magnesium I thought maybe it was a fluke that I got into such deep sleep. But here I am, eight months later, after consistently taking their magnesium magnesium product, I am seeing a massive difference in the quality of my deep sleep. So upgraded formulas, their magnesium product, they’re going to give you 15% off if you use my last name. So just go to upgraded formulas.com, put Pells in PLC in the coupon code, and they will give you 15% off and give it a try. Let me know what you find out. Let me know what it does to your deep sleep. And there is nothing better than a great night’s sleep. So I hope it works on your brain and on your sleep cycle as well as it worked on mine. So how do you know what your values are? You know, I like I’m listening to you talk and I’m thinking like one of my values in life is serving people and and, you know, I really am clear that I want my life to be of contribution to the world. I’m not here to take anything from the world. I’m here to give back to the world. And I know that’s probably a value of yours as well. So any any goal that I set that is to help other people, I can handle the downside. But on I love this idea that some of the goals I set when the downside happens. I’m like, Yeah, okay, I’m out. I’m now on to something else. So how do I know what my values are? Is the

Dr John Demartini
fantasy, right? Fantasy? Yeah, okay. I’m gonna shatter something here, it’s not gonna feel

Dr. Mindy
good. That’s why you’re here, go for it.

Dr John Demartini
Okay, so watch this. Now, let’s say that we, each of us have moments when we puff ourselves up, and inflate ourselves with sort of a pride. And we also have moments where we deflate ourselves and minimize and, and, and put ourselves in kind of shame. And we exaggerate and minimize ourselves, we go back and forth. Each of those are personas. They’re not, they’re not our true self. They’re personas and masks, we wear puff ourselves up, beat ourselves up. When we puff ourselves up, we tend to do towards narcissism. And when we beat ourselves, we tend to go towards altruism to compensate. Narcissism is compensation for pride of the past, hidden agenda, the future algebra is this compensation of shame of the past hidden agenda, the future, that’s basic psychology. Now, the second you puff yourself up, you want to get something for nothing. The second you beat yourself up, you want to give something for nothing. But the second, you’re actually in a state of equanimity, authenticity, and equity with somebody else. If you put yourself up, look down on people, you’re gonna want to take, if you’re looking to minimize yourself and exaggerate people you’re going to want to give. But if you put those into balance, and have equanimity within you, and equity between you and other people, you want to have sustainable fair exchange, which is the only thing that contains the secret to fulfillment in business, and in economics, and in relationships, etc. People want to be loved for who they are not the personas. So if they don’t live authentically, and do a sustainable fair exchange with people, they don’t keep relationships. Now, in business, when you do a service, you want to get paid exactly what you feel it’s worth. And when people pay for something, they want to get exactly what they think it’s worth. So if there’s a fair exchange, it’s sustainable, they want to continue to do business. If they try somebody tries to get something nothing, or try to give something for nothing, the person getting something from nothing essentially goes what them and I deserve more than that. The person that gets something for nothing, or feels that they got something, nothing feels guilty, nobody wants to do business with them. So nature automatically feed it gives a feedback like a homeostatic, to get us back in equilibrium, we have sustainable fair exchange. So I’m not a giver, not a taker, I try my best to sustain fair exchange. Because I’m into service with fair reward. I don’t want reward without a quality service. I don’t want a service without a reward. And if you don’t define the rewards, and declared up front and the service and negotiate it, you’ll be guessing what the rewards are. And eventually that’s like bartering, and bartering is inefficient. So you want to be upfront, and truly what you want, and what you want to give and make sure it’s negotiate. And it’s fair. And if you do you have sustainable fair exchange, and that’s more fulfilling in a relationship, it’s more fulfilling in a business, you’re more likely to build your wealth, more likely to have less brain noise in the brain, because narcissism now just leaves you with noise in the brain. And because it’s personas, everything that’s going on in our physiology, psychology, and sociology is trying to get us authentic, authentic goal is an objective, not a fantasy. Got it?

Dr. Mindy
Amazing. So I’ve heard you say before that when you’re going along in life, and there’s like an you’re having a great I think specifically the story I heard you say is if you have a great day, get ready because the opposite side is going to be coming. I heard this years ago from you that the opposite is going to show up for you that we’re always On this polarity, and recently I was doing some research on dopamine. And one of the things that I discovered was that with dopamine when we go into this molecule of more, and we have this anticipation of something really good about to happen, and then it happens that way, there’ll be a recalibration where there’ll be a down moment, because you’ve got to bring that dopamine back back down, because you can’t sustain that dopamine high

Dr John Demartini
cavitation is called hedonic adaptation. Okay, so,

Dr. Mindy
yeah, so explain that. Because, again, I’m a lemonade gal. I’m like, let me find the good, I’ll keep going there. And what I’m learning from this conversation is, hey, you know what, sometimes it’s good to not go there and understand, but what do I do when I have a good day? Do I go, Oh, no, I maybe.

Dr John Demartini
It’s not, it’s not causal. It’s not if I’m feeling good, I then will later feel something bad. It’s not that that’s causal. Okay, Wilhelm one, Wilhelm one, who is the earliest psychologist like with William James, they are the founders of psychology. He said that there are sequential contrast and simultaneous contrast. Sequential contrast is when you are subjectively biased, and you have a false positive on the positives and false negatives on the negatives or a confirmation bias on the positives and just confirmation on the negatives and you’re now infatuated, you’re seeing the positives, but you’re blind to the downsides. Your intuition is whispering trying to point out the downside, but you’re ignoring it. You’re impulsive, shutting out your intuition. When you do, then all of a sudden you then later over a weeks, you discard start discovering the downsides. Now they were there the whole time. But you’re blind to them. Yes. And so you look like it looks like there’s a sequential positive and then negative, you’re blind. Whenever you’re unconscious, and you’re blind, your intuition is trying to point out the unconscious to make it fully conscious. But your impulse is overriding your intuition. And so your impulse to I gotta have that is a subjective bias survival mechanism that was designed to be able to capture prey, and to get the adrenaline running to get that prey that you want to eat, or to avoid that predator that you want to get away from. So those are automatically setting up a subjective bias as a survival mechanism to skew and distort reality. So we end up thinking there’s one sided worlds, and that’s why people sell matter because most people function so that’s why fantasy sell more than objectives. But intelligent people know that Porphyry in the third century, Neoplatonic philosopher, warned against that he said the intelligent people know not to go after one sided things. But the unintelligent are always vulnerable to the fantasies of the afterlife, the heaven in the afterlife, and the hell if you don’t, and all that punish reward mentality, the call burden on a moral development show that the lowest level of moral development is punish, reward mentalities. And then then then you finally go to individual subordination, individual authorities, mothers, fathers, preachers, teachers, subordination to collective authorities, you know, mores, traditions and dimensions and eventually transcended to you finally realize that none of those moral hypocrisy are where life is, those are all just traps of the amygdala. So most people are trapped in that amygdala trying to avoid something like that instead of seeing both sides. So the wise individual says, I’m infatuated. That’s a sign I’m blind to the downside. One of the downsides of this. I was at the Ritz hotel with my wife many years ago. And we were there and Boris Becker, and his girlfriend was there. And the Prince and Princess Japan was there’s only six of us in the restaurant, my wife and I. And we could you couldn’t not hear the Prince and Princess, they just got married, they came over to France to go on their honeymoon. And they had a 500 page document. And this seems so unromantic to most people who are ignorant and what the fantasy, but they had a 500 page document in front of them at the dinner table. And he was turning to pages and asking her questions and writing notes. And she was turning to pages and asking questions. And they’re getting to know each other. What about this situation? How do you handle this something about getting to know each other. So they didn’t let just their amygdala and their emotions run their passions. They allow their mission and reason, along with a passion was to mix. And I watched that and Becker was infatuated. He was enamored with this African girl. And that was short lived. They’re still together. Now they’re the upper. So this is 30 years ago. So I saw that they used their executive function, to develop a long term relationship and to learn how to communicate what they valued in each other’s values. And that’s a different thing. Most people don’t I don’t want to do that. I just want the pleasure I want to meet a dopamine fix, yes. And that cost, immediate gratification, cost life, long term vision and foresight pays life. And same thing with investment. Second business. Your Seneca said the great Roman poet he says you measure an individual by the most distant ends big space and time horizons do they live in? If it’s immediate gratification, they’re not going places. Yeah. And they’re going to be impulsive. They’re going to be run extrinsically by the outside world like prey and Predator. But the person has a long term vision. They’re the ones that live intrinsically. And they create their world instead of react to their world. They’re designers, not duty people.

Dr. Mindy
Amazing. Okay, what do we do when we hit the goal. And like, you’re striving for something, you hit that moment, you’ve gone through the ups and downs of it. This, we see this with health all the time, and then you take your eye off of it, and all the second.

Dr John Demartini
The second, you think you’re successful, you’re on your way down. Success, the perception of success is a deed purchasing feedback. And the perception of failure is a repurposing feedback system. And that’s why dopamine and the amygdala, the idea of searching for success, and avoiding failure is a dopamine response, not an executive center. executive center is a man on a mission or a woman on a mission, a mission is missing the ions, passion is passing to one eye and to the next. Passion means to suffer. I tell people that you’d go to study the etymology comes from the etymology of potty and picea, which means to suffer. So people don’t realize that their Mega is a set source of suffering, because you’re striving for that which is unavailable, a positive without a negative and you’re trying to avoid that thing. Imagine a magnet, I give you a magnet, that’s positive, negative, I said, Alright, I’m going to get only the positive pole of the magnet. Will you be spending the rest of your life looking for a positive pole magnet without the negative pole? You can’t do it? Yeah. James Maxwell got to know, you know, he, he developed his four partial differential equations to try to defend that and show that you can’t get positive without negative part of it. But people live in the fantasy they do. So then, when people live in a fantasy, they end up with nightmares. And they had an up with anxieties and phobias and all kinds of stuff because like, every time I do this, this pain comes there. But when they actually realize that life has two sides and embraces those two sides, and prepares for them, and sets a real objective, they don’t have any, any, you know, angst about it, because they’ve already thought that and I see it, I see how it’s gonna serve me. And it’s on the way and I have a realistic expectation. Imagine if I was dating you, I don’t know. We were dating. And I said, I have an expectation you always be nice. Never mean always kind of a cruel. Generous. Now, I’d be I’d be angry and aggressive. I’d be blaming you and betraying you feel betrayed. I’d be criticizing and challenging and despair and depression, a desire to exit and escape, and I’d be frustrated, futile. I mean, I would have the ABCDEs and negativity on you in seconds, because I have a complete delusion about who you’re going to be. Yep. And if I expect you to live in my values, instead of your own, I’d also have a delusion. And that’s what people do. They live in a delusion all the time. And they wonder why their life sucks.

Dr. Mindy
Yeah, yeah, mind blowing. And you actually are giving me so much insight as I watched people step into fasting, because they see these incredible results that people get, but they don’t realize that there can be some downsides to getting there. So you actually gave me a higher perspective and how we can support and help people through the process of fasting. So and you have your own fasting, I just want you to tell a little bit of what you told me before we got on about fasting, because you have gone through many years of going into some deep fasts, and I’m kind of curious in those deep fasts. What if you had any spiritual insight, what the process was like what you were searching for?

Dr John Demartini
Well, my original pursuit of fasting came because I had strychnine cyanide poisoning as a teenager. And Paul Bragg, who I had the opportunity to meet, who was a who wrote the book, The miracle of fasting, and had started and encouraged, you know, health food stores across American help Jack, Elaine and Steve Jobs and many other people inspire their lives, inspired me one night, and I learned from him about fasting. And he told me, he said that, you know, if you have strychnine, a cyanide poisoning. If you fast, it’s stored in the fat tissue. So if you reduce the fat tissue, and have auto aphasia, and detoxification of the liver and the kidney and the skin, and things, you could remove those contents by fasting, so I started fasting. I first fasted on a three day fast, just water distilled water. That’s what he told me. It seemed to go very smooth. I even am and surf the whole time, miss a day of surfing. I had plenty of energy. I still had muscle mass, no problem. So I started to do fasting. I left Hawaii, I hitchhiked back to Texas. I started to go back to try to go back to school. And I started doing testing. I went to Wharton and I went into the library there and I found the memoirs and my experience But truth by Gandhi? Because I knew he had fasted. Yeah. And so I thought, Okay, I’m going to study everything about this man. And I learned a I got an exercise from him, but writing down everything that you eat and drink during the day, what are your What are your psychological and physiological symptoms in any insight you got and I started doing that every day. And I started to fast and I noticed that as my I added strychnine symptoms which are cramps and contractions and spasms coming to Cocker thing. And I noticed that as I fasted they started coming down, just started coming down. And it’s okay I had more governance. I noticed that my, my sensory awareness was more acute. I noticed my presence when I was reading was more absorbing notice and I started reading anybody that had fat anything to do with fasting I started reading about it and they didn’t do that and I found some more spiritual people are doing it, you know, gurus and, and some of our experimenters scientist, I everything in anything I could get my hands on, I devoured it, whatever I could find. It wasn’t an internet in those days. Yeah. And I found Shelton and I found, you know, lots of people that were done fasting. And I did a long fast, I did a 35 day fast. And I did it under the supervision of one of the biologists at the school. And I actually jogged during that time, and ran the track tear out ran the track team. Yep, they beat me at the beginning, they had muscle mass, and they beat me just left me in the dark on the takeoff. But after eight miles, they petered out. And I was like a perpetual motion machine. And I was just getting going. And I was drinking water and not even sweating hardly. So I beat them on the long haul, they beat me on the short haul. And then I realized, wow, that’s interesting. And I don’t even have muscle mass. And I started to, and I went on 35 day fasts, and by the time I was done, I was not losing any weight, it was stabilizing my metabolism stabilized. And I thought that’s interesting. And I had moments of crisis, blood sugar drops, and then I realized how to breathe. And I did these electrodes sizes on breathing, and I noticed that I would recalibrate the pH. And I, all of a sudden, I was back on the on the track again. And so I would do periodic fasts, and had one year I did literally only ate 100 days, it was mainly grapes and things even though you’re gonna die like that, the doctor said, You’re gonna die. And he died on the day, he thought I was gonna die, which I thought was interesting is that premonition of his own death. But but then I then I started to have the symptoms started to go pretty well gone. And so I started going back and eating vegetables, and I started adding nuts. And I started adding, you know, a bit of dairy, and some yogurt. And I started putting myself back into a more moderate diet. And then I just did periodic fast after that. But I’m today I can hold my hand steady. That wasn’t possible when I was 18 years old. And I don’t have any spasms today. It’s crazy. So that fast fasting was a very useful tool for me. And today I just periodically fast. I’m not a religious faster, but I do fast prayer like I did, I’d have done to this year. And I did one about three months, four months ago, maybe for just three days. And sometimes I’ll do a three day fast. And I and it helps on aphasia. It helps you center yourself. It’s great for meditation, it’s great for reading. I find it very, very valuable tool, but it’s not necessary. It doesn’t necessarily help your libido. I can’t say it helps my libido I didn’t know I wasn’t it’s not a libido and

I didn’t find myself passionate. I wasn’t passionate. By that. No, I was more missioned. Visionary, not a passionate. Yes. And I noticed that that was that was great for my long term goals. And today, you know, I’m not a passionate guy. I’m an inspired man, man. I’m very inspired by what I do. And I’m not passionate, and I don’t impulse and instinct guy. I think it through I mean, most of my what I do is strategic. And there’s then some people don’t like that. They think well, you know, you’re, you’re anticipating things I said, I know you like to just impulse and then run your head into a wall. And I like to think things through and keep in the flow. And I have a pretty inspired life. I’m delegated everything other than what’s most importantly, I teach research and write. And I travel full time. So I get to do what I love every single day, serving people in fair exchange. So that’s, that’s fulfillment. And if you don’t design your life the way you want, you’re going to be in your amygdala. And that’s where you’re going to be overeating and under eating and overeating and unlearning and yo, yo yoing yourself. Instead of actually just doing it was there’s a thing called the licensing effect. I don’t know if you’ve presented the license, licensing effect as an interesting thing to state. If you do something you feel proud of and successful. You automatically give yourself permission to do something you’re ashamed of. That’s unsuccessful. So if you do something like like work out, you go okay, now I’ve worked out now I can eat chocolate and drink wine again, and overeat. And the licensing effect is a homeostatic to try to keep us back in center. The farther you move away from the center, and the more you’re doing it to get a pleasure instead of a purpose, the more volatile you become. And I see this for yo yo syndrome and dieters quite often. But

Dr. Mindy
amazing, I gonna have to go research that one. Let’s finish up with this. So I love your fasting story, by the way, because I think there’s so many reasons we can fast and I resonate with everything you say, and there’s so much insight you gain. So the this season for my podcast is going to really be built upon gratitude. Because, gosh, we’ve been through a couple of years of a lot of tumultuous times. And I think it’s a great opportunity for us all to ground in gratitude. So do you have a daily gratitude practice that you use? Are you You seem like maybe you’re the type of guy that’s just in gratitude all the time?

Dr John Demartini
No, no, no one’s in gratitude all the time. That’s that, you know, there

Unknown Speaker
we go. Okay, there we go. Good. Okay, yes.

Dr John Demartini
But I do have the largest collection of gratitude, a journal of gratitude than probably anybody I’ve ever met. It’s 27,000 pages. So it’s, it’s a very large document. And I have it, literally right in front of me here. I could pull it up, actually. But what I do is I write down every single day, what I have the opportunity to do, and what I’m grateful for. And that may be in fact, your interview will be on that list. Alright, I had the opportunity interviewed by someone that had the opportunity to do this right in this article had the opportunity right before to this book, had the opportunity to meet with this person had the opportunity. This lecture had the opportunity. Yesterday, I did whitewater rafting in Costa Rica in a river. You know, every day I write down what I had the opportunity to who I got to meet with who I had dinner with lunch with or whatever. And I documented each day this gratitude. I could show you a few if that’s your value.

Dr. Mindy
No, no, it’s all good. Yeah, I believe you, I, you’re you’re my imagination is.

Dr John Demartini
But I do this every day, a little bit of your day. And it could be 10 minutes, it could be 20 minutes, 30 minutes, even, depending on what I had opportunity to do. And so I was told I was born on Thanksgiving Day, my birthday was on last week. So we could go so I I was told by my mom if you if you’re count your blessings, and you’re grateful for it, you got you got more to be grateful for I wrote a book called count your blessings for that because it was from my mother before she died. And I’m a firm believer that that’s gratitude is a sign that you see the hidden order and your apparent chaos. See, most people think there’s a superficial gratitude when things support your values. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. And when things challenge you guys screw you screw your screw your screw you. That’s not where it’s at, when you can actually take the chaos side, when when you when you have the challenge and find out how the challenge serves you and how it’s serving your values. And how it’s breaking your fantasies of one sidedness and getting you grounded in what’s actual. Now you have true grace. And true grace is when you actually appreciate the order the hidden order in the apparent chaos. That’s when you actually have grace. And that is when that opens the heart. And that is the one that opens inspiration and enthusiasm and certainty and presence in life. And that’s where the transcendental awareness comes where you transcend the amygdala is volatilities and you allow yourself to be the angel, not the animal, if you will, the Transmetal not the imminent,

Dr. Mindy
amazing. Well, I could listen to you all day and night. It’s definitely on my bucket list to attend one of your seminars sometime soon. I’ve had several of my colleagues that have talked about how transformative you are. And just in the our conversation here. It’s amazing. How do people find you, if they love this information? They want to dive into your work. I mean, you’re so prolific, like with all your information,

Dr John Demartini
I just simply go to Dr. demartini.com. And if you go there, I would encourage anybody who wants to set real objective to go on and do the value determination Demartini value determination process. It’s free, it’s private. And it’s a 13 questionnaire. It’s 13 questions, ask yourself, help you determine what really is valuable because many people say yeah, I want to be financial penat But then they keep spending money on consumables that depreciate and they lie to themselves. Yes, I really want a relationship but yes, I’m unconsciously making sure I protect myself from the wounds of my past not really one relationship. This is basically making you look at what is really important to you. And it’s it the first time you do it, I guarantee you’re probably going to lie to yourself. Hmm you can write down what you think it should be ought to be supposed to be got to be happy to be most all the imperatives in your life from all the outside authorities and fantasies. But do it again. And make sure you do this method until you get a tear of gratitude for you look at what’s really important. What is your life really demonstrate it’s important to you not to fantasize, but what your life demonstrates. Because your words mean nothing your actions mean everything. What is your life demonstrates is truly important to you by defining it and getting clear on that. And setting objectives in line with that. You change your life. Because if you don’t fill your day with high priority actions that inspire your day is going to open low priority distractions and don’t. So to get a hold of me just go to my website, take advantage. There is I’ve written for 15 130 different magazines around the world. There’s magazine articles, there’s podcasts, there’s newspapers, videos, there’s YouTubes you could you could spend the night you’d have to believe in reincarnation as a Buddhist.

Dr. Mindy
Yeah, well, you’re definitely going on my gratitude tonight when I go to sleep. So Dr. Demartini, thank you so much. This has just been a personal pleasure. And I know that my listeners are going to be knocked out by what you have to say so so grateful for you and, and how you’ve shown up in the world, though, the world is definitely a better place with you in it. So thank you so much.

Dr John Demartini
Thank you, and thank you for the opportunity to be on your show. Thank you, of course.

Dr. Mindy
Uh huh. Thank you so much for joining me in today’s episode, I love bringing thoughtful discussions about all things health to you. If you enjoyed it, we’d love to know about it. So please leave us a review, share it with your friends and let me know what your biggest takeaway is.